Welcome back C 
You are addicted to alcohol. It’s that simple. Your relationship with alcohol is, and always will be, unhealthy.
You stay with alcohol and you die: either you die literally, by physically dying; or you die mentally, by always being gone (either in being numb and dumb and drunk, or in obsessing and worrying about being drunk). You stay with alcohol, and you are dead.
You quit and you get to live.
Do you want to live? How much do you want it? Do you want it the same way someone searches for water in the desert? Why do you keep returning here to Talking Sober? (You’re always welcome of course but what I’m saying is the fact you keep coming back means there’s something about being sober that you want. Think about what you want. Really think about it. Let yourself want it.)
Forget your boyfriend. Sorry to be harsh but my point is: you’re not some movie screen where he gets to play out the movie of his “fun” times. You’re a human being with health and mental and emotional needs, and you can’t get those met when you’re with booze. So you break up with booze, so that you can have a relationship with yourself, as a real, fully-developed human. The important thing is your relationship with yourself. It’s not really about your boyfriend at all. You’ve been burying yourself and silencing yourself in booze for so long. You’re hiding. You need to fix your relationship with yourself.
Find a therapist.
There’s lots of online and in person options for recovery groups. There’s a list of options here, most of them do both in person and online:
You’ve said before that you’re not a huge fan of AA. That’s fine, there are like 20 other programs there. If you try every one and none of them are appealing, you might be letting your fantasies about alcohol (“oh it’s ok, it’s fine, I don’t really need to push myself here”) cloud your judgment. You’re gonna be uncomfortable in this process; accept that. Celebrate that, actually. You don’t get stronger without some changes and some pain.
Keep us posted! Take it one day at a time.