This is such a good way of thinking about it, @VSue.
Not can’t but WON’T.
I’m new to this forum but reading this thread with interest. I’m ready to stop NOW, no more, nothing at midnight and it’s New Year’s Eve, but my hubby says he’s not ready to yet. In the past I’ve just thought, well what’s the point of trying because he won’t give up? But I realise it’s time to take responsibility and make the change. Maybe I can help him too.
I feel so encouraged to have joined this forum and found others on the same journey. Thank you all and wishing you all well for 2019!
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I am in the same situation…I understand but I am doing this for myself…and maybe if he sees that I did it…so can he.
I am in the same situation! !!! I know that he knows we have a problem but I think does not realize quite how serious it truly is.
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As others say its up to you to realize if its even a fit. Getting sober you may not want an alcoholic thats troubled. Some stay and some leave. Sometimes we have to be sad and love ourselves to start over to be happy again. Sometimes we can fix it but living with an alcoholic you may want to consider alanon meetings as well.
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Then quit drinking. You will encounter alcohol all over the place, for the rest of your life. You will have to say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink, if you want to be better.
There’s booze in my house. I walk by a wine rack 20 times a day. I won’t drink, because I don’t drink. It’s that simple.
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Thank you so much for this post! I am on day one of sobriety. So glad I found this app and wonderful inspiring people. I too am questioning myself how will I get through this when he is still wanting to drink, but he isnt mean or angry when he drinks unlike me . I blame him for “letting” me go get beer when really it was my choice it’s all MY choice. Thought he was enabling me instead of supporting me, and maybe a little he is enabling but only because he doesnt want to fight with me. I have tried to quit drinking a few times with no luck just going back to it. I’ve drank almost everyday for 4 years, it got really bad last year when my mother died suddenly, I haven’t been the same. Last night I went on my rampage, mean, angry self to where my bf didnt even want to come home with me, because he just knew it wouldnt be good. I dont want to be like this anymore. I love him and our children. After reading your post I have learned to be patient and it’s my choice to stop just because he hasn’t chosen that yet doenst mean he wont, I need/want to stop for my children myself and my diabeties. Thank you so much again for your kind and Inspiring words
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Welcome. Well done in choosing to be better.
My wife still drinks though at first she did stop just to help me.
Now she has the occasional bottle or just when she goes out. But now it doesn’t bother me because I made my peace with the fact that I don’t drink.
I hope you find the support you need from your bf, reading on here I know it can be a difficult time. I know I’ve had my moments. But by concentrating on you and your goal it will all come right.
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I am glad my experience spoke to you. 
Take it slow and steady and read all the threads you can here, that helped me a lot.
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Well said!! Thanks for sharing!!
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“When we say “can’t” we are telling ourselves that we are missing out on something. But when we say “won’t” we are in control of it. It is more powerful.”
This is my truth as well. It is a choice. Everything always is.
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Thank you so much! Everyone has been so helpful and it’s only been a day! I have realized alot in a short period of time about the things/people I was blaming when truth be told it’s my own doing and fault. Just got notified at 7 day 1 complete!
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I got forty days now but the wife still drinks A LOT. I’ve been looking around for this particular topic and found a lot of good reading. I especially liked your part about if we all had to rely on staying away from people that drink we’d all be f@&ked.
It is totally up to you the individual.
Thanks for the tips.
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I’m trying to get through day 1. My husband drinks a lot. I told him no alcohol in the house, he agreed! A high school friend works rehab, she found me a sponsor…
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Hi Kacey.
How you doin? Did you make it through day 1? I’m hoping you did. I was the last to post on this thread back in February and I had forty days while my wife continues to drink. I cannot believe I got 222 days now while wifey still drinks every day. It was hard at first. Real hard. I got a lot of good advice on here and there are some other people on here in the exact same situation.
@SassyRocks (hope you don’t mind the tag sassy you been my little angel)
I just got tired of drinking the past 45 years and 40 of them with my wife of 37 years. I’m tired of the hangovers and the merry go round of drinking. I talked to my wife about it after hiding this app from her for two weeks and she supports my sobriety 
. But she still gonna drink!!! The big takeaway here is that it is **My Sobriety ** no one else’s!! I was just completely honest with her about it. I was drinking my soda waters in wine glasses with lemon at dinner for awhile. I got a bunch of energy the first month or so and kept a very very clean house. And eventually it has gotten easier. I know if I drink I’ll end up having 2 or 3 or 10. I do my gratitude list on here at TS every day. Every freakin day!! And ya know I’m grateful for the time I have with my wife when she’s sober. At 2pm out comes the wine. 2 cocktails at 5. back to wine for dinner. Then usually asleep on the couch. She’s very predictable and I know she loves me and I love her and I use to do that with her all the time. How can I judge her?? I got a clear head now. No hangovers. Lost 45 pounds. I’m more flexible. We don’t fight. I’m pretty happy with my sobriety and the people on here at TS.
I’m so thankful to God I’m not drinking in 2020 shitshow. Because if I was… I can’t even go there. I’d probably be drunk 24/7.
Praying for all the other people trying to get sober while their spouse drinks.
Your worth it.
God bless.
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Thanks, my house similar. I get home from work he is drunk and difficult and if he has drank enough not nice. Me drinking didn’t help. I did make it through last night, not at 24 hours yet…almost. I dont judge him either… he has improved a lot since we have been together… I not so much. So I am hoping I’m on a good path. Finally have a sponsor, will meet her tonight and catch a meeting. Praying for day 2 under my belt. Thanks for the support!
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So happy to hear you made it through last night. Sounds like you are on your way to your first full day. I know it’s cliche but it really is “one day at a time”. I am so happy you got a sponsor. Keep up the great work. You’re worth it.
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Ty, I don’t always feel like it.
I’m 57 days sober. My husband did not stop drinking (fortunately he is not an alcoholic, but he does enjoy himself).
We have beer, wine, and whiskey in the house now because his birthday was a couple weeks ago and they are leftover/gifts. In fact, my gift to him was a very nice bottle of Scotch.
Alcohol is everywhere. If sobriety meant we could never be exposed to alcohol, we’d all have to move to the antarctic. It’s something we have to get used to.
If you really want to get sober, you can whether or not your husband joins you. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is possible.
I definitely recommend trying AA meetings and getting yourself connected to an outside support system since you won’t be able to rely on your husband, at least for the time being. Who knows, he may end up being inspired by you!
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Heading into day 3… he has been helpful with no alcohol in the house. I’m sure once I get some time under my belt it wont matter so much. The hardest part really is dealing with him drunk. Frankly if he could be nice we could both drink, not to super bad, and life was ok. He drinks too much, becomes as ass hole, I drink more so I wont hear him, after being harassed about you name it and pounding them, then I would stand up for my self… but then it was too late, on the cliff of blackout. Then according to him I’m horrible. I dont doubt it. Just can’t put up with it any more and my shut up knob gone. So, no drinking means no sleeping. He snores, talks in his sleep. He has a cat that squeaks when he breaths… lord no I’m not making that up. He everyday at some point makes me feel less important than his damn cats… how dumb is that??? So last night, finally fall asleep…squeak snort snort talk loud snore… I stretch out, a cat below my feet, the one with the mouth. She complains as she moves… wakes him up he grumbles something…then sweeky cat jumps on head board knockin who knows what to ground… super wide awake I am now!! I psssss! To tell cat to get down, and the anger I get would be ok if I hit his grandmother with my fist! This is an example of many many many ridiculous things I put up… I fully admit that it drives me to drink, just so I can sleep. I sit in my recliner, beginning to feel the benedyle hoping tonight I can sleep… still no drinking tho! As much as he didnt like drunk ass hole me, he isnt liking sober me taking care of me and I’m done with the shit… be interesting to see if I’m still married in a month. Last few days he hasn’t drank like he normally does, so maybe keeping stuff hidden out side may inadvertently help him too…
Lord help us, we will see.
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