Happy Tuesday y’all,
I have 36 days today. I relapsed last year after 8 months. About a year to a year and a half before that I did 118 days. Before that, I couldn’t stay clean in jail for 90 days or on my ankle monitor. I moved almost 10 times in the last 5 years. I moved counties several times. I am unemployed. I do believe I try my hardest, despite my alcoholism. I have lost nearly all my jobs due to alcohol or related behavior. I was financially supported by my addicted ex boyfriend and became very reliant on a toxic person. I questioned everything I believed, and tore myself apart by accepting the helplessness I had with him. Today I am dating a very different type of person- low self esteem, routine, low energy. I am terribly bored. I fear that I am still addicted to the excitement and chaos that my previous toxic relationship(s) had. I keep thinking I am relying on him for my life’s excitement, and then I get let down. Then I remember that I am in charge of my happiness- not him. What do you all think?
100% we are in charge of our own happiness!!! I live with my boyfriend, and he is very much an alcoholic as I am. He got a DUI last month and has basically been on a path of self destruction ever since. I finally told him today that I’m not going to tell him how to handle this anymore. I’ve been trying to help him see the light and be positive and understand that it could have been much, much worse! He could have hurt someone. It’s been making me insane and miserable because nothing I say or do helps.
It’s not up to us to make someone else happy, just like we can’t let other people drag us down. Maybe I sound selfish for say so, but today and each day forward, I’m focusing on what I need to do to make myself happy, healthy, and fulfilled.
I hope you can do the same! It’s forever a work in progress!
I hear you. Relationships take energy & effort at the best of times - and when we’re in recovery it’s like, Climb this mountain and hey, also balance this tray and oh, did I mention there’s a tightrope you’ve gotta cross halfway up? 
I am not in the same situation as you but I can definitely say my recovery has affected my relationship significantly. At first I became distant; there was a period where I was very inward looking, which I realize now was a time I was learning what my sober self needs & feels.
I am still working it one day at a time. My big takeaway so far is that I need to be able to be good with myself (meaning, independent as an adult, taking care of my life & working my meetings & community & my sobriety and health and well-being) - I need to be good with myself, as an individual in my community, in order to be successful in my intimate relationships. (I have found my relationship with my wife has actually deepened a lot.)
I hear you though. It is tough 
Is there anything we can do here to help?
I am glad you are back here, reaching out and working on your sobriety.
I thi k somrti.e just being with ourselves to found out who we are and how we fit without having another person in the mix might be a good idea for you ATM.keep reaching out.xx
If you are interested in codependency, we did a book discussion on Codependent No More a while back: Book discussion: “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself”