This life comes with a price. You lose everything before you get it all back. The wreckage from my addiction is unreal and im just now realizing that. Theres some people and some things that will never be repaired unfortunately. I guess, thats what hurts the most. I went so long in auto pilot and just going through the motions i didnt or couldn’t even grasp the fact that i was killing myself one pill at a time. Nights like these are the hardest when im sitting here by myself trying to figure out how and why things went so wrong. Just venting… its alot! Im just so sorry, for everything 
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You arent alone my friend. We are right there with you. You have to put in the work and will reap the sober rewards. Try not to dwell on the past too much.
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Sitting alone with our sober selves can be extremely painful, however its where we discover how much it lied to us. Reflection helps us find ourselves. You got this.
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Thanks for posting this. Top the OP, dealing with damage of past is hard. For me, going to AA and other sobriety meetings helped. So many have been thru the same thing. The 12 Steps are a gift. Wish everyone had the opportunity to go thru them.
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Hey buddy. I’m in no way trying to one up you when I say sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to build a solid platform to work yourself back up. My addiction caused me to lose the love of my life, my wife of 16 years. Even though I’m a present father, I’ve missed so much of my 11 year old son’s life already. 2 Extreme DUI’s and a total of 2 months in jail. Thousands and thousands of dollars lost. I regret so much yet somehow I’ve found a way to be happy again. Sobriety is going to take me to my best level yet. It can for you as well.
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My early days were definitely spent with a lot of regret. I let myself feel it and embrace my mistakes to a point. But, I began spending a lot of time on here and it really helped me move past it and look at the past as a lesson that scares the hell out of me when I revisit it and to realize I cannot change it. But, by choosing sobriety everyday I put distance between the person who I was and the person I am today and am becoming. When I progress through that train of thought, it gives me hope instead of regret and despair.
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The harder the struggle, the more growth…im not sure if ive suggested this to you yet but Stutz on netflix is amazing to watch to get you into a better mindset, its very helpful. All this regret in these early day is absolutely normal, it would be abnormal to not feel this way…allow yourself to feel what you need to feel for now and keep venting to us, what you are doing is amazing and you are doing great, your right where you need to be at the moment
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I like this. I’m going to think about this all day.
I’m sorry that today is hard @Billy85. Substances and addiction are built to help us escape pain. Without those escapes we just have the pain. Sitting with that pain is a hard but necessary step. I’m sending you strength and a hug.
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