How did you stop dancing w/ the devil?

Relapses
1

I find it very hard to train my mind to SEE alcohol/marijuana as the enemy because I’m an escapist, and while I’m getting hammered/stoned I feel totally free. Now, the aftermath, what I experience after the high, that’s what keeps me from picking up. I have hit low bottoms in the past that I hope to never again revisit. The truth is in the consequences.

How do you manage/steer away from urges and cravings?

3 Likes
2

I know how that feels!!I swear sometimes Im reading my own diary. It feel liberating when Im drinking…but honestly I dont know how to stop drinking…thats when things turn ugly.Not only that but It affects my health terribly.Im 5 days clean today and 5 days ago it took me 2 whole days to recover from how much I drank. Especially because I stopped drinking for so long I really didnt have a tolerance and it also starts to get more difficult after 25 and on.
Id say my health is the biggest way I fight my urges.
Ill list some reasons.

  • I eat terribly and gain weight while drinking.
  • I get dehydrated and it actually hurts my insides from not having enough water.My lower back aches pretty bad.Your body isnt mean to handle beer after beer you are supposed to drink water with each beer but if I knew how to manage that I wouldnt be here.
  • I have an ulcer that gets inflammation when i drink, meaning it literally burns and keeps burning but I stop noticing because Im drinking.
    -I skip out on the gym that day and the next putting me behind all the hard work I do in the gym in the first place.

These are just the health reasons.

-I drunk text, drunk post, drunk like stuff on Instagram…thankfully I took fb off my phone cause that was pretty embarassing too.

-I get into fights and arguments
-I tell people way too much information about myself
-I also deprive myself from growing as a person.I lose interest in reading and doing anything artistic.I usually if Im alone will watch the same movies and tv shows knowing I dont have to pay attention. So basically Im sitting there drinking zoning out.Wow typing that made me realize how pathetic that is.

Anyway those are the negative things.Besides a hangover.

11 Likes
3

@CarlosFive thank you for sharing. I’m still grappling with the ‘why’ I drank so much, so often. But I have to say I love your sentence ‘the truth is in the consequences’. It is the consequences that are driving my behaviour now. @restlesssoul I swear I could have written your list. It is amazing how completely diffeent people can have such similar experiences/behaviours from a drug. One thing that is helping me along the way are the things I am saying to myself. Somebody brilliant on here posted ‘it’s not can’t drink - but WONT drink’. Taking power with one word has given me so much strength over the past 12 days! Stick with it guys, I can already feel the amazing differences in my life.

6 Likes
4

Great posts @Restlesssoul and @rabbit.
As far as steering away from urges @CarlosFive… as soon as that evil addict pops up telling me it’s a great idea to go get f $#d up, I pause and think about WHY that thought pops up. Usually it’s because I’m feeling an emotional that I don’t like, makes me feel uncomfortable, and I want to numb it. That’s it…a feeling that I need to learn to feel without changing it. If the craving comes on strong and I feel like a rabid wild animal, I go to a meeting or call someone ASAP. My mind is the most dangerous place to be.

5 Likes
5

@meirm YES! Learning to just ‘sit’ with a feeling or emotion is a challenge for me. Great strategy. I’m going to try and think ‘it’s a feeling - you don’t have to drown it’.

As always, thanks for the chat guys.

3 Likes
6

Wow, that was me! And the rest.
Some of it’s still there, but we all get stronger each day.
The bit about the repetitive TV/DVD/Streaming particularly hit home (and, of course, brave of you to bring that up).
How much time we must have thrown away is one of the larger questions we have to ask ourselves.
Great post!

2 Likes