i relapsed a while ago on various amounts of drugs. i started using when i was 14. and stopped when i was 17. i quit for a year and fast forward to now where ive relapsed. i feel like quitting now is harder than it was before. the issue is whenever i try to quit my body literally begins to ache and shake and it really starts hurting. its like these cravings get worse everydya. and not just that, but i literally fantasize about doing drugs. i fantasize about using H. i love the idea of being an addict. i love the idea that im addicted because i feel in control. im self aware that im losing my life to this stuff and ive already cut off a few years from my life because of this addiction. but i want to get better. but i also dont. how do u find the motivation to quit? not to want to do drugs anymore? my friends called me a lost cause. i sometimes feel like i have nobody. but then i look anf seei do have people. i want to make them proud. how do i mae them proud and quit again?
Welcome, Yassin. I’m so glad you’re looking for ways to make your future better and I’m so glad you’ve found this community. 
It’s been a huge part of helping me get to 4 months.
One thing that has helped me get sober, even when I am really missing a drink, is playing the tape forward. Sure, one drink might feel good in the moment, but how will I feel about myself after? How shitty will it feel to stumble to bed drunk and wake up hungover?
Have you considered something like Narcotics Anonymous (NA)? And/or getting medical help for the withdrawal?
You can absolutely get sober again. We’re all rooting for you. 
My favourite tool. An absolute must.
Hi and welcome Yassin.
A decade of cocaine for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper brought sheer destruction in life.
Well done for admitting the problems. Seek out NA is a must.