Some of you may remember me from as early as 2019. Well I thought I had it and slowly faded out TS, then I got a new phone last year and never redownloaded it until now.
My Binges keep getting worse and it’s affecting my marriage. Well, it has always affected it but you get the point.
Long story short my biggest problem is dealing with feelings. I have tried everything. There are plenty of helpful tips on here and on the Internet but nothing has worked for me.
70% of the time i still end up caving.
I know distraction is supposed to be best. I’ve went for long walks, taken hot showers, painted, cleaned the house and so on.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I know a lot of people say well you must not want it enough then. But I do I’m desperate. I have been avoiding feelings for a good 15 years now and don’t even remember how i coped before i started drinking.
Welcome back ! It sounds like you know what you want and that’s an awesome first step. For myself the only thing that has helped this time around for me has been getting real about attending AA and being completely open minded to the program. Before I would go in and out and always end up being judgemental of the people and the program. This time I have embraced it and have found it totally different. As for the feelings and emotions being engaged regularly with others alcoholics and working the steps in the program has brought me alot of Peace and Serenity. Im now at 51 days AF and not having the issues with craving and emotions. Don’t get me wrong. Life is not perfect but I am learning how to do it sober. All it took for me was to just be willing to at least consider this path. Hope this may help.
I think its important to process your feelings by talking about them, having some introspection, meditation etc.
I feel drinking and distraction only kicks the can down the road. It’s something that will always be there until it’s dealt with. It’s not east nor comfortable to confront pent up feelings, especially if they are icky ones, but once you do, you become unburdeoned.
Have you thought about talking to a professional, therapist, psychologist?
Maybe they won’t go away because they haven’t told you what they came to tell you. Avoiding feelings keeps them unfelt and unlearned from. It also does keep the avoider in a state of obliviousness, much like alcohol does.
These sounds like doozies, you might have to sit with them and see what they are trying to tell you about yourself before they will leave you at peace. Maybe start a therapy plan or keep an AA schedule handy in case going in deep becomes too much. The only way out might be through. I wish you peace and progress. Wouldn’t it be nice to deal with those beasties and take another step closer to living alcohol free.
I’m definitely not trying to push anything to make you uncomfortable but I stopped (a piece, I think processing feelings is a terminal condition) of my avoiding feelings by drinking puzzle in therapy. At the time a friend asked me “do you love your therapist” and my exact response was “I honestly just have to get it all out, I could be talking to a brick wall”. I wish you peace and safety however you go friend.
