I’ve done awful things to people and allowed/ helped my ex husband to do absolutely horrible things. These people aren’t in my life anymore, some because i moved away and lost contact, some because bridges were burned, some i barely knew at all. A lot of the things that happened still weigh heavy on my conscience and I’m worried I’ll carry that guilt for the rest of my life without apologizing or trying to make things right. I know some of the situations are better left alone, some might put me in danger, and some i simply can’t get in contact with, but how do i forgive myself for being that person who hurt people? For being the kind of person who does the things i did or the kind that allowed the things i turned a blind eye to?
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By becoming a better version of yourself.
Not all amends have to be directly by the way.
But forgivinb yourself, takes time. What helped me, is sharing about it with others. Coming to realise we are all just humans.
From there, combined with trying to be s better me, selfcompassion starts to grow. Slowly, but steadily.
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I struggle alot with the things i did when drinking, it does take time to forgive yourself…im not fully there yet, what i did do was apologise to those that i could and in turn i strive daily to better myself, also, i am accountable for and own what i did but in the same token i know that during the influence i really was not myself and i was ill, thats not an excuse its a reason but to remember that helps me build compassion toward myself, the sober Kelly would not dream of doing the things i did while drinking.
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All you can do is make today a better day than yesterday. And when you wake up tomorrow, do it again. Copy this poem to somewhere that you can always keep it with you, and every time you get anxious about your past, take it out and read it.
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Welcome to the community. 
This is discussed a lot, so you are not alone in your feelings. We all have regrets, many are very heavy and deep.
In my experience, apologizing when I can (whether in person, a letter or a journal entry) and changing my behavior are steps in letting go of the hold of the past.
It can take time to learn to love our selves, especially those parts that seem so unloveable or unforgivable.
Finding compassion for the suffering we have caused others and for our selves is healing. 
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