I don’t drink daily, in fact, I drink rarely (usually after attempts to quit altogether but relapsing). Everytime I open the door to alochol I do something stupid. This most recent incident, a couple of nights ago, I got drunk downtown with my partner, and when he was ready to go home and I wasn’t, I publicly yelled, cursed him out and was altogether quite terrible to him. I lost my purse, and got sick from the alcohol. This isn’t the first time I’ve had incidents like this, but it seems to get worse each time. Why am I like this? Why has the lesson not been learned yet? I am a new mommy, and while my child is always well watched and cared for when I go out drinking, I always feel like a failure of a mom, and this time around I just feel like a failure in general - as a partner, as a daughter, all of it.
If anyone relates and has any encouragement, any advice, anything to help me wrap my head around how I can truly walk away from drinking for good, please reach out. I need help. I’m scared that I’m going to ruin my life.
Welcome to Talking Sober Grace! I feel that you already made the first two important steps. The first is to admit ( to yourself in the first place) that your aclohol consumption is problematic. And the second one is to reach out for help. Which you did by coming here. This is a great place for support, and for knowledge, and for sharing and reaching out to each other.
It’s my solid conviction that we can’t do this sobriety stuff on our own. We need each other. We need connection and we need our peers. People who don’t have problems with alcohol or other drugs may be sympathic to us (but more often are not), but the people here actually get it.
So I hope you stick around and check this place out. We’re in this together. The exact why IMO is not that important right now. You can find that out further in sobriety. For now you have to know you do have a problem, and how to tackle that. Which is to get all the help you need. You already did the first steps. Glad to have you aboard friend. Wishing you all success.
Your not a failure.
It’s great you recognise that alcohol causes us to have these feelings and to act in ways we wouldn’t without drinking.
Definitely stick around here.
It’s nice to have you with us
Alcohol is cunning and baffling. It is the ultimate ConMan, it reels you in slowly, and then bam, steals from you. But it sounds like you have made some important steps already. The fact that you don’t drink often means you probably shouldn’t experience the physical withdrawals, for me that was a huge deal! All you have to do is not take the first sip. When you think about it before you go out, it’s gonna seem daunting. But once you do it, one time you’ll wake up in the morning, finding that you had a better time, you remember it, and you can give that little kid, a big hug, and a kiss, and a smile as soon as you see them in the morning. Best wishes, keep coming back, we are all in this together!
It is. I just can’t seem to ever stick with it. Every time I give it up, I hit a point where I tell myself “I can control it this time, I’ll be better this time, it’s just one night and then I will abstain again.” And, every time, I mess things up.
Thank you! That’s what I want. I want to be able to continually remind myself that it does more harm than any “good” has ever come of it. It’s SO hard in those moments where I feel so tempted, where I start telling myself I can control it and “just one night” won’t hurt. And I’m always wrong, and I always overdo it, and I need to stop but it sometimes feels impossible.
That’s exactly how I see it. If I can summon enough control, power and support within myself and with those around me that love me, then I believe I can do this, I can avoid ever having a first sip again. But I can’t do it alone… and I’m so tired of messing up.
Thank you for sharing this with me. It’s so challenging, and even still my family is telling me “If you want to drink just do it at home” or “I’ll give you a limit and hold you to it”, and they don’t get that it doesn’t work like that for me… there is no controlling it. Once I choose to open the door I surrender all control and sound thinking. So, I have to commit to never opening the door again.
I’ve told my self that a million times. Like, everyday, but I couldn’t becuase I always wanted just one more. It was never just one, but just one more.
When I quit, I journaled every day, some times multiple times a day. When I felt those “just one” thoughts came creeping, I’d read my day one struggle. I never wanted to go through that again, those entries helped.
I then worked on changing my relationship with alcohol. You can read about it here:
Hello Grace … and welcome.
I have asked myself.the same question many times. Until I blacked out, took a nasty fall and literally eff’d up my face ( take a look at my first post on here). I scared the crap outta myself!! I’m lucky I didn’t break my neck!
That is what made my decision to quit, for good!
I am only 15 days sober but feel pretty good.
Alcohol is not worth losing your sanity, your health or your family over. You will get here too … we all will help you.
Hang in there and read through everyones posts.
Glad you are here Hun
Thanks for your kind and supportive words. May I ask, how long have you been sober? How long did it take to find your “why”? Although I have a million and one reasons why I should stop, I always fall down again. I need someway to keep myself from never doing that again, I want keep risking all that I have good in my life to my vice.
You mention some pretty good why’s there already. I had some halfhearted attempts before I quit for the last time 1590 days ago. I say the last time BC I know I can’t quit again would I start again.
My why is simple: I realized drinking would kill me. Not sure what way but I’m sure it would. And it will. Never again.
But just that realization isn’t enough. I might stay sober like that, on willpower only, but it would be a miserable life. What I do instead, and what I believe we all need to do, is to build a life for ourselves where we don’t need to run from. Because that’s what we do. We escape from reality by drinking. You do too.
We have to work to live better lives. What that means for you you have to find out yourself. But not alone. The opposite of addiction is connection. To ourselves and to each other. There’s the key for me. X
This is amazing and inspiring. I feel so alone at times with all of this, like I’m the screw up in the family who can’t grow up and do better. I want to have one of those 1 year Sober videos. I want to have the confidence that I am more than okay without alcohol. Thank you for this, all of, especially the simple fact of opening up so other’s don’t feel so alone.
I can relate to this, I remember my dad saying “why don’t you just have 3-4, it’s after that many you turn nasty” and my partner saying “just drink mid strength and slow down” and I tried over and over again to moderate and could not understand for the life of me why I couldn’t, it wasn’t until I dug the hole big enough and went to rehab that I ended up at an AA meeting (which felt like the most annoying situation) that I heard the the phrase “if you don’t take the first drink you can’t get drunk” and it made so much sense to me. I can’t moderate and as soon as I have one sip it’s all over. I haven’t had a drink since.
Stick around here, try a meeting, read information and ask anything you want
Yes. This. Every time. I wish someone understood, but it feels like I’m the only one in my friend and family groups that can’t “control” it. I’ve begun to tell all of my people that I am quitting, and I actually intend on it sticking this time around, and I’ve asked for their accountability. I’ll go to local AA meetings soon, bur for now I’m collecting myself emotionally from my most recent relapse endeavor…
I was same way. I was a binge drinker once i pop the fun dont stop until i black out send a bad text message ruin a relationship and wake up with anxiety. Haha.
Cravings will always be there, just a day at a time, and this app helps alot.
If people dont under stand sobriety thats there journey, do you,
Haha thank you! My family and friends are supportive, but they still don’t get it I don’t think. The only likely success I’m ever going to have is by quittint full-stop. So that’s what I’m going to do. Chocolate milkshakes and Netflix instead of overdrinking, overspending, acting like an asshole, and dealing qith lingering anxiety and embarrassment amongst other things… for days afterwards. The more it type it out and say it to myself, the less likely I am to forget how stupid it is for me to drink.
… and welcome.
