I am sober for 1603 days from alcohol and I am very happy and proud of this massive achievement. At the same time not many people in my life know about it, especially at work.
So I feel an internal conflict as my sobriety is one of the most important and precious things in my life and yet not many people know about it.
How do you sober friends deal with this?
Am I being silly with this inner conflict?
I should add that I did not go through the 12 steps and don’t have the support of a community (face to face, but I have of course the support of you guys through this wonderful app online)
I am very solid on my sobriety but sometimes it gets lonely as no one around me has been through the recovery process and I don’t share this with many people.
Thank you
I actually helped a coworker get sober… he has 2 years now and it’s been nice because we can talk openly about how shitty life was.
My friends were all supportive but I don’t really see them anymore (mostly my fault for not wanting to be around drinking).
I think I needed to tell people so I had some sort of accountability. All paths are different, I also did not attend meetings but that could be a big part of why I feel alone sometimes. The fellowship of a in person group would be nice.
I am pretty open about my sobriety. When drinking comes up, and it has a few times, I’ll tell people that I don’t drink. If asked why, which has happened a couple of times, I had told them that I had a drinking problem.
There are 3 typical responses:
Oh, good for you!
I too am sober for x reason
I have a drinking problem myself and I need help
Idk, I feel it has helped when hanging out after work for drinks and apps. Knowing I’m sober, co-workers helped keep me accountable and it was an opportunity to answer any questions they have had.
My current workplace does not know about my recovery and i personally prefer to keep it that way. Not that i am ashamed of being a recovering addict but bcuz im protective over my recovery and what i have built in my life today. I learned many years ago that not everyone will understand. Not only that but if I was to mention this, it could have negative repercussions on my job. I couldnt be fired lets say for being an a recovering addict but things may be more difficult at work for me with regards to how people treat me, gossip, even the amount of hours i get (i am a relief staff). So i dont say anything. I view my recovery as a need to know basis. If what i share about my own experiences can help someone, then i would absolutely consider sharing my experiences with them. But other than that i stay pretty private. I also dont go out after work with ithers for drinks etc bcuz my coworkers dont tend to engage in that it seems. So i dont ahve to face that aspect whereas some people do
Thank you Dan! It’s wonderful that you helped your coworker get sober! And you have one person to talk about life in recovery.
I have distanced myself from friends that were big drinkers at the beginning of my sobriety but now I don’t really mind being around people that drink on dinners. Also most of them have calmed down now that we are approaching 40!
I don’t broadcast it at work but most people know I’m a proud non-drinker. Not ashamed in the least. One of my co-workers with 20 years was a huge support for me. Still is. I lead by example and have already helped others with resources for getting sober.
If the occasion fits I’m open on it. Nowadays I’m not insecure when I order water, this attitude leads not to a lot of questions. Out of topic maybe, but what bothers me is that one of the managers (not mine) has clearly a issue. Especially on Mondays his hands are shaking, noticed it again today next to other physical symptoms. Brings back the way I functioned. Need to watch my boundaries there.
Can you share your thoughts on why you don’t tell ppl? What are you afraid of happening?
I’m open about my sobriety and when ppl say why don’t you drink I say I’ve had enough for a lifetime. They get the idea.
But I can imagine situations where it would lead to gossip or have recercussions at work or whatever and then I’d probably not care to share either. So it really depends. If you’ll be disadvantaged or feel the need to defend yourself, I don’t think that’s worth the hassle. You do you and you’ve been doing you for 1600d so fuck what anyone thinks. Congrats!
I my old company I only said I don’t drink. I started there and became sober 2 months after so no-one knew I drank. I also became active in the addiction prevention team there. Noone of my colleagues ever asked me why. In my new company it wasn’t a topic yet. Today a colleague suggested drinking a ‘Glühwein’ on the Christmas market when it is cold and I just said I don’t drink. As noone is asking any questions here about anything I won’t start the topic. I am an open person but am changing in this perspective a bit atm. I don’t like it but it is what it is.
Whether or not you choose to share, it’s up to you, and it’s not silly.
My coworkers know I don’t drink. None of them knew me as a drinker, and I to them, I’ve always been a non-drinker, someone who chooses not to drink, for reasons that are 100% my own.
This is how I choose to address my sobriety. The hows and whys of my journey to sobriety aren’t germane to my job, or my relationship with my coworkers. They know what’s important to me: I won’t drink, because I don’t drink. I am a non-drinker.
No one at work knows I’m sober. I am not the most social co-worker so it doesn’t come up often but I recently declined champagne at a co-workers baby shower and no one batted an eye.
I had a co-worker recently tell me she was in recovery and I panicked. That would have been my moment to connect with her but I’m also only 9ish months sober so I listened attentively, kept my connection there to myself and came on here to ask if I was a monster for doing so.
The important thing is that you are sober. Yay! Keep doing that. You get to decide what people learn and know about you and when. If I feel that someone is asking for my help I will divulge my sobriety superpower but I still struggle with authenticity in everyday life. I wasn’t ready to tell my co-worker about my struggles. It could have been the setting or the moment. I’m looking forward to putting more time on my sobriety clock so I can keep striving for authenticity. Who I let into my life is still pretty gated.
I have only told one coworker about my getting sober.
I tend to be very private in my relationships at work, because I have seen the way people at my job gossip about one another, and I don’t want to be the topic of their conversations.
But it all depends on the dynamic you have at your job.
What really matters is that you’re sober. Not who does or doesn’t know.
I’m so proud of you for 1600+ days! That is amazing!
Im pretty lucky in that way as ive been in my job for 19 years so alot of my co workers are actually trusted close friends, the ones i trust know about my recovery the ones i dont, dont. I do struggle with new people that come into my life to tell them or not though
Feelings are like drugs… they are just natural. Express the correct feelings to deal with your thoughts… thats what they are there for. Thanks for sharing!!! I have had the same thoughts a few times on my journey about whether i should be expressing my joy or unjoy of my alchoholism and this is what I came up with. Thanks for reading!
I’m currently 10 days sober this time so my opinion probably doesn’t hold a lot of weight but I’m soo grateful to work for a place that openly supports a sober lifestyle… more of my coworkers are sober than not(which says a lot considering I’m a server). My manager runs a recovery group and a bunch of us are going to a sober sips event together in a few weeks. We also have a NA mocktail menu and lots of NA options at work.
It’s personally made my soberity alot easier to manage and navigate.
That’s amazing, and we are all sober just for today. Your observations/opinions are as valid as anyone’s on this forum. What a great work environment you have!
I tell people I don’t drink, but not the reason behind it. I haven’t revealed the reason behind it bc I feel that sharing this information would put me in a vulnerable position and could potentially be detrimental to how people perceive me.
There is a part of me that wants to share the details of how I became sober (when it comes up) because I want to speak my truth and be honest.
And another part that is scared of being rejected and judged and feeling othered.
Worth noting that I had a traumatic childhood with emotional abuse and physical violence and have issues with my self worth. I am still learning who I am underneath my traumas - which includes deciding how I truly feel about sharing this info.
I am very open about being a non-drinker but I’ve never shared that I’m in recovery. But after 4 years I’m thinking I’d be okay if anyone asked me. I do t think I need to wear it like a sign on my forehead but im not needing to hide it anymore.
