I’m naturally impulsive. Any time I relapse it is because of impulsively. If you’re like me, how do you slow yourself down to combat your impulsive nature?
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Impulsive how? It isn’t often booze pops up out of a bush to surprise me.
I’m kidding, I’m kidding! 
But only kind of. What situations do you find impulsive?
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I used to be very impulsive. One of the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis is impulsivity and back then I was Impulsive in many areas of my life and it generally caused me a lot of problems. I found that I had to actually stop, PAUSE, and think about what I was about to do. Basically slow down and not jump into things or do things too quickly. Pausing gave me some time btwn my impulsive thought and actually doing it. Sometimes I would chat with someone about what I wanted to do and by chatting with them, I realized that it wasn’t a good idea to follow thru.
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Self-awareness. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses. Know what leads you to being in a position of weakness.
Know your triggers: is it a friend? Is it a place? An emotion? Boredom? Know what triggers a moment of impulsiveness, avoid if you can, have a plan if you can’t.
Have a plan: Breathe, count to 10, talk a walk, call a friend.
Self-discipline to follow plan: Having a plan is great, but it’s no good if you don’t follow it. Self discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it nees to be done, whether you want to or not.
Celebrate your wins: We need to celebrate our wins and victories, cake, icecream, new bed sheets. The more you win, the more you get to celebrate!
It’s a work in progress, keep practicing.
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I read somewhere that addiction changes the brain and makes us impulsive.
And for a tip, what I use is prospone.
So if I want to buy something for instance and I want it NOW I prospone it to the next day.
Most of the time I even do not want it anymore then.
The same for the drinking: not today!
Tomorrow? We’ll see, but not today! 
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This is genius. Thinking that way would have saved me a ton of money
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Most choices can be delayed. Do I need to attend to this right away? should be your first query. If the response is negative, give your choice some thought. You won’t lose anything by delaying your decision or response, despite what your impulsive inclination may lead you to believe.
Also, write down what happened, who is to blame, and the desired result before deciding to take action. Highlight any information that is true, then ignore the rest. Once the facts are known, you may respond based on what actually occurred rather than what you “thought” may have occurred and see the situation from a less emotional perspective.
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This is very characteristic of people with ADHD. I am like this too and people in my ADHD support group are as well.
There’s something about talking through things & ideas with another person that helps things get grounded. It helps see things clearly, talk them through. Trying to think through something on my own? It’s like swimming in mud. But thinking through something by talking it out with someone? It’s like everything clears up.
@psequinn I’m glad you’re back, I was thinking about you the other day, I remembered your last checkin and I hoped you were safe.
I live with ADHD and what you describe is my life every single day. (I would not be at all surprised if you had ADHD; impulsivity is just part of it. I don’t want to diagnose from a distance though, and anyway I’m not a doctor 
I will share my own experience here because that’s what I have.) Many people with ADHD self-medicate with drugs, particularly stimulant drugs. The reason for this is ADHD is caused by a shortage of dopamine and norepinephrine, both of which do many things, one of which is they are neurotransmitters that carry signals from one region of the brain to another. (The shortage of these neurotransmitters is why so many people living with ADHD describe a kind of “brain fog” whenever they’re trying to coordinate things (for example, keeping track of time while doing ____ and ____). We’re brilliant at individual things, individual areas of the brain - like I’m very good with numbers - but when we have to coordinate these things with other parts of life, like time, people, expectations, it’s like an orchestra with no conductor, because there’s less neurotransmitters carrying signals to coordinate our brains.)
What do stimulant drugs do? Produce norepinephrine, which is a type of adrenaline. (Adrenaline, stimulation.) What are people with ADHD brains drawn to? Neurotransmitters - like norepinephrine - which help lift the fog in their brains.
There are many ways to live successfully with ADHD - to thrive actually, because it is a unique strength when you understand it (it’s just like anything else: take care of your body, and it takes care of you) - and it is possible to live successfully with a variety of approaches, both with and without medication (some people choose non-stimulant ADHD meds or even a medication-free route because they feel it will work better for them).
I am part of an ADHD support group for adults in my city and one of the things I discovered is most of us enjoy and benefit significantly from talking ideas and plans through with people. It’s like we are “external thinkers” (our strength shines when we talk things through and plan them in conversation with people) whereas non-ADHD people are “internal thinkers” (their strength shines when they think things through on their own). (This is why I’m happy to hear @Butterflymoonwoman’s experience is the same! I don’t know if she has ADHD or not but she did share about her impulsivity, and that at least is similar; the fact she finds it helpful, like me, to talk things through, reinforces my belief this is how we succeed in the world.)
Neither one is better or worse, they’re just different. Apples and oranges.
You wanna know what I think? I think our world could use a little more cooperative conversation. I think our world could use a little more talking things through. And this is exactly what we do. We talk things through.
I have created daily reminders in my phone to have checkins with my wife. It’s 15 minutes a shot though it can go longer. At the checkin, each of us shares about how we felt and what’s in the works tomorrow. I find it reassuring knowing I’m not on my own, that I have a time today I’ll be talking with someone. I don’t feel that panic of feeling like I have to think it through myself.
I also have a Whatsapp group with the people in my ADHD support group. I can text the group any time. It is super helpful to speak with people who I know understand how we talk things through, how we’re external thinkers.
I would say take a look around and see what you can do to find people you can talk or text with, people who want to see you succeed and you want to see them succeed, and you can connect with them and grow with them.
Is there somewhere you can start or some people you can contact, where you are?
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mч ímpulѕívítч íѕ uѕuαllч αnd αutσmαtícαllч fuєlєd вч rєѕєntmєntѕ. íf ѕσmєσnє hurtѕ mч fєєlíngѕ σr вєlíttlєѕ mч єхíѕtєncє σr ínvαlídαtєѕ mє íѕ rєαѕσn tσ gσ αnd rєlαpѕє . í knσw í’m trчíng tσ numв thє pαín lífє вríngѕ. ѕσ í prαctícє lєαrníng whαt tríggєrѕ αrє. whєn í dσ thíѕ ít hєlpѕ mє αccєpt lífє σn lífє’ѕ tєrmѕ. ít’ѕ nσt αlwαчѕ єαѕч, mч wíll gєtѕ ín thє wαч . ѕσвríєtч íѕ α nєw hαвít αnd ít tαkєѕ tímє tσ chαngє σld вєhαvíσr .
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The impulsively that comes along with addiction is a difficult one for me to wrangle. I used to mistake it for spontaneity, or maybe that was just me trying to glorifying my lack of control. When I get in a cycle of intrusive thoughts and obsessive thinking then couple that with impulsively I need strong skills to save my day.
I start at the thoughts because for me that’s where it all begins. If I can catch myself when the thoughts become intrusive and recognize them for what they are before they become obsessive I am doing great. I do that by calling my sponsor and shedding light on the demon in my mind. If I don’t manage to notice the intrusive thoughts and they become obsessive I also call my sponsor but a simple conversation isn’t usually enough for me at this point. It takes meetings and reading literature to counteract that shit. If it gets as far
as impulsively for me I am usually fucked… its REALLY hard for me to let that go and wait a day because the obsessive thoughts are overwhelming. I do try by using meditation and other tools, sometimes I am successful but honestly it doesn’t work very well. I need to take action early.
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Your mind will always throw thoughts at you without giving you the option on if you want them or not. That’s the nature of thought but thoughts will also go away if you decide to not participate in the thought. So look at it, acknowledge it’s just a thought or impulse and decide its not who you are. If it doesn’t add value to your life and purpose just let it go, remember it’s just a thought and not a command so take a few deep breaths don’t grab hold of it and it will pass. Stay strong you can do it.
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This is extremely helpful for me. For a long time I’ve been fighting going back to a therapist, but the more and more things come up, the more the signs point toward ADHD coupled with my bipolar depression…
Matt, I’ve actually been doing pretty well. I’ve just noticed as of lately my impulsively getting stronger and my consciousness fighting it less and less. I know this is the perfect storm for a relapse for me… so I want to be proactive.
I really appreciate everyone’s feedback. It’s been very helpful. Thanks friends!
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One of the things I’m beginning to understand about living and thriving with ADHD is that we are, more than others, interactive thinkers and doers.
We connect more than other people connect. (I’m not saying that’s good or bad, I’m just describing.)
We are like water: we don’t have a shape on our own in standard conditions. We flow in and out and up and down; we alter shape and direction, we flow unstoppably in the direction of the riverbed and of gravity. (The flow can be altered, but it requires input from others, and vice versa.)
Water is absolutely essential for life, but it is not a structure on its own. It interacts - it co-acts, it flows, it shapes and adjusts - with the environment around it.
We need to be connected with other people. We need that space, maybe daily, maybe multiple times a day - as many as it takes - where we can let our minds flow and talk back and forth and pace through things with other people, and that’s how we learn. That’s how we find our path. That’s also how we stick to it.
Isolation - which is what addiction is; addiction always, always disconnects us from people - is chaos for people with ADHD. It’s like we have no compass, no map, no sense of where we are or where we’re going.
We need to seek out spaces where we can talk things through with people, pace through things, explore them. We are interactive thinkers and doers (especially about complex or multi-faceted things).
This space can be at a recovery group or with friends from that group, or other friends you trust; it can be with people who have ADHD or people who don’t. What matters is consciously finding that space where you can talk things out and get yourself grounded.
I also find that I sometimes have to reassure people that when I’m talking about something, I’m just thinking it through and processing it; I haven’t reached a decision. Sometimes I find people assume that what they’re hearing is a decision. (Maybe non-ADHD humans think things through in their own heads and make decisions and then speak? Weird 
)
Also:
ADHD is a strength.
I say this and I stand by it. The way we think and the way we interact and process and move through the world, contributes a unique strength that all humans benefit from.
ADHD is a strength because brains with ADHD are among the most imaginative, unrestricted, unboxed brains there are. ADHD brains see connections other brains can’t see because those other brains are too regulated to see them. That is a strength and that is something we can use to great positive effect in our personal and professional life.
Take care and don’t give up P. You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
Another quick note:
Impulsivity is something I suspect you’re going to have to find a healthy relationship with.
In my experience, impulsivity is highest when I’m dying of repetitive boredom and routine. If I’m not adventuring, discovering, doing something new (or in a new way) and it’s been days or weeks of that, it is like sandpaper scouring my skin: it’s excruciating.
Impulsivity signals a need, just like physical hunger means I need healthy food.
Impulses are seeking something new or different. Things which are new or different are sources of anticipation, and what hormone is created when we anticipate things?
Dopamine.
(See “dopamine a neurotransmitter that is missing / severely under-present in people with ADHD”.)
It is possible your brain is doing the cat-jumping-around-in-my-head-impulsivity thing now because it wants neurotransmitters.
Maybe you can speak with your doctor. Be sure to disclose your full history of drug use; the doctor will need to know that to work with you on a workable solution (there are a range of options, both in lifestyle and in non-stimulant medications).
Also look at ways you can inject novelty into your day to day life. Change the place you’re working. Carry dice/a die in your purse and a short list of “fun things to do” (like coffee or Central Park or ___ or ___, etc), each thing on the list has a number, and you have to do whatever you roll. (You can change the list up from time to time.) Change the food you eat: explore new menu options. There are so many ways to inject healthy adventure into the day to day. 
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How do I learn impulse control? Easy: I simply look at all the times I ended up worse off, because I thought something was a “good idea”, or “just one” or “this time will be different”.
It wasn’t, I’d later learn, often times quote painfully.
Learn to spot your own bullshit, and quit falling for it. That’s what I did. That’s what I do.
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