Almost all the people I associate with drink and every time I try to go sober, I find myself relapsing because I always find myself wanting to drink when I’m around them. Any advice?
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Welcome Mbani.
That definitely makes it harder.
Here’s some good reading for ya.
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Sometimes it means letting go of some friendships. Particularly if they aren’t supportive or respectful of your decision to quit drinking.
Be open to making new friends that align with the new, healthier version of yourself.
Sobriety isn’t an easy transition, and it often means we come to certain realisations. For me, I learned I had drinking buddies, not true friends. Real friendships don’t fall to the wayside just because you’re not a drinker.
Edited to add: I see you are new, welcome to TS friend 
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Welcome! Glad you are here! For me it wasn’t hard to be around drinking friends because the choices I made drinking were going to ruin my life so I could be around those people and just think about my motivation for quitting. Albeit was not much fun rather boring watching them do the same dumb shit every week. I just continued to involve myself in the important things in my life and naturally drifted away from bars and other places and people I drank with. I did have a bit of a time early on telling people I was done drinking, I used different reasons to help me gain confidence with people who wouldn’t understand why I quit drinking but now I’m happy to tell people “I don’t drink!” It’s tough but pushing through it looks different for everyone. If it’s really hard for you and they effect your decision to change, it’s probably best to avoid them until you feel confident in your sober boots. You’re in the right place though and you have people to turn to! Sometimes when I’m around drinking friends I just get on here and spend the moments I would have drinking before encouraging other people or talking to people and it helps me work through it too!
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Honestly i ditched my drinking friends. Have started talking to a couple now that I am more stable in my sobriety but still don’t really hang out with people that drink.
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Welcome! Good question… for me, I spent more time kind of on my own the first couple months at least. A lot of time hitting up recovery meetings instead while I got my head on straight.
Then came time to think. I had three kinds of friends.
- Ones that drank. A lot. All the time. That was pretty much the only reason we got together. I quietly never went back to hanging out with them. Most didn’t even notice. Kinda sad when I think about it.
- Ones that drank a little. I never noticed how little til I drank not at all. They were good people who might have literally one beverage at a barbecue, and otherwise very full lives that did not revolve around drinking. Interestingly they were also really good friends who were super supportive when I quit drinking. I spend a lot more time with them now. They usually have ice cold sparkling water in the fridge when I come to visit.
- New friends that don’t drink at all! As I did recovery stuff like AA, I met a bunch of people like this. They also have a lot more in their lives than drinking, and we get up to all kinds of stuff together.
So yeah… some things changed a little, some things changed a lot. But they say you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with or whatever.
So choose wisely, I guess. Spend time with those you most admire!
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I’m 22 days in and most of my friends and family drink alcohol…but I’m realizing that I have my drinking friends and I have friends that drink. The difference being that my friends that drink are also more than happy to engage in other things and our friendships and relationships doesn’t revolve around drinking. My drinking friends on the other hand…well, those relationships primarily revolve around alcohol and we don’t really do much together outside of drinking and I’m seeing that they are largely superficial. I’m in early days, but my guess is that many if not most of my drinking friends will probably fall by the way-side once they figure out that I’m no longer drinking. Thus far I’ve managed to be “very busy” when asked to come out, which isn’t complete BS…I am busy this time of year and those around me know that I can get buried in work, but I’m sure that excuse won’t last long.
I haven’t told anyone yet except my wife, but I think my friends who drink will be quite understanding and supportive as our relationships were cultivated and revolve around much more than just drinking. This past weekend I went out mountain biking with a few of my guy friends and afterwards we typically go to the micro-brewery for a pint or two. I ended up ordering an NA, which they didn’t really notice, and those times are never about getting drunk anyway…just a post mountain beer. I’d imagine they would be cool with me being AF, but wasn’t quite ready to go there yet.
I’ve also met a some new people…wouldn’t go so far as to call them friends but I joined a hiking group on meetup and have met some pretty cool people. I don’t know if they drink or not as our interactions have been limited to hiking.
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