How do you know when gratitude is not appropriate

It’s been a while now that I’ve been down and the root cause is 100% work.

I’ve told them I don’t want to leave but there’s only a certain amount of stamina to continue returning to a place where you’re under paid, under appreciated, no protects for development and have made it clear you need change. I ran out of steam over 6 months ago, I’m running on complete empty.

I’m currently sitting waiting for a docs appointment, probably going to get treatment for depression. But I’m annoyed that I need to medicate my body to deal with this shitness of my job.

I’ve tried taking in positive affirmations, I’ve been practicing gratitude for some time now and even started meditation. But it occurred to me today that now I’m just using my personal time in these ways to try to counteract the shitness of work. How d?o you know where the line is? How do you know


I always believe that enough is enough whether you choose that it’s enough or your body and mind choose it’s enough.

Burnout will happen regardless, the body keeps score. If the situation is really bad and you have clearly reached out for help and asked for reasonable changes or support- with a complete lack of return or compromise- then the fact is that they do not respect you enough.

I would look for alternative work. It will depend on your financial and social situation and responsibility as to whether you can leave and do this, or stay and earn and still seek alternatives. Often that decision, once made, lifts a great weight.

I do hope that you will be treated for work related stress rather than depression (it could be depression of course caused by work related stress) and that you might get some support. But if you need medications to get through this tough time, lean on them. However, the problem doesn’t lie in you, it lies in your workspace. I would run a mile if it truly was making me mentally or emotionally ill… In fact I have before.

You deserve better. You know if you are being disrespected… Just ask yourself honestly.


When I’ve felt like my job was affecting my ability to live life and not be miserable I started looking for a different job.
It is always a process, and sometimes scary, but in my opinion, 100% worth it!

I hope you can find a way to feel better!

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What are you staying in the job for? It doesn’t sound like anything will change soon…but it sounds like you need a change.
Maybe the line that needs to be drawn is between you and the job… may be time to start looking elsewhere and doing whats right for you to function in a healthy way.


Your body is telling you it is time for a change, how can you make that happen? Once you have hit the wall with a job (in my experience) there is no going back.

I worked in a domestic violence shelter for 3 years and loved it for 2.8 years. Once it was unbearable there was no going back. I will always remember the moment I breathed out a big held breath with the words “I’m going to quit my job”.

Just like sobriety if something isn’t helping your life change it. It won’t change until you change it. Sending all good things your way.

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For me it was a switch that clicked and i realized that my life is too short to be even a tiny bit miserable - especially if i was capable of making a difference.

I did have to change career paths and did not know how that was going to be sustainable but I knew it was still better than sticking in the job that was sucking out my soul and energy.

These are all great practices and i do believe we should do them daily to keep us grounded and feeling at ease. I do not believe that you do them just to get you to feeling “ok” with the day and the situations around you.
I feel like you kinda know that your work is toxic for your growth. I understand loyalty and not wanting to let anyone down but you should be first Loyal to yourself and make sure you don’t let you down.

Wishing you luck with your decision. We are here if you need to vent or chat.


I went through a similar situation this past year. The burnout at my job got so bad it affected my performance, and they let me go. I aired my concerns to management multiple times during one on one meetings, but they just didn’t care. Finally found a different job that pays considerably less, but I like it a lot and am so much happier now. It sounds to me like you need a change, too. I wish you success.

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I believe that part of sobeiety after a year or so is you start to listen to your body and mind when things just arent right.

You have identified the problem… now fix it!.


I think that, perhaps, it’s important to as ourselves, “Why am I grateful for X thing, when it is clear that I am suffering?” when approaching your headline question. I have found that asking myself very pointed questions, and searching inside of myself for answers, no matter how difficult those answers might be to admit to, is important to move past difficult situations I might feel trapped in.

I’ve had jobs that I’ve enjoyed, but over time I’ve found myself feeling anxious, depressed, sad, and overall unhappy. I never liked leaving jobs because they were the ‘known’ and changing things was the ‘unknown’, and honestly the ‘unknown’ is kind of scary.

When we cut ourselves, we feel pain. That pain is there to let us know that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. The same is true for emotional pain. It is there to let us know that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. If we are engaging in activities that injure us physically, the best thing to do would be to stop; I would say that the same is true on an emotional level.

A person can be grateful to have a spouse, even if that spouse is beating them; however, perhaps that gratitude is being used as a band-aid in order for the psyche to ‘protect’ themselves from the truth that they are actually in a bad situation and there is a reason they don’t want to admit to themselves that they won’t leave. Perhaps they are afraid that they won’t be able to find another spouse and will be alone, and that prospect of being alone is worse than then for sure having someone, even if the situation is causing them to suffer. But sometimes our fear of that unknown possibility is worse than reality, and that by leaving an unhappy relationship, that opens up the possibility that they could find a relationship which could make them happy.

I think the same can be applied to a job. Perhaps not at a 1 to 1 scale, but there can be similarities. We don’t have to have a boss who is abusive, to realize that our relationship with our job has become unhealthy for us, even if we love our job or like the security it gives us.

I don’t know if this is useful for you, but they are my thoughts on your post based on my own experiences and how I process information. I wish you the best in your situation and hope you find a way to be happy in your work life again–whether that is in your current company position or by finding something new.


Thank you so much everyone for all the responses, I really appreciate it, reading through in depth and hope to take it all on board.


Have you thought about looking for a new job?

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I have been looking but also I have been told (again) that my job will change… they keep stringing me along but I am willing to wait and see at present.

I got Covid the week before last and it turns out to be a silver lining because the high pressure impossible work I was being crushed under got distributed out to 5 people!! So now I have an actual manageable workload along with the promise (again) that things will change. I’m going to give it until spring.

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