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Hi, Pamela
Totally understand where you are currently. I feel that’s where most of us begin our journey. It’s totally ok to feel what you are feeling. It means you are ready for the next chapter of life. I was also in my 30’s when I decided to make the change and leave my drinking behind. The drinking was causing a lot of the grief in my life. I work with addicts, have addicts in my family and I was one myself and I could see where my future was headed. More destruction and chaos. Loosing my kids, the relationship I had been in for more than 8 years and even my health. I too felt I had nothing to show at my age. The things that I too hoped I had accomplish where not there. Once I focused on sobriety, my health in every aspect mental, spiritual and body (weight). I started to see a brighter future. I started connecting with people who would help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. People who were going to cheer me on the journey. I came clean to people I loved about my problem (alcoholism). With strengthening connections the future started to blossom. Just like we are never too old to go back to school we are never to old to give our life’s a fresh start. The fact that you are here is already a step in that direction. I went back to church and that has had a major impact on my sobriety and in my personal growth. I would encourage exploring that avenue if you have any ties to a local church.
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You wont get the time back. I get it. Feels like you have wasted it all. But what you will get back is the new memories you make. Literally every decision you make from here on out you can guarantee will be more thought out. You won’t have that thought in the back of your mind (when can i get another drink in). You will become less reactive. You might not ever get some relationships back, but you will form new ones. The depression, sadness will pass. Reach out, try new things, join a gym. Do something other than your normal pattern. If your day is doom scrolling and television change that habit. Start a new habit. Embrace change.
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