How do you move forward from the destruction drinking has caused in your life? I’m in my 30s, single, no kids, not close with family, have very few close friends. When I stop drinking I realise that most of what I’m unhappy about with my life is of my own making, my drinking has pushed so many people away, destroyed relationships or just stopped them from really starting in the first place. I don’t have any of the things I wanted to have in my life at this point. I’m lonely & depressed. & I feel so much regret for the destruction my drinking has had that has led me to this point. I can never get that time back, I will probably realistically never have many of the things I wanted in life. & it’s my own fault. I just feel so sad about it all. I know I can stop drinking now and try to stop further destruction, but I can never get the time back. It all just feels a bit hopeless. How do you move forward when you feel so much grief & loss over the way you’ve chosen to live your life?
For me i was sick of being sick so i went to AA and my life changed that was a few decades ago so it works if you work it wish you well
That’s actually a positive in my eyes. You can turn that around yourself. It’s all in your hands you know. The good and the bad. You can make yourself happy just as you made yourself unhappy. Yes it’s work. Living a good life is lots of work. But it’s bloody worth it. Instead of destroying yourself and yourself further. Start to build something good from the ruins.
How actually you should go about it you have to find out yourself. For me a good startpoint has been the realization that the opposite of addiction is connection. We need connection. Connection has many forms. For me it meant finding connection within myself, to my body, connection between my body, brain, and mind. And connection to others. I needed my peers. I found those here. I needed connection to people in general. I still have lots of work to do there. Making slow progress.
My addictions started because I wanted to run and hide from life. I took refuge in my addictions. It got me nowhere. It took me till 53 years old to do something about it. I persisted being sober and working my Recovery one day at a time for 1695 days now. Making progress. One day at a time. I wasted 40 years of my life but what’s done is done and now I’m going forward. I’ve learned stuff in recovery I never would have learned if I wasn’t an addict. Forward friend. Together. You’re not alone. Big hugs.
The thing I have found is life is a long journey (if we are so fortunate, which many of us will be). You are still very young (30’s is the new 20’s) and have all the time in the world to begin anew, make good choices, focus on your sober future and get lots done.
If you give up now, and revert back to your old ways, well it’s probably going to be a much longer and harder journey.
I wish you the best on making this day the best it can be, then rinse repeat tomorrow.
As the saying goes that I’ve lived the past 30+ years following, “choose your attitude”… we can choose to be down and in dumps and that’s where we’ll be. Or we can choose to embrace, enjoy all life has to offer and have some fun along the way, and it will… it’s really all a choice we get to make.
Best wishes and hope you start that incredible journey forward 
Menno said it better than I could have. This was the truth I found by being engaged and active here. I’m not an AA person, I did try it and if that works for you then that’s wonderful. Mostly I think we need to feel less alone in our struggles. It’s not just about the alcohol, it’s often more about whatever else is going on in our minds and our life. Getting sober helped me to take a look at that and what was holding me back and making me sad. Therapy can be really helpful, too. I’m glad you’re here and I hope you stick around. 
Hi Pamela and welcome. I know exactly how you are feeling. In fact I bet most people relate to your statement
We as humans have dreams and desires, most of which never materialize the way we imagined they would. This is true whether we drown ourselves in alcohol or have never touched the stuff. It is the human condition.
However, we can live harmoniously with the world around us as it is, act with compassion and good faith, and for us addicts - avoid using poison to disconnect from everyone else experiencing the same human condition.
Love that you are here healing with us.
Im sorry ur feeling so sad. I get it… I really do. Ur not alone in feeling this way. Unfortunately we cant change the past amd what has already been done. BUT… we certainly can change what happens today and plan for our future. The important thing to remember is that we have a chance of things getting better as long as we stay clean and sober. Thats our ticket to a better life! Its okay to grieve and feel what ur feeling, just dont stay there for too long. U have ur whole life ahead of u 
i got clean this time around at age 37. And i absolutely remember feeling the way u are right now. I mean the odd time, those regretful thoughts pop up, but i remind myself that I can still have a wonderful life bcuz im clean and sober. Who knows what opportunities will arise for u as long as u stay true to this path. Hope ur day improves
One day at a time. Do something today that makes you better tomorrrow. Some days it’s simply staying sober, others it’s working on acceptance. The more you work to make yourself better the better you become, it’s cumulative, but you have to start small.
For the rest, there’s 2 ways to look at things, you can lament all you’ve lost, or you can realize all that is available to gain. That’s sort of the beauty of being at rock bottom, there’s only one way to go, up.
It’s all easy said than done, that’s why it helps to have community to lean on and guide you.
Hi Pamela!
These are some REALLY big realizations. And this is PRECISELY where life can change. When I realized I was the problem and I had to change ME, the very next day I landed in AA, got a sponsor and started the step work. That is how I began changing my life and still do to continue to move forward today. They say in AA, “We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it” and that has been my experience in doing the stepwork. I used to think to myself Man, I wasted SO much time. But…I didn’t. I needed those experiences to get me to where I am today. Those experiences taught me things and gave me the gift of desperation to allow in a real change. This is just my own experience, but I hear this same story often in the fellowship. I figured it was worth an honest shot and I had nothing to loose. As I surrendered to it, I just lost the weight I carried and had a whole new life to gain.
Hi.
For me, regrets are like resentments. I had to deal with them. I had to forgive myself for my choices and my behavior. It wasn’t easy and there are times that my regrets pop up and challenge me. I realized if I didn’t, it would lead me right back to drinking.
At the end of the day, I can’t undo the past, but in forgiving myself for the damage I caused, I can shed the regrets of my past.
Welcome Pamela, you sound so wise for someone in their 30s. So many realizations. Not drinking is the first step to changing your life. The detox from alcohol with change your perspective.
Welcome Pamela and proud of you.
What I came to discover is that if I dive head first into my recovery, I begin to be the person I’ve always been meant to be.
When I can be myself, I can find friends or acquaintances that align with those values, and they’re friendships that will stand the test of time.
It’s okay if I’m alone for awhile until I can find myself. It doesn’t mean I have to give in to my addictive behaviours or allow my inner critic to pick at me in negative ways.
It’s the addictive brain trying it’s hardest to get you to come back to what has taken so much from you already. Don’t allow it to take more of you.
Additionally understanding I can’t change the past.i can only build a path forward in this very moment right here and right now.
Chick im in my 40s and dont have squat. Drinking cost me everything.
My view on it is this. Do i regret it? yes, but i still have the opportunity to obtain those things. Its never too late. Start small and build on it. Make you tomorrow, better than you today. You can only change the future.
I have been feeling the same way too frequently recently but I am also reminding myself feeling guilt and shame makes me human. I got out of a treatment centre in November and have relapsed very hard since. I have been in and out of benders and want to stay off of the alcohol but I find these feelings that have been created from my last keep leading me to drink, even though the drinking is the reason I have these problems in the first place. I have done things in the past that cannot be changed and I am lucky they didn’t end up worse. I am 27 and have a very supportive, strong, and wonderful husband and I need to keep reminding myself that he deserves a better life than dealing with this. I also need to keep reminding myself than things will not get better unless I stop, it is a vicious cycle but the only way to get out of it is to do everything you can to stop. You are still very young with a long life ahead of you and can change it… it’s not too late. Sorry for the rant but I totally feel this in my life right now and am glad I found this community to know I am not alone
Thank you so much everyone for all of these responses. I have read them all through & it’s comforting to know that others have/do feel the way I do & good to remind myself that the only chance of things changing is for me to change something ie my drinking. I know it will feel less painful the further away I get from the mess I have made of things. Just have to make sure I get there… I need to do this for myself to give myself the opportunity of something better.
I understand exactly how you feel
I’m in my 30s and spent my teens and 20s drunk
I’ve completely wasted my life so far
I don’t have any close relationships not even my family speaks to me and I don’t have any real friends
I see my sobriety as a clean slate it’s a chance to start again and get the life you want
I was tought in My first weeks that since you can’t change past it’s useless to cry over it.
And since you can’t control future it’s useless to worry about it.
So all you have is a present and this Day. And by taking good care of this day you end up creating past that is pleasant and future that looks bright.
This is all fine and dandy. Beatiful words but how to actually accomplish it? I myself force the change. Everytime i notice i’m crying about past i give myself mental slap on the wrist and immediately force my focus on task at hand. Same thing with worrying.
And slowly i see a change. It has become an automatic thing i do by now. Slowly i need to do it less and less too.
I think this is how we were trained to worry and cry about useless stuff too. Slowly over the years we turned more bitter by worrying and crying little more everyday. Just need start learning in the opposite direction.
Kill it before it lay’s eggs!!