How do you tell someone you are sorry

I hurt a really good friend right before i got sober. I feel terrible. What things do you say so it doesnt sound like an excuse.


You don’t say anything. You get sober, you stay sober, then you ask how you can make an amends.


First of all, welcome to the community. I hope you find this space welcoming and helpful on your journey.

I think apologies can be helpful, owning up to the behavior that caused harm without saying that being under the influence “caused” it. A simple “Im sorry and I will do better from now on.” That being said, the best apology is to show that you are doing your best to make changes in your life and your behavior and showing them through your actions. I made so many apologies to my husband over the years of drinking and behaving badly that they became empty sounding without showing the changes that I had promised to make.

I hope you’ll find that participating actively here helps support your in those efforts.


Like others have mentioned, making an amends thru staying sober is the first big step. I too have hurt people thru my addiction, where i also felt the need to apologize. In this case i always worded it differently. Instead of saying “Im sorry” (which they have heard 100 times), i tell them “I was wrong” and then i go on to give my heartfelt apology. But its crucial that once the apology is made, that it never happen again. Apologies without a change are meaningless.


Actions speak louder than words. Prove by your sobriety you are sorry and are willing to do something about it


I always say there are reasons and not good ones, but there are reasons. But still take full responsibility and show willingness to change.


Is this person still your friend or did they stop talking to you?

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They stopped talking to me/blocked. Its sad because we used spend all this time together. He always said gm everyday talked throughout the day then he would always say gn. Weve been that way everyday for 2 months straight. He knew I had a problem, he did tell me i needed to stop before I hurt myelf or someone else. I was drank off one night and went off of him. After i sobered the next day i didnt hear anything from him. When i tried to reach ouut to apologize i found out i was blocked.


First of all welcome to this community Tara. Glad you are here. I feel that for now you should focus on your sobriety. After you have stacked some days and are ready to make ammends and if you are able to reach him that seems like the time to seek forgiveness. If you are going to attend meetings and work the 12 steps with a sponsor it is :
Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” I have made amends in a different program. I respect the 12-step program :100:. It works.Period. I like this as well.

Eighth Step Prayer
Higher Power, I ask Your help in making my list of all those I have harmed. Be forgiving to others as You are forgiving to me. Grant me the willingness to begin my restitution.

Again welcome to TS. I cannot say enough about the beautiful souls here who help one another on their journey of sobriety. Take it slow. Wish you well.


Welcome to this community @lorelai . Glad ur here!