Today is my day one, I was doing an app that required me to have 3 weekly appointments.I’ve had multiple quit dates but am praying that this one can stick. I’m now feeling guilty for quitting the program. I had a rough day yesterday and am feeling very broken, anxious, depressed, ashamed, and just disappointed in myself. I was in the program for about a month. It just made me feel like my whole life was talking about alcohol. I felt a lot of pressure to show up. I know that’s accountability but it felt demanding. This I feel is a better option because it’s my choice to show up but not required of me.
I have found some other good options for myself too, including daily meetings with the pickles. It’s an online group of women. They meet everyday online at 11am and 8pm. Local aa meetings but I’m terrified to go to those. As well as looking for a therapist which I haven’t found yet to address the why of this situation I’m in.
I just know I want better for myself and especially for my family. All of us deserve a better me. I’m hoping I can find the support I need from this app and also my other resources.
Welcome to the community. This is a really great place full of a lot of wonderful people. There is so much knowledge and advice in this community. Whether you’re having a good or bad day definitely make this a part of your routine. Interact and get involved.. it definitely helps.
I’m sorry to hear you had a rough day yesterday and I can understand leaving programs I’ve done that more times than I can remember mostly because of feeling uncomfortable or anxiety or whatever the reason was. But if I’m being honest stepping out of your comfort zone is what really is going to produce results. There is going to be ups and downs in recovery and life but nothing you have to drink or use over. It’s going to take time to rewire your brain and retrain your brain. But it definitely gets easier the longer you commit to recovery on a daily basis.
I understand feeling nervous about going to in person AA meetings but I highly suggest giving it a chance. Speaking personally having a sponsor and working the steps and having a network of People I can talk to has greatly helped my life. If you go to a meeting and you don’t necessarily like it then don’t give up just try another one. But it seems to me like you’re doing a lot for your recovery and you’re reaching out on this community and communicating about what is going on Plus utilizing your resources.. so I think that’s pretty awesome.
There is many programs, and ways to get sober but the main thing is not forgetting why you got sober in the first place and learning how to live and exist in this world without the drink or drug. There is so many ways to cope instead of drinking or drugging. I will also say that you don’t have to have a bad day. Something might happen and you might have a bad couple hours but you can restart your day at any time.
Right now Just keep things really simple and basic. Take things one day at a time. Give yourself a break. Give yourself a chance and just make it through the next 24 hours without drinking and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Once again I want to say welcome to Talking Sober.. Glad you’re here
I appreciate you so much. I’m happy to be here, wish I didn’t have to be but feel lucky there is a community like this for me to utilize. That is all such good advice, I definitely agree that taking those steps and making myself feel a little uncomfortable is going to get great results. I feel comfortable on here now but struggled so much with the group therapy sessions that were part of the program. The one on ones were even worse! I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there. My anxiety just goes crazy, I need help with that but I’m having trouble a bit finding a counselor. I hope to solve that problem soon.
I plan to attend the online aa meetings I found and I’d like to check out some more. Maybe even challenge myself to attend the dreaded in person one. I know I can do this. What you said was empowering for me so thank you! Feeling like I do today is my biggest reason. I already journaled about it and plan to do that daily too. It sucks realizing that you just keep making the same mistake. And that your hurting those you
love most.
Hello There Mushoom….. very ironic username:blush: I have nothing against Mushrooms… but to my knowledge they exist mostly in damp, dark, and chilly conditions. My alcoholism led me to a very similar environment. My life is a lot more comfortable and less chaotic today. Far from perfect or ideal, my life simply improved by staying sober day by day for the last 176 days. It’s hasn’t been easy…. But everyday is easier. As you mentioned, show yourself some grace, compassion and tolerance. Stay patient and be persistent. Welcome to this cool community…. I’m new also, I wish I had explored TS in depth from the start. Good luck and please keep us in the loop
I really understand everything you’re saying. I remember sometimes thinking I Wish I didn’t have these problems and could be like everybody else. Or like how did it get to this point. But looking back or in retrospect usually if I was thinking like that it’s because I was letting myself think like that. The best possible thing is to stay busy with positive activities and keep moving. The worst thing I can do is sit around and think. Thinking never really solved anything but action does.
The anxiety during groups and meetings will definitely get better the more you put yourself in that environment or setting. Also once you realize there’s no judgment and there’s nothing you are going to say that’s going to be surprising or crazy if anything they’re going to relate 100%.
starting with the online meetings is a good start and eventually you can work your way up to in person meetings. Like I said just find one that works for you. Journaling and writing is definitely a good way to help your recovery and put things in to perspective for you plus you can look back on these writings in the future. Same thing as far as looking back on posts on the community with how far you’ve come or what you were going through in the past.
I know for me I spent 10 or 15 years relapsing and in and out of rehabs And programs mostly because of the insanity of believing that this time I can make it work. Today I accept the fact that it’s never going to work in my life. Drugs and alcohol are not going to work. And it’s not the end of the world. My life is actually incredibly better with out that nonsense. It’s insane I would burn my life to the ground or have so many negative consequences and I would go get help and then get out of a program and tell myself maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I could have just one. But that’s not the reality and I have to ignore that thinking and I have to play the tape out. What is really going to happen with a relapse not what my brain wants to tell me.
Hang in there and keep reaching out. Everything will come together for you if you put your recovery before everything. One day at a time
I believe you’re right about the mushrooms environment but I just love them, they have been my jam here lately. I’m partial to the red and white polka dot ones. It was a rash decision lol. I just wanted to get in here and check this app out. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me. I know alcohol has led me down a path of self destruction. I’m finally ready to deal with that now and put forth all the effort that I can. I like who I am better when I’m not drinking. I’ve recently seen that in the program I was doing. I just don’t think it was right for me. I think I have a good plan. Thank you for the warm welcome. I’m definitely glad to be here and feel uplifted already. I know the coming days are going to be hard but right now I feel pretty good about it. I’ll definitely keep everyone posted.
I can’t thank you enough for hearing me! Everything you said is exactly spot on. I’ll definitely follow all your advice and work on some more positive thoughts. And try to think very little. Keeping busy definitely helps.
I fear the next few days, since starting the program, the one I quit) I never really quit. It was made available to me to track my drinks, I think that was my down fall. When I started it I was miserable and felt horrible after a drinking binge that was days long. I was pretty much the worst I’d ever been.
I’ll definitely check back in tomorrow and for the days to follow, thank you so much for support. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone and not crazy either.
I wanted change and was ready to quit, but when I saw that the app allowed you to drink still that thought wouldn’t leave my head. My longest streak was 4 days. I now realize that greatly reducing is not an option because I struggle with over drinking once I start. I thought crazy as well and thought I could do it. I’ve been very wrong. So now I want to start this approach. Actually quitting and sticking with it.
Welcome Mushroom. Glad you found us. It is a perfect time for you to become free from alcohol. I get the feeling of resistance to doing it the ways others suggest. We addicts want to show ourselves that we can be in control. That we are strong. I have finally found that my strength comes from outside myself when it comes to alcohol. I am powerless over that poison. But when I become aware of the power around me, like the AA rooms, the random events life presents us, the infinity of the universe…I am relieved of the horrible drive to flood my brain and body with ETOH. One day at a time, I wake up and promise myself no drinking today so that I can find that power outside of myself to really live my life in harmony with reality. It really will become more evident to you, the more you work on recovery with others in the sober communities(like here). I have a routine to at least checking daily here, and try to read about how others days have been as well. Take a look at my posting history.
Thanks for understanding, I thought people would think of me as ungrateful for not taking advantage. I don’t like to be told how to do things or what to do and have always gone to the beat of my own drum a bit and it just wasn’t for me but I still want to reclaim my life. Put my sobriety, myself, and my family first. I’m finally ready.
I can definitely relate to being powerless to alcohol. It consumes me. I appreciate the warm welcome. Thank you! I’ll definitely check out your posts.
This might sound weird but this is a really good place for you to be at. Excepting that moderation doesn’t work is really a great step forward. I think in one of your previous responses you said some thing about giving yourself grace and that’s exactly it. Give yourself a break and don’t worry about solving everything in a couple days. I know what it’s like to be first getting sober and those first couple weeks just thinking about the past and mistakes and whatever but if you stay sober and make small changes in the future you’ll have different memories to look back on ..sober memories. Everything will come together. Being sober and living sober takes practice and the more you practice your sobriety the easier it becomes. I know I’m just a stranger but I definitely am proud of you. I don’t know how many years I tried to moderate or change my drug and alcohol formula or switch drinks or try different methods and I kept dealing with the same crazy cycle over and over again. So this is really awesome to hear. And there’s nothing wrong with thinking and reflecting pretty much what I was saying is like sometimes for myself I will be sitting on my couch stuck in my head thinking too much and then I will get up and go do some thing and usually I feel better pretty quickly. Move a muscle change a thought. Definitely keep the community updated on how things are going and Don’t be afraid to reach out good or bad.
Yes I said that, I try to give myself grace but my self esteem is in the dumps as well as my anxiety. I know those things are both affect by the alcohol. So I think taking this step will help me improve not only health wise but mental health as well. I am worried about those thoughts because I do have so much regret. In a couple of my four day stents in that program there were some crying periods as well and frustration. I just need to remember that I can do this and remember why I want to. I just teared up a little cause you said you’re proud of me. It’s hard for me to believe that you would even care yet you’ve spent so much time today chatting with me. I’m so grateful! I really needed it. The assurance that I’m doing the right thing, the encouragement, and your experience, thank you! I hope you have a great rest of your evening. I’ve got an early morning. Goodnight😴
I’ve been where you’re at and so have so many other people in this community. We understand and you’re definitely not alone. Everything you’re feeling and experiencing is definitely normal but I promise things get better. Hope you have a good rest of your night as well. Every day sober is one more day headed in the right direction!
As Trevor said maybe a face to face meeting might help there are ladies meetings in AA , i to was scared and full of anxiety when i went to my first meetings i had to sit on my hands they shook so bad but i was out of my comfort zone and afraid but the group gathered round me and were nice and i stuck at it and it did get better and i grew in the fellowship that was 15th sept 1986 and am still sober so if you have the desire and make the effort its worth it wish you well
That’s awesome! Thank you for sharing with me. I’ll try to pull up my britches and make myself go. I’m so very worried about reputation when it comes to meetings. I come from a small town and I don’t want to be labeled. I know that probably sounds silly but I run my own little business, am a mother of 6, and run our household.
I feel if I’m outed for what I am which is an alcoholic, I’ll lose respect of some…… I’ve struggled with that for some time, it was my reason for a long time not to get help and reach out. I’ve reached the point though that I am not meeting expectations and becoming so overwhelmed so I knew I HAD to do something.
I super appreciate your advice though. And I’ll plan to try a meeting soon. I’ll be posting on here to update. thank you!
@Mushroom For me, eventually the pain of continued using became greater than the pain of doing things I didn’t want to do like going to meetings and showing up.
Maybe you aren’t ready because you lack the willingness… the willingness, for many of us, comes from the pain of active addiction.
In my experience if you are truly an addict/alcoholic, you won’t make it until you’re ready. And if you’re not thats okay, don’t die and eventually you will be.
@Mushroom welcome! Keep things simple. One moment at a time. Do what takes to go to bed sober tonight! Don’t worry about tomorrow or forever. Just today, this minute. You can do one hour, one day, right? Do that. And wake up hangover free and commit to not drinking that day, no matter what. You got this!!! You really do!! It gets easier I promise.
thank you!
welcome! Keep things simple. One moment at a time. Do what takes to go to bed sober tonight! Don’t worry about tomorrow or forever. Just today, this minute. You can do one hour, one day, right? Do that. And wake up hangover free and commit to not drinking that day, no matter what. You got this!!! You really do!! It gets easier I promise.