I posted recently about how my Hubby is being really off with me, I am struggling so much to deal with his attitude to my quit it is driving me insane, he has started being awkward about when he will be home from work, saying I stress him out wanting to know (as I am preparing dinner!!) Also telling me to give him space and that he is going to make time for himself now as he hasn’t been able to for a long time (I have been suggesting he join a gym/martial art class or something for years and he has always brushed it off) and I basically feel like he is punishing me for whatever hurts I have caused him with my drinking, I can’t even get him to tell me how he feels or what he is thinkin he just says his head is in a mess! I have apologized and told him I want to make it up to him and be the wife he wants but how can I even begin when he is shutting me out like this? I am beyond devastated and just don’t know what he wants from me or what to do! Has anyone else had anything similar to deal with?
Wow tough deal you seem to have there. Like we spoke the other day I think (my short term memory is still shot), my hubby was very cross with me the last time I Frank’s (and every other time before that) and so wasn’t very nice at all for the first two weeks of me quitting. I felt at the time that he was doing it as a power trip because I couldn’t understand why he would punish me when I was obviously in such a bad place to have got a drink problem, why would he push me down further. I did wonder with this power thing whether he was trying to push me into drinking again? Anyway I figured in the end that he was the one with the bad attitude and it bloody well wasn’t going to get in the way of my recovery. I think by showing him that he wasn’t having an effect on me, made him grow a pair and it’s all good. You got this girl, we all think you are amazing!
Mine basically asked “so are you quiting forEVER now?”. I answered “I don’t know” (because really, I don’t know…I don’t want to commit to something and then disappoint people with failure. But since then he hasn’t really said anything about it. Not even a “good job” or anything. It has just become a non-topic in our house now. Which is good because I didn’t like having to justify myself.
My bf was supportive of me getting sober. I asked him the other day if he would get sober with me. He looked at me and didn’t say anything. Then later that day he went to the gym and i picked him up and he didn’t drink that night. The next day same thing i picked him up from gym and usually he will ask me to take him to the store to buy beer nope he didn’t another day no drinking for him i told him I was proud. He dis mention he was still going To drink but just on the weekends. This is huge he would normally drink a 6 pack every single day. He also quit weed and smoking less. I’m so proud it’s a big step for him! I noticed some of my friends have also been inspired and wanting to quit their habits… i tell them how much happier and energetic i feel and they are like huh…maybe shes on to something! Feels great!
She doesn’t have a drinking problem, so why should she quit(and she doesn’t). All I asked for was 6 months from her. Luckily, Winter is here. So, the neighborhood drink fests have slowed down. We’ll see what Spring brings
I think its a really confusing time for both of you.Seems like he has had to deal with alot if things on his own since you werent always present and maybe he is distancing himself to see if you really mean what you say.He sounds a little scared.
Either way this is a good time to spend time getting to know yourself sober.It can be painful but also freaking amazing. I have dived back into the things I love and I notice my husband being attracted to that.
My husband may not understand what its like to have an addiction but I know he loves me. He did ask a few months ago how long Id be stopping for and again this time but this time instead of saying I dont know I told him I just want to be sober, Im a happier healthier and better person when Im sober, period.
Thanks all, I am going to try and just get on with doing my sober thing and ignore his moods or pretend I don’t notice them I think, maybe this is karma for my past behaviour!
@Jasmine69 Just give him space; he may be dealing with his own things and isn’t ready to discuss it. Keep busy with your sobriety and working on yourself.
I think partners just struggle in general to accept something that changes about us and being sober is a massive step especially if you have been drinking for years and most of your time together you were drinking.
I think it maybe just that they need some time to accept a different side a better side of our personality as we start to find out who we really are without drink. it is a life change and they will have to accept it. Mine is starting to but still have to put him straight sometimes as he mentions well you can have just the one NO I Can’t. It has to be never it’s the only way
I tried again to talk to him this morning, told him that I know my past drinking has upset him and that I just want him to give me the opportunity to make amends, he won’t tell me what he is thinking at all but has asked me to give him some space and to leave him be for a month and so I have agreed - no idea what the hell that means really but that’s all I could get out of him!!!
Thank you so much Oliver, those are wise words indeed, I have had so much great advice today my brain is overflowing (aa meet this morning and a two hour chat with a lovely lady I met in another meeting) I so appreciate your help!