Hay everyone. I’m 4 hours away from 13 days sober from alcohol, cigs and caffeine and the last 4 nights I haven’t been sleeping well. Waking up feeling like I need to go to the toilet 2 - 3 times a night then finding it hard to go back to sleep. I do need to go but its not necessary sometimes as it could wait. Since I started my journey (again. 3rd time at sobriety) the cravings have been low so far but i realise that could change and sometimes i can be in a situation where the need to drink will come at me out of now where.
Yesterday relapse was on my mind pretty much all day. A real fear of it, day dreaming about drinking again (when i say day dreaming it certainly not a good one) and feeling that disappointment in myself as I’m buying the alcohol and my mind in a heated argument. I’m in the middle with the other two of me shouting at each other and me. One on the side of sobriety and one on the side of booze! The me in the middle is just feeling disappointed with himself, sorry for himself and he’s not listening. He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. He had a choice not to buy it, he still has a choice not to drink it but for some reason that day the choice of buying and drinking it feels like the better option?!
I’m wondering how much my fear of this is fuelling it. I’m trying to be kind to myself and think “well if you’re aware of all this then that’s good right?”
I realise that when it really comes down to it its all about just ONE DAY AT A TIME and when (cause it is coming) that need to drink hits 9-10 out of 10 i will be faced with a choice. Sobriety or drink.
Congrats on your 13 days! There is wisdom in what you are saying. I had a similar experience when I relapsed after a week of sobriety when I joined TS. In fact, I remember the argument in my mind when I was battling that voice in my head, the fear I was going to cave, and I even came to the forum asking folks to wish me luck, and then I caved !!
Many have said the first few weeks are the hardest, and man, were they right! Hang in there, keep up the good work one day at a time and eventually, that wolfie voice will fade. For me, it has finally faded considerably, but it took me a couple of months for that to happen.
You know all this is normal in the early days right? Its the hardest time imho, we all go through it …you are not alone my friend. I remember having to absolutely grit my teeth every day to not give into the voice in my head to go get a drink…i used to mentally tell it to fucking do one! Then distract with something or with other thoughts until the thoughts went away…then it came back and i did the same thing…id say to myself right Kelly…get some fire in your belly and dont let it win!! I made staying sober my absolute top priority…relapse just simply is not an option no matter what and i took it off the table completely, its not an option friend you must find another way.
That’s the weird thing. At the moment its not the cravings that are making things hard because they are minimal. Its the lack of sleep and fear. Anyways thanks for response! Congrats on your journey!
Way to go – 13 days sober is amazing work! The beginning is so damn hard --we need to remind ourselves of how hard it has been to come to this point. It would not be hard if we didn’t have a shit relationship with alcohol. Its hard cause we can’t ever go back (not even for that 1 drink). Lets get through this rough patch and come out shining addiction free.
You are doing so well and you should be super proud of yourself!
This is it. You get to choose this everyday, sometimes multiple times per day. Every time you choose sobriety you flex your sober muscles and make it just a hair easier to choose sobriety again next time.
My sleep was off too. Even if you aren’t in bed sleeping you aren’t drinking. A sober head on a pillow in the morning is all you need.
I have a healthy fear of relapse because I could stop choosing sobriety at any moment. I protect against that fear by noticing the ways my life has improved in sobriety. Once I stop noticing that, drinking is imminent. Keep your focus.
Congratulations to 13days of sobriety. That’s huge! The first few weeks are the hardest and getting here is a real achievement! I still remeber the battles in my head from early sobriety. It was no fun. What helped me not to cave, was making a plan on what to do once the shouting and arguing in my head would started. For me it was the decision to walk physically walk away from the place where it started. That would give me time to let the ‘I don’t want to drink’ side of me come up with good arguments against it. And every step in a different direction makes it harder to turn around.
It gets easier every time. It’s like a muscle. Keep training it.
