So I am currently 117 days sober from alcohol. My urges were gone for the most part until around a couple weeks ago. What’s triggering them is my ex (whom I was with for 7 years , engaged to) told me 4 months ago we didnt talk anymore and we should take a break. I asked her if she wanted to talk to other people, and she broke down crying and said no. She then asked me if I wanted to. Of course my response was no , she was and still is the love of my life. Well , I found out she was talking to another guy for months before we split up. While I’m finding all this out I had to put our dog down ( my 5 year old, baby essentially) which was devastating on top of her leaving and doing whatever it is she’s doing. So my urges really came back after I got laid off last week. Possibly for a month or more. I don’t know how to remove her from my mind and focus on me. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Trust me I feel pathetic as all hell even talking about this , but maybe someone outside of the situation could have some insight? I’m really getting emotionally exhausted to the point i dont really feel like maintaining sobriety and fighting on. I’m a damn mess and I keep a really tough front for everyone around me but the truth is , I’m a sad , sad pathetic mess. So yeah does anyone have something? I’m God damned miserable.
I dont give good advice at all but please dont turn to drinking. You will go straight back to that ugliness. Stay busy and exercise or something. I pray you get through this.
I know now from my sobriety that the saying " nothing worth having in life comes easy" I know this struggle will make me that much stronger in long run , but God damn it it’s so hard to accept the fact that she “fell out of love with me”. I know this fuck boy fast talked her and I know he was telling her for months to just leave my ass , its fucking depressing lol… I feel like I’ve been living a lie , like man if she could just drop my ass like it was nothing why should I ever trust anyone ever again. I feel like a God damn heartbroken teen writing this. I’m 27 damn years old. I’m just a wreck like I said. I’ll let you know how my situation goes… I’m so damn conflicted and confused right now…
First, well done on reaching out. The drunk in me would have been holed up with a bottle, hiding from the noise, not talking to a soul, thinking he’d get it all good and figured out. Except I wouldn’t. I’d just go for another one, then another one, and shit would just get worse. That was pathetic. I think it’s cool as hell you’re here tonight instead.
You have a good stretch under your belt, and you’re not gonna find any answers or meaningful relief in a drink. Play that tape through. That’s a devastating run, but you can still have peace.
Sobriety won’t stop it from raining, it’s just there to keep you clear and dry in the storm. Think about the solution. Maybe take a moment to breathe, mourn your furry buddy, get to a meeting. Look ahead to that next job down the road. You still have a lot of good life to live, my friend.
Drinking isnt the solution. It isnt going to change anything except make u feel worse! Be careful what you wish for. Because in your heart of hearts you may want her back, but getting her back would not be the same person you fell in love with. Her actions have proved that person doesnt exist in the way you hold on to. Like someone stated above moarn that lose, because your feelings are very real. This isn’t the end of love for you. But there is no room for the right person with the wrong person still there. You will look back and see the irony one day of this chapter closing and what youve has come because of it. Best of wishes. Also you aren’t alone, if you read through some of the threads you will see alot of us are experiencing heartache in our new found sobriety.
Imagine having to deal with all this drunk or hungover? It would be a thousand times worse.
At the beginning of the year, I was laid off and found out my fiance had cancer. I wanted to get obliterated. But I needed EVERY ounce of strength to get through.
You need that too. You need your love, strength, brain, courage. All of which is destroyed by booze.
You can do this. One foot in front of the other and focus on what you can control. Looking for a new job and looking aftet yourself.
I don’t know what to do about the relationship side, but I can offer my sympathy, as well as my thoughts from outside the situation as I was reading your post.
- You’ve been dealt quite a blow, and it takes time to heal from an injury, whether body, mind, or heart. I would expect this to be a time where you need to be patient with yourself as you process this new situation.
- Being laid off sucks, both the getting laid off as well as having no job, but the latter is something you can fix. Benefits for healing here: you get back into a routine which helps the day feel more normal than right now, and you keep busy so more of your day is spent getting a bit of a break from your emotions demanding your full energy and focus.
- The serenity prayer comes to mind here. Some of your situation is within your power to change, some of it is not. If you change the things you can, the overall burden will be lessened.
- The not drinking recommendation is obvious, but since you are still here sober with that many days, it seems something you’re doing is working, and I would think it’s probably wise to watch out that you don’t sacrifice or “take a break from” anything in your recovery practice as a response to this new life struggle.
@Bradley707, if you are a member of AA, I’d say get to a meeting and find a suffering alcoholic to work with. If you’re not, give it a try. The idea that helping someone by using your experience (117 days, you’re doing something right!) can help you focus and bring hope to both of you is how AA works.
Blessings on your house 
.
Look how far you have come… wow what a warrior!
Honestly, what do you think you will receive from alcohol if you give in to this temporary craving?
You know what it was that I craved? The feeling of “not feeling”.
Find something that takes your mind off it all…
do something new, exciting, adrenaline pumping! Go skydiving! Rock climbing! Do something that excites your soul…
but don’t give in to the drink! You are SO much better than that!
This too shall pass, and you will be fine… better than fine because you will still be sober
Great advice !
Prayer and acceptance. That’s the only thing that works for me. Crack open the big book and read page 552
These are all tests in your story. You will come out stronger from all of this. I see all these as opportunities for you.
She was not the one FOR your life. You have plenty of love to give to someone who deserves it. Someone who leaves like that is not deserving and you’ll know for your future Miss Right how to give and receive the love YOU deserve.
Can you get a part time job during the layoff?
Local recreation facilities have no fee gyms. A pickup basketball game or treadmill session can help distract the free time.
Do you have interest in volunteering at a pet shelter in memory of your fur baby? This may help other homeless animals while you grieve for your loss. This one hurts more than the girl.
Stay strong. Just that you can type out what you are feeling makes you a super hero already. Not many are at your level right now, and you only have upward to go. You’re doing amazing with these challenges.
These shall pass.
I have a copy of the Big Book from an app…there are no page numbers. Can you share approximately where I might find that page? Like what’s around it?
You feel like a you are on a ship, in a storm. You’ve lost your sail, and your rudder. Your life feels as if it’s rolling and tossing beneath your feet, pushed here and there by the strong winds. So much rain hitting your face, you feel as if you can’t catch your breath.
You have one thing that you have complete control over: your sobriety. It is the main mast of your ship. It’s solid and in the exact center of your vessel, the center of your life.
Lash yourself to the mast and let the storm rage until it passes, and it will pass. No storm lasts forever, and they are always followed by fair winds, and calm seas.
It’s called the resentments prayer. Im not entirely sure what’s around it. It’s in the very back
Thanks. I’ll just have to read the whole book to find it. 
Lol. I will find it this afternoon. I’m sick right now so I’m couch-bound
Feel better. I was sick over the weekend. Not fun.
Hey, @Bradley707, just checking in to see how you’ve been the last few days. Hoping you’ve found some peace in all this, brother.