I want to be sober so bad, but i keep messing up. Im losing everyone and everything. I dont even want to drink but i still force myself to drink. And then i cant stop.
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Welcome to a great place to succeed in sobriety. Do you have a plan? Consider a recovery program such as AA. Lots of resources available on line and in person.
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I can soooo relate
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Hi @HaleyM, welcome to the forum, I am glad to see you’ve made it 
I am sorry to read you are struggling to maintain sobriety, have you been trying for long?
On top of what @tailee17 already mentioned, I wanted to add:
- Most people find timelines like ‘forever’ a real daunting prospect, so we therefore recommend to break it down to daily tasks - just don’t drink today and worry about tomorrow when it’s actually here. One Day At A Time (ODAAT) and before you know it the days will start racking up.
- Is there a reason you (need to) force yourself to drink? I am asking because I found it extremely liberating once I realized that I do in fact not need to drink, it was a burden that only I could take off my shoulders and once I did, it made life so much easier to live!
Do please continue to engage here, it really helps and there’s always someone around to listen, respond and root for you 
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Your going down a slippery slope with this drinking
What has it ever done that’s so good?
Maybe a meeting might help you not forcing yourself to drink wish you well
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Welcome to the forum, have you spoken with your doctor, tried a meeting online or in person inperson if possible is a lot better and you’ll get name and number of people for support, try to read as much as you can on the different threads, keep yourself busy, don’t let yourself get too hungry, drink plenty of water, break it up a bit and say to yourself I will not drink today or if that’s too much do it an hour at a time and repeat , I hope 
this helps you
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@HaleyM You have taken the first step. You have recognised and admitted that you have a problem that needs fixing. It takes a lot of courage to admit that we have a problem.
Now you need a plan which will help you get sober and stick to it. You will find a lot of good advice on this forum. Find something which resonates with you and go for it.
You can do it 
Best of luck.
“How to be sober” is a perfect title. We are all figuring this out, every day. It’s like learning how to cook. You start with simple things, then learn more, and more, and over the course of your life you gather a bunch of cool recipes and tips and tricks to live a healthy, interesting life - sober.
Learning how to cook requires (in my experience) at least two things: (1) finding the ingredients, and (2) finding the knowledge.
Both of those things are outside the house. You gotta go meet people and learn from people. (You can learn online too, there’s lots of online learning and meetings, about cooking and about sobriety.)
You can do it Haley. Not alone - none of us can do it alone - but by reaching out for help and for mentorship, and then taking that advice and following it, you will find that your life changes.
I know you have a long history of drinking and you feel really discouraged and down. You probably feel like you’re never gonna be able to figure it out. That’s normal (we have all been there). It is true that we can’t figure it out on our own. But when we reach out to connect with other people in recovery - like here on Talking Sober, or by learning from the groups and podcasts and books on this thread: Resources for our recovery - we gradually figure it out, with support, and we practice under these “coaches” who are helping us practice, and we stay honest and accountable, and we get better at it.
Welcome to Talking Sober! 
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