Today will be my sixth day sober. I have come to the realization I can not be a social drinker. I am finding it hard to do social things being that everything I did with everyone in life for fun had alcohol involved! Does anyone have any advice to navigate hanging out with friends an family again? Should I be open about my journey with friends? I am not sure how to navigate this new part of my life. Much love
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That has been on my mind. Having to possibly separate from those whom I socialize with. Thank you
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Congrats on six days and welcome to Talking Sober Miranda! Once the sober days start to build this sort of happens naturally. The (drinking) people I hung out with when I drank just weren’t attractive anymore. Neither were the places I used to hang out, like bars. Other stuff turned out to be better when done sober, like going to sports events, concerts and festivals (true!). But indeed one of the challenges of a sober life is building a new social circle. Losing friends (or drinking buddies as they often turned out to be) is almost inevitable. Success!
So yes, building new social contacts is one of the things to work on when building a sober life.
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Welcome Miranda! 
Socializing without drinks was very uncomfortable at first but got easier over time. For me, every family and friends get together involves alcohol. I was upfront with close friends about my sobriety, so they don’t offer me anything other than NA drinks. Now, they’re used to the fact that I leave early and I’m no longer that person staying to the end when the alcohol runs out. I can’t stand being around drunks these days. My circle of friends has changed since getting sober. I spend much more time with friends I met in AA than I do with my old drinking friends. I’ve changed a lot over the past 4 years and that’s ok. I view like a new chapter in my life.
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Thank you so much for the welcome an the encouragement!! Thank you for sharing your experience and wise words. I’m excited to experience life without drinking and doing all the things that you expressed. I’m sad about possibly losing those friends but I know my family and myself will be better with a sober me !!
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Hi Lisa, I’m definitely finding it uncomfortable to make plans because not everyone knows I’m on this journey. So you saying you told everyone close to you so they knew not to offer is prob going to have to be my next step. I feel so weird telling my friends because I have always been very good at being functional yet an alcoholic so most people don’t even know. But I’m looking forward to the future!! Thank you for your insight!
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I was good at being a functioning alcoholic too. When I told my friends, they responded with “you’re not that bad. We never see you get out of control or pass out.” I had one ask me how long I planned on doing this sober thing. I simply responded, I don’t know if it’s forever but I do know I won’t be drinking today. When we tell people about our sobriety, it makes some start questioning themselves. I’ve had one long time friend come to me recently asking for help. I never thought this person had a drinking problem but there was a lot more going on behind closed doors and child protective services got involved. I’m glad they felt they could open up to me and now they’re on this journey to a better life.
Wishing you the best and hope to see you around the forum.
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Early on in sobriety, I tried maintaining my social life with the usual suspects. I was able to hang out at bars, restaurants, at people’s houses completely sober, until I wasn’t.
The temptation chipped away at me and I eventually broke. I convinced myself that quitting was pretty easy and so I’d be able to quit again just as easily. So I started drinking again.
I learned that I couldn’t continue with the people, places, and things I associated with drinking. So my next attempt at sobriety, I left those nouns behind. I replaced my “friends” with my sober network. Seems to have worked as I’ve been sober for over 1,800 days.
It took me about 6 months before I could really enjoy myself in social settings without anxiety. And for the first 100 days, I avoided putting myself in unnecessary situations where I could be tempted. Basically, worked on my recovery first and foremost.
As a suggestion, I wouled suggest the same, take as much time as you need to work on yourself, then work on your social life. 
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I hear ya. Most of my friends to begin with said things along the lines of “but you weren’t thaaaaat bad” or “is it for good?” etc.
Now the ones that I still see (i now think that all I had in common with some of them was alcohol) say “well done” and “you’re looking great”, and a few “i could never do that”.
I can see some people noticing how well i’m doing physically and it’s planted the seed with some of them too.
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Sometimes sobriety will break your heart, because a lot of times it requires separation from those close to you. At least for a time. Tell your truth and you will find your people​:heart:. Also, depending on what you like to do for fun, social media has a lot of groups where you can connect with like-minded people in your area to get out and be social. Like I joined an all women’s hiking group in my area, and one weekend a month, we all get together and go hiking and then to lunch, stuff like that!
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