How to deal with obsessions?

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Hello everyone, I’m writing this posts as I deeply struggle with obsessions, more so than compulsion.

I relapsed mid February after being near three months sober which, so far, is the longest abstinence time I’ve been able to reach. I’ve been tryna stay clean since I’m 18-19. I’m turning 21 this year.

I wanna be free from it fully. Drugs already took too much from me: my mental health.

I relapsed because of obsessions, which can be triggered by anything. For example, a song, an emotion, a memory.

Even if I know I don’t wanna use and tell myself the whole scenario of what will happen if I end up using and where it will lead, I still can’t help but feel pulled by it.

I had moments where the obsession would loosens it’s grip on me and Id think to myself wow I’m glad I didn’t use. But eventually the obsessions came back and I fell into it and relapsed. Those obsessions are so mentally draining. They can last hours/days. Is something wrong with me?

Right now, PAWS still hit hard, especially anhedonia but I know that as soon as I start to feel a tiny bit better the obsessions come back.

I’m disgusted by drugs. I wanna live clean and free from them. I don’t wanna use at all, I don’t even feel good when using anymore. It’s literally only autodestruction. I’m tryna live a healthy life now but I still feel trapped by it and I’m scared to relapse.

If anyone has dealt with this, Id appreciate your support. I’m gonna ask professional help regarding this too but if any fellow addict in recovery lived it and had advices, Id be grateful for it.

Thank you everyone in advance.

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Try to trade the obsessive thinking with forward thinking. If I think picking up a drink is a good idea I do a mental trick called playing the tape forward. If your obsessive thoughts lead you into a craving run through the whole messy relapse mentally so you don’t have to do it physically.
For me this looks like: I mentally give into my craving and visualize myself taking my first drink. I let myself imagine that my drink tastes good and that I could stop at one if I wanted.
Then I mentally order another drink, and another, and another and the 12 pack I actually want and I visualize my relapse all the way to my horrific hangover and the next day that I would stay in bed recovering. I visualize feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach, driving drunk, even throwing up if the craving gets really bad; and I hated throwing up.
This helps my brain stop obsessing about one drink and recognize the pattern of my thinking. I am not usually fixated on the idea of one drink, it’s usually oblivion I’m after. Playing the tape forward helps you link consequences to patterned thinking.

If it’s a person or a negative interaction with someone you are obsessing about look up the Buddhist compassion meditation and try that. “I hope I am safe and well, I hope they are safe and well, I hope we are safe and well” are the thoughts you should repeat as you visualize the person you are obsessing about. Break up the patterned thinking by trying a new train of thought.
Welcome! I picked up all these tricks reading around this forum for the past 4.5 years. There is a lot of good wisdom on this site if you look for it.

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Thank you for your answer.

I definitely tried that but it seemed it wasn’t enough. I would visualize it but my obsessions would last for few day and still be there which was draining. I think at that point it was very chemical in my brain (my prefrontal cortex not operating properly which is the part of the brain responsible for decision making) as there was a day that I suddenly had clarity before going to sleep and I was relieved I didn’t use. I didn’t have to “try” whatsoever since I know I didn’t wanna use. Unfortunately, the next day it came back.

Apparently it’s a common phase in recovery when you start to feel a bit better as the brain has more cognitive bandwidth. I do hope those obsessions go away with time though. I don’t wanna fear for my recovery forever. I think only a healthy fear to keep me from relapsing is good.

I’m currently trying to make a list of things to do when those obsessions come back. I will perhaps try writing a pre-made paragraph of what will happen, maybe it will help.

Thank you again.

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hey thank you for this. It makes a lot of sense. I found NA meetings to be quite helpful but things happened (disrespect and losing a sponsor, which looking back at it probably didn’t help) and it made me drift away.

I definitely think channeling that energy somewhere else could be good like perhaps HIIT exercise.

I really love science topics but at that moment anhedonia was still harsh and even though I know I still have those intrinsic motivation to study it was turned down by the anhedonia.

The problem with the music is that I’m addicted to it and sometimes it can be toxic. I find a good song and woah it sounds incredible and I just wanna play it 100 times in a row :sweat_smile:

Thanks again for your reply, I will add these. I’m writing a list of things to do when they happen.

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Do you know if you’re on the spectrum at all with ASD? The reason I ask is some of what you said sounds overly familiar. It’s easy for me to pick up an obsession easily, things become routine and ordered all too quickly “Friday night is drinking night” etc.

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I’m not sure. My family often hints I may be but I have no official diagnosis from a doctor. I am diagnosed ADHD though. I do feel like I go into habits quickly. Like if I sit somewhere the first day of class, I sit there for the rest of the session. Idk if pertinent haha but yeah

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I’m not sure if its but I thought it might’ve been the addict in me just spamming the dopamine. I do that with every song basically. It’s extremely rare that I listen to a song once and then another. But I love doing that tbh. I’m not sure if I am autistic but tbh I love my brain. It comes with struggles sometimes but there’s good in it too. I guess I embrace it. Do you think if I’m autistic it plays an impact on the obsessions I have regarding drugs?

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Hey there! Im a little late to your post but wanted to say welcome back to the forum! Glad ur here!

The obsession can be super exhuasting. I remember having that obsession to use my DOC and god, that obsession/craving felt like it would never end!! Some times it did last a few hours and other times a day or two. I found that (for myself), distraction that involced movment, really helped me. For example: weight lifting or intense cardio. Even deep cleaning the apartment helped at times. I just had to physically move my body to release that pent up energy.

In early recovery especially, I tried to remember HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and to take care of these needs as they arose. These are all potential reasons for the obsession/craving to pop up.

Id also did alot of reframing and positive self talk. When something would trigger me, I would continually tell myself that I no longer use for these reasons _________. I have even told my obsessive thoughts to “F off!” out loud. And oddly enough that worked too! I mightve sounded a little crazy but that little addictive voice can get loud too sometimes lol

I tried to avoid as many triggers as possible (although that can be difficult depending on the trigger). But its important to remember that the craving does NOT last forever and the longer u dont give in to it, the easier it does get. At 4+ years clean and sober now, I rarely even get a thought of using.

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Thank you for your answer! I definitely found that running helps a lot for me. I’m currently recovering from an injury but I will keep using this as a tool when I’m able to train more intensely.

I definitely relate, I’ve been saying “f you” to the drugs I get obsession with these past few days.

I’m glad to know that the obsessions and cravings do get better. To be honest, I know “in theory” that they do from researching about addiction but I’ve yet to be sober long enough to experience it. I definitely believe and feel hopeful about it though.

So far my tools are

• Considering the obsession like a wave that will pass

• Engaging in high intensity exercise like cardio or learning

• NAC

• Writing a pre-made scenario of what will happen if I use and what drugs did to me and where they lead.

• Asking God to free me from those thoughts.

Sorry as well if I answer late too, tiredness made me procrastinate :sweat_smile: