95 days here, monumental for me! I have been in an online AA group, and join virtual meetings occasionally and am looking for a sponsor. Is it better to have one in person, or virtually?
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In my opinion it’s better to have a sponsor in person because you can meet with them face-to-face and they’re able to help you better I think. I’m not sure if it’s the same everywhere but most meetings I go to at the end of the meeting they’ll ask if anyone is willing to sponsor to raise their hand. During the meeting if you hear somebody that Has what you want as far as solid sobriety, and you like what they share, The way they carry themselves and behave and treat people then you can ask them to sponsor you and take you through the steps. I was never willing to get a sponsor in the past but doing that this time around has tremendously helped me. I ended up getting a sponsor that takes recovery extremely serious That doesn’t mean we don’t joke around or have fun or do normal things like eating out or going to movies but he holds me accountable and is always trying to get me out of my comfort zone which really helps my sobriety. But with that said everybody is different I’m not sure how online meetings work and if you’re able to get a sponsor that way. Either way the fact that you’re wanting to do this is a good thing.Also congrats on 95 days that’s awesome! Keep pushing forward no matter what and never forget why you started this in the first place. Life will only continue to get better if you put your recovery first
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That makes a lot of sense, thank you for your response! I hope to have a sponsor that I can talk to and start the steps as thats what I feel is a good next step for me. Hopefully someday soon.
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Yes working the steps will help with your recovery so much. The steps will help you realize why you did the things you did as far as drinking, it’ll help you deal with your past, it’ll help you to deal with the future and make better choices and be able to exist in this world with contentment and peace. If you do decide to go to in person meetings to find a sponsor it doesn’t have to be the first meeting but if you end up going to meetings regularly and you’re consistently seeing somebody that is putting their recovery first and doing the deal then you can ask them to sponsor you. If it was me I would ask this potential sponsor do they have a sponsor themselves? Do they take commitments? Have they worked the steps themselves? Also going to in person meetings is good because you can develop a network of people you can call and also do things with like healthy hobbies or eating out and stuff like that. The fellowship in my opinion is really what it’s about. I don’t know about you but in my drinking it was a lot of isolation and selfishness. And you don’t have to finish the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to help another alcoholic. You might go to an in person meeting and somebody might share that has three days sober and they’re really going through it but you have 95 days and you can give them hope. There is so much about this topic that I want to say it’s really hard to not ramble on lol. I really hope this helps.
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Ramble away! I truly appreciate your input! My drinking was also self isolation and selfishness. I can imagine how nice it must be having that person and group as well. I find it super hard to open up to people so it would probably take a hot minute to warm up to anyone to even ask them, but I want to!
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I found my sponsor by going to the same in person meeting a few weeks in a row and like Trevor said above, got the numbers of the women who raised their hand to volunteer as sponsors and whose shares I related to. And I love my sponsor so far, I can even talk to her about my sex life and shes only neen my sponsor about 3 weeks.
Congrats on your 95 days and hood luck sponsor hunting!
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I understand I used to struggle with social anxiety and anxiety in general Or opening up to people pretty bad but it gets better the more you’re around people. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking so everything else is just Suggestions basically. All you have to do is be willing. I think you’re taking a good step for your recovery and it’ll be good for you. Very grateful for your post tonight it definitely helped me.
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Thank you for another beautiful and thoughtful post 
youre so right that the fellowship is an amazing, and so important, part of recovery (for me, so far, at least.) I drank alone 95% of the time and wondered why I was miserable.
These are such great sponsor-finding suggestions, I wonder if there is a way to save it for future readers asking the same questions?
Lastly wanted to say on the subject of helping others, I heard someone with a lot of time say that before they go to meetings they pray that if they are asked to share that their share is what someone needs to hear that day. And i thought that was so beautiful I have tried to do it myself.
Great thread thank you!
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Thanks Sarah.
Yes isolation was my last 10 years before getting sober this time… basically just wanting to watch Netflix in a dark room and check out of the world mentally. I didn’t even know how to have friends or interact with people or to be honest even care what they were saying because I was so selfish and it was always about what I was going to get out of it. The Alcoholics Anonymous program has helped me in so many ways it’s really incredible.
As far as saving this I’m not sure how that works but definitely if it’ll potentially help somebody else that would be cool. I wish people could realize or newcomers could realize that getting a sponsor or having a sponsor and working the steps is not scary it’s actually Freeing.
That’s interesting about praying before the meeting for a share to Reach or help somebody. The guy speaking at the speaker meeting I went to tonight almost said the same thing. About how sometimes people are afraid to share or that it won’t help somebody or it won’t make sense but you never know there might be one person in the room that hears it and something clicks in their head or it helps them.
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A face to face is the best place , ive been sponsoring for decades and the guys ive sponsored were going to FTF meets wish you well
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I think it’s better in person but something is better than nothing at all.
Good luck on your journey and excellent job on the 95 days clean!
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I have to comment… my sponsor told me the same exact thing. Unfortunately my shares sometimes include attempts on ending my life while drunk. I always feel the meeting might turn a bit to dark for a newcomer when I share. But praying before the meeting and before I speak help a great deal on the exact words that are spoke. Today I was reminded that the AA meeting is there for others who want to quit drinking as well as those who want to remain sober. All shares from everyone are always welcomed.
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Right. I figure start with what I can and go from there, and thank you!
I would love if my schedule allowed it. But for now I am thankful for the virtual meetings being available when I have the time or need one. Sponsor might be a little tricky fitting into everything but i hope to get that all figured out soon.
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I understand feeling weird or Worried about talking about certain things in meetings but in my opinion it’s a pretty safe place and you’re not going to say anything that someone hasn’t already gone through themselves and if it is very personal or you feel like you can’t talk about it in a meeting that’s why it’s good to have the sponsor or your net work outside of the meetings. But like I said I definitely understand initially feeling worried about talking about certain things at meetings but like you said everyone is allowed to share
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One day there will be a newcomer who has also attempted suicide and your share will let them know they can get better 🩵
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