There are a lot of really great threads on the forum where people have listed hobbies, but one thing I’ve noticed is that there is nothing where people have said how they’ve gone about starting these hobbies–especially if they are related to “finding new friends”, which is a piece of advice that is often given when someone’s current friendships or socializing involves drugs and/or alcohol.
While taking certain actions in this area might seem simple or obvious to some, others may genuinely have no idea how to take the beginning steps. Certain groups, classes, associations, etc., may be available / more prevalent in some countries or regions than others. Some individuals may be more shy, insecure, anxious, etc., when it comes to talking with new people, so “getting new friends” may seem like an insurmountable task.
With that said, I’d like to pose some questions that might produce answers filled with helpful information on the “how”.
What is a hobby you’ve picked up since getting sober and how did you get started with it?
Is there a group you’ve joined in order to change your social life? How did you find it?
Some countries / regions incorporate alcohol into socializing more than others as a ‘norm’, so if you have experienced that, how did you find ‘dry’ people / groups to be part of?
What are some methods you used to introduce yourself to new people in an effort to “make new friends”? Any useful “how to” advice on approaching others when joining a new group?
It might seem tempting to say, “Just do a web search” or something similar, but sometimes people don’t even know the right question to ask for the answer they need. When you’re stuck in a box, it can be hard to think outside of it.
I while back I was silently lamenting that I didn’t have any friends interested in astronomy and did a web search for astronomy clubs in my city and state (I live in the western US), only to find that there was an astronomy association that met every month and that had events open to everyone to the public for free! I couldn’t believe I’d never thought to look this up. I promptly decided to become a member (which wasn’t very expensive) in order to go to the monthly meetings.
At the first meeting, it was clear that a lot of the people knew each other pretty well. It’s really easy to feel like an outsider in that situation. At the end of the meeting (they are presentations), I approached the group of people who seemed the most ‘established’ and announced that I was new and wanted to meet other astronomy lovers.
Was it awkward? Yep. But it was straight forward and affective. I’m not “friends” with anyone in the association, but I am friendly with the peoplevthere and it’s a place I can go once a month where I can get exposure to others without drugs and alcohol being present. I can also go to the dark sky events open to the public which are focused on telescopes and the stars.
I’m a pretty outgoing and assertive person, so once I escaped the isolation alcohol kept me in, I committed myself to activities with recovery friendly groups at people.
AA: I had already been part of the AA community, and half of my social activities are with people in my homegroup. We laugh and have fun.
Meetup App: Sierra Club meetups for hiking, birdwatching. Any hobby that you could have will have groups that meet if you live close to a city. I’m in Kansas City.
Golf: I’m an empty nester, and want to spend as much time with my dad who is 73. I love the outdoors and walking. It also helps with mindfulness.
KC Art Museum: we have a great museum here, and annual membership is $70. They have movies on the lawn as well, so I’ll be heading there on Friday night with some of my AA pals.
What a great thread.
This is something I definitely struggle with.
I did try the meet up app, and joined a few walking groups. I didn’t ever get to go as luckily the location changed which meant I couldn’t go. But on the what’s app group it was pretty clear the long walks were in the afternoon and walking to lively pubs and then on to clubs. So I quickly just left as although I feel if be ok it wasn’t what I signed up for.
I haven’t given up, but I haven’t put myself out there too much either.
I feel I’d rather find friends slowly and have trust etc… then to rush and end up living the same life I used to just sober. I think an ongoing trauma has caused me to feel people want to hurt me. And my communication needs some tweaking as I have turnt into the biggest introvert.
I do feel for myself that maybe going to AA regularly will help, and I already plan to attend more and to get a sponsor and perhaps go for it and do the steps.
I know I need that even though I feel sometimes I’m fine, I’m not and I think I will gain alot as well as be able to give back to others there too.
That’s the key. People will try a meeting or group activity one time then quit forever if it didn’t meet their expectations. I took my time on step work with a sponsor, but I’ve been all in on AA since day 1. My group is awesome. I got lucky on the first try. For many, they have to try a few groups to find the right fit. Sobriety requires action and doing things that may be out of comfort zone.
I love your posts here, Twizzle. Thank you so much for the time you spend contributing here.
Most things I’ve started have been thru the dreaded Facebook. I dislike Facebook however it is a useful tool for searching ideas which you may be interested in, then with the click of a button you can ask them how to get involved by message.
I guess there’s one easy one: Hiking and backpacking!
I’d always enjoyed going for a hike. It’s a bit easier living in California where the weather’s often good, lots of interesting country to explore, and a very popular hobby.
The end of my drinking days I had gotten really out of shape, plus lost any motivation to leave the house.
Health rebounded quickly, as did my desire to be anywhere BUT my couch. So out I went!
At first it was just good for my health. Very quickly though, it also brought me closer to the friends who led healthier lifestyles. It’s not exactly a drinking hobby!
I would invite friends to come for day hikes, both “normies” and not. Started getting invited to more hikes and backpacking trips. Leveled up my gear and conditioning and did longer trails with them.
Plus found some recovery groups that did group hikes! One NA group that’s frickin awesome. They go far out into nature and hold some of the most beautiful, heartfelt, outdoor meetings I’ve attended.
To follow on that, besides obvious advice to find sober people in support groups like AA, the above led me to realizing I should just seek activities people who lead healthier lives do.
“Find people who have what you want, and do what they do.”
It can be anything where you might engage your better self. Physical activities, mental ones.
Me and a sober friend took a local salsa dance class. That was way outside my old comfort zone. Gotta be comfortable being uncomfortable.
Lots of people there were awesome though! Yeah, a few were there cuz they’re partyers. But most were just really thoughtful, active, inspiring people! Maybe not strictly sober, but def people who don’t live to drink and use.
Guess I’ve learned, go where people are challenging themselves. It’s scary at first, but super fulfilling.
I have found all the meetings near me really nice, the people seem to roll around them all and are very warm and welcoming. It is me, as in building that real connection with people I seem to run the opposite direction .
I actually really do need to just be consistent with it, but I’m willing and keep saying my HP will put me and my sponsor together at the right time.
But I have to show up.
I think because I did 8 years by myself before I don’t feel I’m in danger with my sobriety atm.
But this time around I did go to many and my face is known so if I struggled I had already know where and when to go for help. Now being sober for longer I see the bigger picture.
I’m scared to do the steps but not afraid to go and leap in to it.
I started swimming and have a few people who will stop and speak for few minutes, I think as I’m used to doing and being by myself I need to be more open to others and it’s not them. A few minutes chat and my inner voice is like " really, you, trying to make friends "
Got alot of work to do on myself but there is no rush for meaningful and caring relationships with others to begin.
And thank you too you also spend alot of time here.
I’m grateful for the bonds made here.
I did see an advert for people to just show up and volunteer and help set up a community garden in a church and that brought light to my heart so I’m thinking to just go along and help, meet new people and help at the same time.
I’d love to take part in a community garden! Excellent. And as long as your solitude doesn’t harm you, go for it. I think there is a huge difference between loneliness and solitude.
We have a lot of new folks joining in here at Talking Sober this time of year, so I thought it would be helpful to bump this thread. Loads of people look for hobbies and activities to fill the time they used to spend using/drinking/etc. or are looking for ways to distract from cravings. Some folks may just be looking for a new thing to do or a new way to meet people in sobriety. @Chiron I really appreciated how you framed this thread as not only suggestions for hobbies but HOW to get started. Maybe others will want to chime in now that it’s the new year.
Something relevant to me here is that I sometimes have trouble deciding on what sort of hobby to spend time on and stick with. I am a crafter/maker and like knitting, sewing, embroidery, beading, painting, coloring etc etc etc. I have way too many craft supplies that are all disorganized and I start something and don’t always follow through with finishing. But I love the process of making and having a completed final product. So I am working on organizing my supplies and getting a bit more focused in that area, getting back to my crafting notebook/journal and planning better.
I also want to find a volunteer gig this year that involves something I’m passionate about. I have contemplated the Humane Society and an organization the assists refugees in my community. My goal is to get started somewhere by April of this year after looking into places. It’s less a hobby and more a way of serving the community but also meeting people and getting outside my comfort zone, keeping obligations and doing something meaningful.
What do others think? It doesn’t have to be lofty goals, but the getting started part of hobbies, activities, etc can feel daunting.
Thank-you for reviving this thread and linking it to someone who might find it helpful–along with adding your own process. I really do hope more people will be willing to add more of their own thoughts.
I’ve also been considering volunteering at the local animal shelter. I used to do that and it was very rewarding. It also gives some valuable time time with other living beings that won’t have the pressure that human interaction can bring.
For anyone interested, there is generally information online about how to become a volunteer, or simply calling a shelter can give more information. There are many ways a person can help out, so asking questions about how that shelter runs their volunteer program, and if you are able to sign up for specific types of volunteering (rather than just being assigned to all kinds of random things just because you are a volunteer–which in my experience is not how things are run). That will help you know if this is right for you.
Here’s one: how do you rekindle your interest in a hobby you already had, but neglected for so long? Im a musician…well, I was, anyway…but due to my worsening depression I haven’t picked up my instruments in several months. Music was the only thing I had that kept me sane. Any advice would be awesome. Thanks in advance.
I can relate to this one. I have my childhood piano and a nice keyboard in my home but I can’t seem to get motivated to play again. I want to, the desire is there, but I am finding it really hard to get started or continue when I start. I’m also coming out of a depressive period which might have something to do with it. I also feel sad when I look at it and think about the time I have not spent practicing or playing and how much work it will be to get back to any level of skill I once had. I think for me it’s about reframing my thinking around it. One of the mottos I have used on here and in my life is to “do the damn thing.” Just touch the instrument, even if it’s for 5, 10 minutes. And try to do that every day. That’s where I think I need to start. I have watched my husband get back on the drums, teach himself bass, electric and acoustic guitar in the last year so that is both motivating/inspiring but also makes me feel a bit ashamed that I haven’t done it. That’s a thinking error on my part. My goal is while my husband is out of town next week to commit to touching the piano at least 5 minutes a day. Gotta start somewhere. Good luck on your rekindling, also. Start somewhere and see where it takes you.
I have picked up the hobby of a diamond art! A truly helps with focusing and concentration! I I’ve also joined zoomba dance class which I do on a site. But I have talked to other couple of other girls through the comment section and we have now become friends. I have also joined a group for eating. Well, it’s truly helped with losing my night. Habit of eating being more conscience of my health. And we do that as a group session so i’m interacting more! Thank you for asking!
That’s great you’re finding community in your activities! Are they both online groups? Well, we know from being here that online community is definitely valuable!
That makes a lot of sense…the “Baby Steps” approach. I like that. Thanks.
It’s especially hard now because between working full time and caring for my ailing Mother I have almost ZERO time to myself nowadays. I guess I just need to make the time.
Yup. And you can find it. I was considering making it a part of either a morning routine or possibly a wind down from the day before bed routine. The latter of which I’ve been working on but still have trouble disengaging from screens, especially my phone. This could help.
I agree with @RosaCanDo about just touching the damned thing even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes. With the stress of taking care of your mother, self-care is very important. One thing that could be useful for you is to literally schedule in five minutes a day where you close your eyes and play your instrument as a type of meditation, even if it is doing scales. In your mind you can “sing” the note with playing it and try to focus on relaxing a part of your body with each note.
This not only gets your hands on the instrument, but it gives you a reason to do so beyond “I love music and I wish I was playing again”. It becomes literal self care and a way to “meditate” in a non-traditional manner, which will benefit your mother as well because you are taking care of you.
Just a thought. Not sure if it is useful, but I think music takes on a higher level of importance for musicians. We tend to live through music because music lives through us.
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you also spend alot of time here.
Thanks.