I don’t know how I can love myself anymore. I’ve had so many relapses, I feel like I can’t stay sober. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I don’t like myself anymore. I don’t have any friends. I am so unhappy. How do you forgive yourself?
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I understand how u feel , I feel like that all the time & I don’t know if I can do this as soon as I get a little stressed or upset I drink … longest I have been is 2 weeks barely …
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I was extremely depressed for a while. I kind of forced my mom to visit me. It helped. Blood relatives are somehow connected through soul. Try to find any cousin, niece, uncle etc. Hold their hand and smile. May help
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Sorry to hear your not happy with yourself maybe ameeting might help plenty of sober friends waiting to meet you they arnt for everyone wish you well
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What can you do differently? Have you put any plans in place? This is the most important thing you will ever do for yourself.
We all struggled to find the groove that worked, you have to keep making changes until they work, and even then you have to fine tune them.
Stay strong, get planning, make your reasons to be sober list. Try a support group if you are open to the idea (life changing for me), change your thinking to “I want to be sober”, not I don’t want to drink" this takes negative words like don’t and subject matter words like drink out of your thoughts and you are focusing on positive sobriety. Change your routes you take, avoid the stores you bought at, change people, places and things avoid all triggers in the early days, plan and list them so you can prepare mentally for this.
Changing your life is possible, so stay positive and start making the changes required.
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I agree with @Bill_Phillips. The only thing I would add is that you deserve to be happy and do things you enjoy.
I got into a lengthy discussion about this with my wife last night. She gets coffee and simply enjoys it. I go out for coffee and feel like I don’t deserve to treat myself to it. But I’m working on it. I will do something nice for myself today and, gosh darn it, I’ll enjoy it.
You’re worth it. You’ve got friends in us.
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Thanks for putting this in words! I think for me this time its different because of the approach of wanting to be sober, in stead of not wanting to drink. In previous attemps I felt sorry for myself I couldnt drink. Now I just want to be sober. Different mindset.
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It seems forgiveness will come as you contine to stay sober. I expect to learn to love myself as I build a better life. I also expect to make new, sober friends as part of the journey. I just believe it’ll happen. Life is mysterious. I am 8 days sober.
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It will definitely happen.
Fellow bibliophile and java aficionado here. Love to hike historical places, like battlefields, get my hands in the soil and grow stuff, cook, write, etc. Complete introvert. I recharge alone. I need the energy for my work and my ministry. The flow is unidirectional…
We tend to think we need to be something in order to have that social integration. As much as I enjoy my own company, I’m no hermit. I love people. I love to help people. I love to make people laugh, or lighten their burdens…to “build them up” as Apostle Paul wrote. But I don’t draw energy from other people. I self-generate.
I think one of the keys to living is to understand who you are, and leverage this to live the best life that you can. The world needs introverts and extroverts.
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Oh man! There are a couple of good used book stores in my neighborhood. I used to LOVE used book stores. Haha, I will have to check them out without my wallet in hand!
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A home without books, is like a person without a soul.
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That’s what my apartment smells like. I have soooo many books it’s kind of embarrassing. Actually, no it’s not! Haha, I have to hire movers when I decide to relocate because no one I know wants to help move all the boxes of books.
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Annie,
So here are my thoughts to your brutally honest but sobering, no pun intended, post
Killing yourself, either emotionally by beating yourself up or actually doing harm is a form of attempted murder.
The truth is the you you are today while drinking and using is not the real you! If you assisinate your character or do harm to the person you are today it is like committing attempted murder.
Many and I mean all of us felt like you. I did not know how I could get away from this psycho inside. Drive by the insane urge to drink I had no energy to fight the demon inside that said “Come on you can have just one…” Days later waking up from a black out wondering what damage, what wreckage I had to clean up. Seeing the looks on the people’s faces I loved knowing I had done it again!
I just thought there would be no end to this nightmare! Funny thing today I would not have changed a thing. I needed that pain to be who I am today. In fact, it is my greatest asset.
My rapacious creditor, alcohol and drugs, has now become my greatest asset. I know I know knowing the way you feel today you can’t even see how that is possible.
I promise on the other side of the insanity, the cravings and the pain is the greatest life you could ever live. Walking through it cannot be done alone.
You have done the first part which is coming here and admitting you have a problem now take the next right action. Get to a meeting! Find a sponsor! Stay sober one day at a time.
I started a counter and set it to seconds in the early days so, at the hardest times, I could live by watching the sober seconds go by.
Little by little it gets easier and the real you starts to show. When that happens you will know exactly what I mean when I say Attempted Murder. I bet many of my friends on this board do too.
Stay strong you can do this! We are all here for you!
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Perfect.
“I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground. Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed hold of the next blade. In this manner, He traveled across the lawn, covering as much distance vertically as he did horizontally, which amused and delighted me. And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an “epiphany”, a moment of heightened awareness in which everything becomes clear. Yes, hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly knew what I had to do…Quit drinking before noon.”
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Thank you so much 
I appreciate your response. I am feeling better today and am going to go to a meeting this weekend and get a sponsor and hopefully make some friends. Thank you all 
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Thank you so much. Your words were very touching and helpful. I appreciate your time. Thank you 
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I know this is an older post, but something ive found is one of the hardest to figure out. I try and live by one thing - i cant change the past, but from my sober date - everything i do going forward i dont want to apologize for. 4-8-18 is my sober date. Everything before that, it is what it is. Everything after that i have to own it completely. Because i cant blame being drunk or whatever. Hope this helps, each person is dif. Hope you start to soon - and you got plenttyyyy of friends here 
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