How do you make amends for things said when you are drunk to deliberately hurt your significant other?
For me my process was pretty straightfoward. I went to meetings. I got a sponsor. I worked steps 1-8 in order. Then when I got to step 9 i was spiritually fit to make amends. I prayed on what I had to do and then worked step 9. I admit that I was wrong. I donāt blame or make excuses. I ask them what I can do to make it right, then I make it right. Step 9 is not about making me feel better. Itās about righting past wrongs, while only placing blame on myself.
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I believe one of our best amends is indirectā¦ by not drinking one day at a time and doing my best not to hurt that person again. I can say all the sorrys in the world but personally my apologies became meaningless in my active addiction because I would still make the same choice to pick up and then end up hurting that person again.
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You can simply say āIām sorry for Xā. But offer no explanations or excuses. Acknowledge what you did and how it made them feel and, if applicable, how you could have done it differently. But donāt say āI did that when I was drunk and I didnāt mean itā. At this point it doesnāt matter. They got hurt and you have to own up to it.
BUTā¦I would make sure they are ready to receive your amends. And you also need to be prepared to NOT be forgiven. Making amends is not about making you feel better, it is about making the other person feel better.
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You make amends by being better. A better you is a better mate. Tell your SO that you are sorry, you own these past hurts, and are doing what it takes to be better, so this doesnāt happen again.
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Iām telling him Iām sorry but he doesnāt understand that once I start drinking Iām unable to stop. He still thinks I can moderate or anyone can and that I should just smoke weed every night instead of drinking. I donāt think thatās the answer. I havenāt been sober since about 2 weeks ago Iām going to a meeting tonight but I totally fucked up this time and I donāt know if it can be repaired I really donāt want him to leave me. I seem to funnel all my anger towards him when Iām drunk anger I really feel at myself and not him. He also gave me acid last weekend when I was drunk and thatās why I was so angry cause although I drink I do not do drugs and I was tripping out and drunk at the same time. But still the alcohol is probably the greater evil and he doesnāt have a problem with drinking he just occasionally takes avid and smokes weed neither of which make him nasty like Iāve just been. And is always so so nice to me 
he feels terrible about giving me acid but I think what I said is worse. low even for me
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First step you need to do is get some sobriety under your belt. Apologizing for a bender while you are just coming off it is unlikely to help. Sorry means nothing coming from an alcoholic who continues to drink. I must have apologized a million times for my behavior when I was drunk. Then I would just go out and do it again. That doesnāt really make it seem like I am sorry at all. Actions speak louder than words. Showing him you are sorry will help a whole lot more. Blaming him for the LSD trip will only harm you in the long run. Would you have taken the acid when you were sober? Probably not. Therefore, itās not his fault you tripped. It was a result of your disease and continued use of alcohol.
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You know thatās not the answer. Be better. Better means facing everything that comes with life, sober.
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If he mickeyād your drink with a narcotic, it is he who should be making amends dear, not you. This is an assault. People go to jail for doing that.
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Apologize where necessary, and then be better going forward.
We cannot change the past, but we can apologize for wrongdoings. All we can do. Then, move forward as a better person. Show that the apology was genuine through your actions.
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Thanks everyone I was at a SMART meeting for the past 90 minutes and there is another tomorrow and Sunday it helped me some. I think everyone is correct in saying action not words needs to take place and I need to demonstrate change in my behaviour. We can chose to misuse alcohol we can also choose to stop misusing alcohol and take control of our own behaviour (just like @Yoda-Stevie would say - say no to the first drink)
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No he just persuaded me to take it and I said yes because I was drunk. I was just angry about being offered it in the first place. Nasty stuff
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You are right thanks
Itās about righting past wrongs,
Amends are changes. So we are making changes. Not apologizing. Not making ourselves feel less guilty.
My last arrest included a charge of littering, for tossing out my empties in the right of way. My amends was to clean up trash as I walked the road around my home. I stopped tossing butts on the ground, and paper out the window.
I was a shitty husband. I strive today to act like a grown up, admit when I am wrong and allow criticism to roll off my back as best I can. I try to be a good husband instead of always looking for the door.
I never say Iām sorry. When I apologize, itās focused on the harm done. Not āI apologize for being late to the meetingā, but āI apologize for disrupting the meetingā.
Iāll shut up now, Iāve gotta go straighten my halo, itās slipping off a little! 
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