I am struggling since a half year to end my addiction. But with cocaine in was getting out of hand since ca. 2,5 years.
I can see how i slowly get better everytime.
I can quit easy but anytime i am feeling to get better, the craving comes back (after 2 weeks)
So actually i am trying to destroy my self instead of healing and allowing me to be happy.
I think my depression is also part of that and my self destruction will.
I tried with different helps but i never got trough it. But again i try a psychologist so wish me luck!
I try my best to look at my self but even a big hole in my septum cant stop me from relapsing. You know i can try to cope with other things when stressted or sad etc. But how i manage to allow me to be happy?
Its problem i realised some years ago in therapy but i thought it was over it but since i moved to another state, got married, had good paid job and that ‘title’ i worked foryears, now living in a house with cats, my wife but still was suicidal. So i had all that what i was craving for years but now i cant enjoy it? Why? I later realised such a stressfull unflexibal job is not good for my mental health Family and addiction.
I lost/quit my 3 last job because i could not take it longer. And i try to find small jobs for the moment and to studie managment or something similar. But i feel i am in a circle instead of moving forward. I wanna have my beauty and power back, stay healthy and happy!
Welcome to a great community of people who want to stay sober. Do you have a plan? So many recovery programs are out there. Read around here. Take some advice from the successful folk.
Thank you! Yes i am doing a lot of cooking at home (coping hobbie) I wrote a AA group of i can join and going to therapist. I try to talk to my self in a happy loving way and chilling at Home, gardening and homework duties for my wife etc. Eating healthy and hoping to manage to go in to nature more often (my depression is still here, so im still isolatingy self). But i love climbing mountains and walking for hours. I have new working/learning goals for my future which is helping so im looking forward.
I deleted all numbers/blocked them. I have medicine/creams for my nose and mental health (not strong one) from my doctor.
Sometimes i can overcome the cravings or dont have them at all for weeks, but then boom its clicking in my brain all that is forgotten.
And the best is i really work for this, even with depression! Normally i get a “high” after i was at bottom and im super motivated and can reach everything i want, but this time my selfpower gone but i am still fighting!
And i already got through a lot of reading here thx! Its helping to have a community and to see that other managed it as well!
And i am thinking about to make a pilgrimage in japan which goes ca. 2,5montha. Would be good for my mental health and i
Actually i am quite happy right now that iam doing a lot to help myself, allowing me to rest but also do something at home when i have not much energie. Writing this helped a bit realising that. Thank you
You’re not the only one that experiences this, most addicts do. Have you tried composing a list of reasons you need to quit? Re-reading that may help you in your darkest hour and prevent a relapse.