I have known forever that I am an alcoholic. For the longest time, i felt that because i always worked and paid my bills, that drinking wasnt a big deal. Im now almost 40 with a lot of things i am behind on. I finally have a job where i dont feel the urge to drink at work. So thats a good thing. However, when i leave work all i can think about is how hard i have made my life. And i just want to drink to try and forget about it. Not sure how to realize i am still young. I know i can do it. Its just so hard 
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Welcome here. It’s hard and that is True but keeping yourself where you are, right now, will be harder.
You can do it! Build your plan and we hare here for you!
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I can totally relate to your story. I was freshly 40 when I really decided I wanted to quit. Weeks after, I had to face gravity of who I was and what I’ve done with my life. It took a while, but acceptance was the answer. I had to accept myself and own my shit. Only then could I start living the way I was meant, only then could I begin to recover.
It’s a journey, not a destination and like all journeys, the path is not always smooth and direction is not always clear, but that’s half the fun. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!
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I could have written all that.
For me…the first amends I had to make, the first heartfelt apoplogy I had to make…was to myself.
The best amends, the best appology is changed behavior.
Changed behavior…was one of my many mantras.
I cannot change the past. Maybe, if i work on myself today, I can influence my future, and give myself a life worth living.
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Yeah makes sense. I think it’s a human thing. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable feelings it’s how we deal with them in recovery that makes the difference. The cool thing is the more you deal with those uncomfortable feelings the more tools you’ll have in your toolbox for the future. I wish you the best!
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Friend, Im 38, turning 39 on August 27. We have to be around the same age. I am in a similar situation. I was a teacher in nyc, got a scholarship to pay for my masters degree, moved back home to chicago to teach during the pandemic and was making 80,000 as a single 35ish year old male with no real responsibilities or woes.
But my addiction led me to destroy my life over and over again to where I lost everything.
Now here I am on the cusp of my 39th birthday about to reeneter school to start a completely new career in the healthcare field.
Its a beautiful time for me. Because im, (we’re) old enough to know where we messed up, but honestly young enough to get it right so that we can grow, develop, and build a beautiful life for ourselves so that we can enjoy retirement and old age a generation from now.
It will be humbling. At least i feel it will be for me. But i feel soooooooo inspired with the true understanding that RIGHT NOW is the time for me to get it together in a way that ill still be able to enjoy my life one day.
I actually enjoy my life now, even though i have to face and work through all the challenges and roadblocks i put in my pwn way because of my obsession with my DOC and toxic sexual relationships.
I appreciate your honesty. But WE ARE still young brodie. Still in our prime able to hustle and craft a better life for ourselves.
Dont be down on yourself (for too long), cuz youve got a beautoful life to live and build for yourself. 
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