I am almost two weeks sober after being hospitalized for the 4th time this year from alcoholic pancreatitis). My fiancé is still an alcoholic and continues to being whiskey, my DOC into the house. How or what boundaries should I establish to help him realize that this is not a good environment for my sobriety? I do not want to give ultimatums.
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If you’ve been hospitalized 4 times from drinking and he still brings booze around do you really think a boundary will work? It’s not like he doesn’t already know what booze is doing.
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What is the hesitancy around ultimatums? You’ll find lots of threads around here about seeking sobriety when a partner still drinks. Maybe that will be helpful.
Casey, it sounds like your medical situation is quite serious and I hope you make that your priority. A partner who loves you will follow suit and want the best for you. If there is a discrepancy then you can approach the need for change at that time. Now is the time to take care of your sobriety and well being.
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Also: check out this thread:
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Welcome Casey,
Congratulations on your 2 weeks.
My wife and I drank for many many years together. I’m sober almost 2 years now with much help from this forum and the gratitude thread. Daily Gratitude List #3
At the beginning of my sober journey I had a great talk with my wife and she supports me fully. But she’s going to drink.
If I’m focusing on her drinking, I’m not focusing on my sobriety. I had a lot of help from Alanon back when my kids were in active addiction. So I am using those tools I learned again. Alanon.org
If my life ever becomes unmanageable again I will go back to Alanon meetings.
Have a good read around.
You’re not alone. We can do this.
I hope to see you around.
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You and your sobriety first. Your drinking is putting you into the hospital. If his whiskey in the house triggers you and threatens your sobriety then it needs to not happen.
If you’re able to maintain your sobriety with the whiskey in the house then fine let it be.
Otherwise he needs to think about you and what’s best for you and the two of you together. He’s your fiancé. Expect him to be helpful. If he refuses then there’s more you need to look at than that whiskey in the house.
Stay here. Stay sober. Work through this as you can with the resources and info presented and available to you. Talk about it here. Get well.
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Think of it like this. If you have somebody in the home who is threatening to kill themselves and is saying I want a gun I want to be able to shoot myself and kill myself. Or even if they’re just saying they want to kill themselves. Let’s say that you have a gun. A loaded gun. An unlocked loaded gun. Easily accessible. Known location. Is it my duty or your duty to secure the gun Where the person who wants to kill himself can’t get it? Or should I just expect that person to have the willpower not to go pick up that gun and kill themselves?
It’s the same thing, there’s not any difference.
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My husband is an alcoholic who continued to drink when I got sober. It was a very toxic and unhealthy environment but I stuck it out because I was told not to make any life changing decisions during the first year of my sobriety. When that year hit, I had to give an ultimatum. Honestly, I should have done it in early sobriety. I think it would made my life much easier and happier.
Thankfully, the ultimatum worked and he’s now sober but it took until I was 20 months sober for his sobriety to take off. He had many relapses but I stuck by him because he was trying. I got through it by going to AA meetings and leaning on this forum for support.
The boundaries I set while he was drinking were no alcohol in the house, no discussions under the influence, no sleeping in the same room (including sex) and we rarely ate together. I spent many evenings after work going to AA meetings to avoid his drinking. Basically our life as a couple came to a hault.
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Sounds like a very volatile situation, id be very careful what environment Id put myself in with just a few weeks of recovery. If your fiance is an alcoholic and brings liquor around and you cave into the temptation how long before you end back up in the hospital again. Might try to distance yourself from that kind of activity till you get a bit more sobriety and can manage being that close to the whiskey. Take care of yourself! I wish you well an all the best, take it easy, just a day at a time.
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I’m at day 49 so a newbie too. My husband was bringing whiskey (my DOC too) into our home also. He just can not believe we are alcoholics. Your partner has to know you are with your hospitalizations. I wanted to focus on my sobriety and not his so at first I just ignored the booze which was VERY hard. I’m a firey redhead and I wanted to tear his house down in a nasty fight. But that would only have made a bad situation worse. I stood my ground out of stubborn spite. He poured me a drink one night and I looked him in the hairy eye and poured it all down the drain. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He got the point. I had to take a very firm stand. He hasn’t brought any more whiskey into the house and I haven’t smelled any booze on him. IDK if any of this helps you Casey. If you are unable to take a firm stand to protect your sobriety what other option do you have but an ultimatum? Your life is clearly on the line here.
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