Last year was my absolute worst. Stuck in addiction, my mom passed away from lung cancer and my dad tried to hang himself. I sit here now, at 28, with 4 months sober. My dad is living with me to try get back on his feet, and now my 15 year old brother is coming to stay with me. I keep thinking, what about me? Why do I have to pick up the pieces? I want my own life, yet I can’t leave my family on the street?
At my wits end. Any advice welcome.
Shit, that a hard plate. I don’t know that I have any advice, but maybe some suggestions… I’m just pulling this off the top of my head. Maybe giving your father some purpose will help him out? Purpose like, say, taking steps to take care of your brother in the less long term? Helping to take some stress off of you? I don’t know you or your family or anyone’s situation, but I’ve always found that purpose is what gets me moving forward.
No matter what, you will be in my thoughts.
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My sympathies for what you’re going through. It’s a tough situation. Hopefully this is only temporary, and your father will get on his own two feet again. In the interim, don’t forget to take some time for yourself. Schedule time for solitude. It could be a movie, a walk in the park, reading at the library, whatever. At least that will temporarily recharge your batteries until they are on their own again.
And congratulations on your sobriety!
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Oh, it SUCKS being the responsible one at times. You tend to end up carrying a lot of weight for others, because you can hold it. It’s ok while they need it to help out but remember to take care of you in the process and not let them take advantage. You dont want to drop your load to pick up theirs. Sending you love, strength and serenity! 
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Hugs @SoberShen 
What a remarkably strong woman you are! Hoping that this is temporary for everyone. It’s your home. Your rules. You call the shots. Be fair & firm with both.
Chores for your younger brother to help you out, room tidy, curfew, school work, etc.
For your dad…Know that you’re not responsible for his mental health, you’re not to blame, nor can you accept the burden of curing him. I’d encourage any Dr’s visits, therapy, counseling for him & set rules down re: drinking/drug use/contribution to household, etc.
You, my dear take extra good care of yourself. Consider getting up a 1/2hr early each morning for either, prayer, meditation or reading recovery related material. Set yourself up each day with this focus in the forefront of your mind. Review your day at night & adjust your actions accordingly to maintain your sobriety the best.
Sending love & hugs ️:hugs:
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So sorry to hear of this burden placed on your newly-sober shoulders. Love is action, not a feeling. You are loving your family, during this turbulent time. Consider that you are the rock, the stability upon which your Dad’s fragile existence stands, and you are likely the most stable environment for your brother. 15 is a tough age for a young man.
The thing is, we only get stronger with “time under tension”. An easy path doesn’t lead to an easy life, because when adversity hits us, (and it hits everybody sometime), those on the easy path fold. They’ve never been tested. Those who’ve walked the hard path, they end up having an easier go, because they’re hardened to it.
As far as boundaries go, structure and discipline are everything. Both your Dad and your brother need structure. Expectations, rules, rewards and consequences. Set them and use them.
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Having my Mom come lives with us after my Dad passed was one of the hardest decision I made in my life.
It’s been almost 3 years now and it still not easy.
At first I tried to change everything in my life to accommodate everyone… Huge mistake. I actually was losing myself and it is one of the reasons I ended drinking daily.
I now decided that I will focus on myself first. I’m 22 days free from wine and I am feeling awesome.
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Thank you to all of you for your advice and suggestions, I do appreciate this all, and makes me feel so much more at ease.
This forum is just incredible. @Yoda-Stevie
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