Hi Bob
I have been sober for 28 years.
I have had my best and worst times sober. The best i can offer you is…
Attend you meatings and work the 12 steps.
It wont fix ewerything but it will help you become a better man and fix your past.
A better you today will become a new past tomorrow.
Best regards
Daniel
I usually just step outdoors or log in here if the urge is strong. Congratulations on your 11 months! Welcome to TS!
Ha ha, indeed.
Unfortunately, your (and my) drinking past won’t disappear because we are sober now. If someone wants to throw it in our face, they can. Once you get some solid sober time under your belt, and have acknowledged and apologized for past mistakes, all you can do it share your feelings and start to set boundaries. “When you talk about my past drinking, I feel like my current sobriety is not being acknowledged.” “If you suggest I might drink again, I will leave the conversation.” and so on.
Congratulations on your sober time, by the way. 
So glad that you’ve got another sober day under your belt.
It does suck being looked upon as a broken person in the edge of a relapse. This was something that would get me riled up too. I did sit down and have a talk with my loved ones… explaining that I’m working on changing my behaviors and keeping clean and their attitude was not helpful. I am fortunate that for the most part they listened.
It does sting when it’s thrown in my face but now I have to remind myself that I’m not that person anymore. My loved ones have seen “that” person for so long and don’t know any different so it’s up to me to keep working my recovery and show them through my actions that I’ve changed.
Having a milestone and a tragic day come up can be very hard and triggering. Remember to stay connected and also have a plan to deal with these events. 
Congrats on another day sober @BobL 
What a relief to see your post saying you left the bar and did not pick up and kudos to you for coming here and being honest.
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t let their comments get to you. Instead, use it as fuel to continue on your sober journey. 11 months is fantastic for us, but others need time to recover from our actions and behaviors. My family reminds me of my past on occasion and it’s been almost 5 years, but I continue making living amends on a daily basis. I have to remember that I can’t walk 10 miles into a forest and expect to come out in 5.
I know this is late but my advice would be to leave the bar. If you can’t get yourself to do that then call someone who can talk you into leaving the bar.
I tell a close friend what is going on in my life to make it a low moment. I explain it to them. I make an effort not to isolate myself. I also try and do the hobbies I normally would when life is going well. For me that’s going for a hike, stargazing, disc golf, normal golf, and bowling.
I really think hard about the last time I drank. How I didn’t really enjoy it. How being drunk was unpleasant. How alcohol changes my mindset and makes me a person I dislike. I remember the little details and focus on the truth of it all, and how my brain, whilst doing a good job at trying to trick me, is not right. Remember why you hate alcohol. Focus on that. 
I have a few things i do:
I have a folder in my phones gallery with pictures and videos from when I was drinking. I will scroll through and the sinking feeling it gives me reminds me that i would rather feel how i feel right now than how that person felt and made others feel.
I also have a sobriety playlist on spotify that i listen to. Im a musician and a singer so i will sing some of those songs at the top of my lungs. It sounds silly but your vocal chords, wheather youre good at singing or not, release physical energy and vibrations. It pulls a certain energy out that can be really grounding.
I also get on here and see that I’m not alone.
Even though i dont follow the traditional steps of AA i do ocasionally go to meetings if i feel im really at the brink.
When dealing with stressful family things or fighting with my fiance i will tell them that i need a moment. I’ll take a second to myself and come back to the situation when I’m ready starting with “i love you”
Now another thing i do frequently… i will bite into a lime or a lemon. Its just a placeebo affect but something about the bitterness, sharpness and burn deviates me from wanting a drink. For some, it doesnt work thst way and can be a trigger though. For me, i never really drank things that had citrus or anything like that so its not. But i wouldnt recommend that for anyone who like mixed drinks, margs, or tequila at all.
If you ever need to talk. Were always here 
@BobL hang in there bud we’re all here to understand your struggles in the way people who haven’t known addiction ever will
Tell my self even my best days stoned are worse then my worst days clean and sober
Hi @BobL that pressure in your chest is surpressed feeling s …Guilt ,shame ,fear, other peoples shit …there all EMOTIONS , to quote someone else on here “were human beings we were born with emotions for a reason” these things need to be expressed not repressed ,get the assessment booked , in the mean time talk about your feelings on here go in depth if you want to ramble the fuck on 
then that feeling will go away and you will be able to cope with people,places and things much better .at the moment you sound like your eleven months without using but white knuckling it ,it doesn’t have to be like that. Take suggestions from the many people on here who offer guidance. good luck bud you doing your best and your freaking awesome
I have a list of things on my phone reminding me of the things I hate about myself when I’m not sober.
I force myself to bring those memories into the front and centre of my mind if there’s any suggestion of temptation.
I’m far from perfect but I only have a chance to be a good person sober.