Love this thanks for sharing.
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I feel like Iām constantly on an emotional rollercoaster and it leads me to question myself, my decisionsā¦ my better judgement. The past few days have been a strange wonder as I spent the better part of 4 days completely alone. I noticed what a mixed bag of emotions and thoughts I have going on. And itās hard to deal with at times. Being SO up and SO down. Iāve had so many moments of pure joy and excitement and overwhelming enthusiasm, as well as many moments feeling quite the opposite. I know itās this feeling and I guess a lack of connection that led me to the day of drinking and becoming blackout drunk. Itās these emotions and thoughts that Iām constantly trying to escape fromā¦ I feel āhard-done-byā and a āwhy me!?ā about it all. That doesnāt help. Iām not sure what can. What I DO know though, for sure, is that drinking alcohol does not help nor solve this matter. In fact I know it makes it worse! Tried and tested. I had a bit of an epiphany today, a message /realisation from my Higher Power about my struggle with this emotional state of being ā
focus on the solution Em, not the problem!
Iām excited about this, as simple as it sounds, as Iāve not had this perspective before. Rather than getting stuck in my head about all the worries and fears I have, all the things that are āwrongā with me and my life, Iām going to stay - or switch - focused on the solutions! Not the problems. What can I DO to stop thinking, feeling, being, living this way? What action can I take? And then, Iām going to take it! Starting with these priorities:
- Sleeping
- Nutrition
- Exercise
- Service
I saw someone else post these as their priorities for 2022 (think it was you, @Mephistopheles 
) and it really resonated with me, and I wrote them down immediately. Again, so simple yet so clear and helpful. These are solutions. Focusing on these things are a good start to actions I can take to help myself get better. Also, other actions Iām taking are going to meetings, and ensuring my life is full of faith and gratitude.
If you can add any daily/weekly or just regular actions you take to help yourself feel better and less like a crazy person please share - including what you do for your own recovery journey as a priority 
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This is one of my favorite quotes because it puts a new spin on the idea of āmistakes.ā It popped up on my social media when I reposted years ago and I thought of you. I was planning on writing about it on my thread, but canāt hurt to share here, too. Also, me tea spoke to me this morning! It feels important. Iāve felt stuck for a while and I can relate to a lot of what youāve described feeling. Maybe it resonates with you. Much love.
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I love those moments in life when the universe reaches out and speaks to usā¦those big ahaās!! It is like you can feel the shift in energy. So glad you had this epiphanyā¦a treasured opportunity to move forward.
Love the quote @RosaCanDo shared as well.
This entire thread is gold and bookmarked!
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Love this quote, Rosa! Thank you for sharing it here! I needed to read that. And, how beautifully aligned your message from your tea is mistakes are really just lessons arenāt they - theyāre proof of our courage and ability to learn. Gary Zukav - a wonderful author and spiritual teacher - describes life as time spent in āEarth Schoolā 
for every moment, experience, interaction, relationship, mistake etc is just a lesson to help us grow and evolve 
The Universe is definitely always āspeakingā to us, guiding us towards what we need, I agree @SassyRocks, we just need to pay attention. I love a good āaha!ā moment; treasured indeed.
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Aw thanks, Rain - I love reading your understandings and perspective on things such as this; you word things in such a way that it really makes sense and resonates with me! itās important to keep it simple, so that it is doable. And what youāve described just above is certainly simple, doable, helpful and hopeful 
cheers!
10 days since I last drank alcohol. I am surrendered now to the fact that I cannot drink alcohol, nor do I want to. Tonight, Iām going to bed sober. Tomorrow, Iāll try an do it again 
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Your story is fascinating and serves as a great reminders to many of us. I can definitely relate to much of the same feelings and experiences that you described. Especially when it comes to being ānormalā, as if the western drinking pattern ever was even remotely ānormalā to begin withā¦
Even in my short streak of sobriety (forty- something daysā¦) Iāve been thinking of drinking again once I reach the year mark of my sobriety. Why is that? Well, a part of med keeps on thinking that Iām not really an alcoholic after all. Despite years of empirical evidence suggesting otherwise off course.
I kind of still entertain this stupid plan of mine, but hopefully Iāll be smarter than that in november!
Can alcoholics be cured? In my opinion: probably not. Something once broke in our mind and left our brains unable to handle any alcohol at all.
The second part I found obvious, but still very enlightning in your post concerns how you feel like a phony when you got back to AA. I have a similar experience with the same voice in the back of my head whenever Iāve gone to church while leading a life that contradicts my faith.
To read at mass and to hold a very public layman position is very difficult if you live a life doing all the sins you tell others not to engage in. The hipocracy is unbearable!
The feeling makes you dodge the things you love the most for the sake of what you dont. The comparison is very striking as I see it.
The good thing about church is that we dont have a counter. We confess and get back.
To be forced to reset the counter makes it so much easier to just keep on drinking.
Thanks for sharing your story with us, mate. I will keep it in the back of my mind and return to it from time to time. Especially when my anniversary comes up in november (hopefully Iāll remain sober long enough to see my anniversary to begin withā¦).
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Ehi friend, donāt be sad. You have done a great job till now, 1 out of 907 days means 0.001, which is nothing. You are on your way. Take that episode as something to learn from. Go easy on yourself. Love
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Thatās why I love chapter three of the big book so much. It describes how most alcoholics donāt want to quit and all the ways we keep trying to make alcohol work for us.
When I was young, I had to go to some alcohol classes because I got in trouble. They taught me about the early, middle and advanced stages of alcoholism.
I spent most of my drinking trying to avoid the symptoms. Trying to outsmart alcoholism.
Instead of getting educated and accepting that I was alcoholic. I used my education to try to drink better.
Since then I progressed into some advanced stages. I tried really hard not to go there.
Iāve also learned the hard way that even the slightest reservation about drinking again will get you drunk eventually.
My mind can turn anything into a valid reason to have a drink.
I have to remind myself that there are no valid reasons.
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So true! I drank because it was someones birthday, their name day, the anniversary of someones death, because it was summer, winter, spring, fall, because it was raining outside, snowing, fog or whatever! I drank because I was bored, happy or sad. I never drank out of anger though, kudos to myself for thatā¦ LOL!
The list of stupid reasons to have that drink could fill an entire book, heck it could probably fill a frikin liberary!
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How do I rid myself of the deceptive idea that Iām not an alcoholic, but just liberal about alcohol? Do you have any advices as spesific remedies for those stupid thoughts?
The reason I ask is because youāre older and more experienced than I. This is the first time in 13 years that Iāve gone more than a week without drinking beer.
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This is my answer to pretty much everything, but read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It will (could) do exactly what youāre looking for - well, it did for me.
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The desire to be normal and the illusion that everyone is having fun drinking but me has been my biggest obstacle. Feeling like Iām missing out. I used to have a lot of fun drinking. I always tried to keep it fun. For me, even in my relapses it starts out fun. My final relapse started out awesome! 48 hours later I woke up on the hotel floor from a blackout to the aftermath of all the stupid shit I had done.
I had a tiny reservation about drinking on that trip.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
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I know this is addressed to the very wise Jason, but Iād like to share my experience. When I hit around 4 months of consecutive sobriety, something very profound shifted in my brain to being more than okay with being a non-drinker. Continuous sobriety allows your brain to heal and build new neuro-pathways that truly have changed my journey for the better. And Iām not alone in this. Many of my other non-drinking friends experienced the same around 100 days. Thatās why I always feel so badly for those that chronically relapse before they get to āthe good stuffā that Iāve experienced at around 4 months. This is a one day at a time deal, and not all days are unicorns and rainbows, but some pretty amazing stuff happens the more days you rack up.
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It was a rethorical question, but thanks for the answer nontheless. I cant have one beer without emptying my entire fridge. If I buy 6 cans of beer and only decide to drink three on fridays and the rest of the sixpack on sunday Iāll violate all promises made to myself and finish all six of them in a few hours and then head back to the store to buy some more.
I wasnt always like this, but it developed into a pattern over time. My last binge was one day prior to my current soberity count. I got a sixpack for the entire weekend, but drank it all up and went out and bought twelve additional cans of beer of which no one survived that evening.
Hung over and fed up I decided it was time to start wearing the pants in my own life again.
If Iām not an alcoholic, then Ill become one very shortly if I dont refrain from alcohol. Its just a matter of time. Iāve been counting down the hours for the alcohol to be processed through my body prior to driving so many times over.
Not being able to drive on a regular wednesday in september due to drinking twelve beers the night before testifies to a major problem with alcohol on my part.
For the first time in ages Im being totally honest with myself. I do have a serious problem with alcohol regardless of the word Iāll use to describe it. Honesty lasts longer than lying to ourselves.
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So true. I suffer from anxiety and regular depression which kind of explains my relationship with alcohol. I hope these issues of mine will get better as I remain sober. Alcohol patches up some issues and problems for a moment, but creates far deeper and more complex issues in the long run.
I havent been neither better nor worse so far though, but my idea of giving up nicotine made me panic a bit. As a result I decided only to focus on my sobreity for now. Iāll postpone the tobacco project for now. In time I hope to free myself of that monkey on my back aswell.
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Hi @Legend06 Iām sorry to hear you decided to drink after 300 days of being alcohol free! Itās a sorry feeling we feel, isnāt it, knowing that we made that decision willingly, ignoring our own better judgement and higher power. I still feel disappointment within, mostly because Iād learnt so much and had built such a solid foundation and was living a wonderful sober life - but how quickly that can come crashing down when you donāt reach for and use your tools and support when in those moments of doubt and weakness. Thatās what happened to me. I read back on all the things Iāve posted on here over the past two and a half years and I feel so foolish that I let myself get to a place where I thought drinking was okay. Telling myself Iād be able to control it and moderate now - what a joke, I know in every cell of my body that this is not true. There is too much data and evidence right here on TS to prove that wrong. And plenty in my own life too. Yet, here I am, 16 days sober now, after having had 907 days. All is not lost tho, we can take this important lesson for what it is and continue to strive forward. I know the truth: I have a problem with alcohol and my life is significantly better without it. I wish you all the best on your sober journey, friend
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If anyone is interested in following my journey in recovery and lifeās lessons - I have an Instagram page set up in which Iām using as a tool in living the alcohol free life
Itās called learning_growing_becoming feel free to check it out and follow, if you want
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Thatās a kick ass list!
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