Feeling mega grateful for this community and for all of you! So, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone here. Your responses have helped me more than you know! itās hard to accurately express it in a few, written words. Iāve been in such an emotional state of late and Iām going to spend some time getting to the bottom of it, I need to figure out whatās going on with me. I was really scared when I woke yesterday, realising what had happenedā¦what I had done. I felt overcome with worry and fear and sadness. In the past, it would take me days if not weeks to get past the shame and dread that came with drinking alcohol for me. My thoughts would become suicidal : ( So, Iām grateful to all the kindness and support you have given me to help me through. Itās helped A LOT 
Iām learning not to be so hard on myself and to accept that I made a mistake and itās not the end of the world. I am human. I can get through it and Iām trying to keep my self-talk compassionate. Iām accepting of the fact that I suffer this way, and yet I can do the work and live a better, alcohol free lifeā¦ without the added suffering alcohol brings me. Itās just scary to think I could have such resolve at one point and then completely 180 it. I pray to God that it wonāt happen again. I trust in the Love and Grace the Universe has for me, and for all of us. 
Thank you again everyone, Thank you so much! Iām going to book in to see my psychologist again to get some further help n support, and Iām going to go to a meeting - Iād always told myself that if I ever got blackout drunk again, I would go to a meeting. Well, now itās time to follow through.
You may have just helped a lot of people today with your post. You certainly did me. Hope your ok and thank you, go again man, you can do it.
You and all this helped me. Thank you 
The justification is the hard part. Honesty is what brings you back. As you move forward try not to hold the weight of the regret over your head. Whats done is done just focus on your way back to where you want to be
your story is my story and I betcha a lot of others. All I can say is journal this, remember this and use it to grow. I had so much empathy for you when I read itā¦we will never be able to understand why we self-sabotage. Alcohol just doesnāt make sense. But, I can say I do believe by sharing your story not only will you begin to feel better and progress in your own sobriety, but I think a lot of others will read this and know they are not alone. I truly think it ātakes a villageā
for those of us in recovery and thatās why I appreciate your story. We help each other by sharing our truths.
You have made me a little stronger today.
I
I just wanna say thank you (and everyone) for the honest share. As I heard an old timer put it onceā¦
Itās like an old radio. If you have it cranked up to 11, turn it off and put it on the shelf, it doesnāt matter how many years you let it sit there. When you turn it back on itāll still be full blast.
I yo-yoād enough before stopping a few years ago to accept it. There are days I still need reminding.
Today I firmly believe it doesnāt matter how much time I leave the bottle on the shelf. As soon as one drop touches my lips, all judgment and compassion go out the window till Iām blacked out again. Itās just how Iām wired.
Sounds rough, but itās fine so long as I donāt drink today.
Glad youāre straight back here and on the horse again, @emc2018.
2.5 years is a huuuge amount of time to be proud of. I hope I can stay sober that long. Call it a blip and a reminder. Stay positive. Stay focused. Brush it off. I watched a guy on YouTube who talks about his sober journey. I think he stayed sober for two years then went to a wedding and got drunk. But he continued with his sobriety and used it as a life experience and it taught him in a good way.
Thank you for sharing, it really does help me to hear what we go through and realize i need address my emotions and feelings before they become something that makes me want to cut loose or twist off over. The good thing is that we have a way to recover, this communityās here and another chance at a happy/healthy life in sobriety.
I am really sorry, but try again and think in the good moments, and how your live have improved in the times of sobriety.
Begin again. Relapse is a question of one moment, and a moment do not define your live. Do not let you down!
Good luck and happy twenty four hours!
Great post. I have copy this list in my phone. I will not forget it.
Thank you!!!
Someone shared theirs with me years ago and it stuck. Glad it spoke to you!!
This! Love it and how true it is. Brutal honesty, with ourselves and others = vulnerability = growth = transformation and recovery
Itās uncomfortable, itās hard but yet itās worth it. The wonderful feeling of release and freedom that comes with sharing our truths, with being honest with ourselves! If only we utilise the love and courage within more often, rather than acting from fear, how honest and free weād be.
@emc2018 I am sorry to hear this, but you have to give yourself some credit to come back here and write about it. We all have missteps but to own them and face them is key I feel. Stay true to yourself and we all have your back. Best of luck and hope you have a incredible 2022
I canāt tell you how awesome this list is! I copied the text and set it as a daily reminder in my phone to read before I start each day! Thank you! Stay strong everyone!
Glad it resonated!!! Read it as needed and add your own stuff too. Remembering the reality of drinking was so helpful for me!!
I just think itās fantastic that you came on here, leant on the community and was open and honest about it.
Honesty and the ability to self-reflect (both negatively and positively) is a true indication of the progress you have made in fighting your addiction.
One night is a slip, a warning sign. Treat it as such and know that you have the support of all of us on here.
Thank you, Vick. I appreciate you saying that, it means a lot. Yes, I think the only way each of us can heal and move forward on our lifeās journey with love and worth is through brutal honesty - with ourselves first and with the people who love and care about us
Thank you! Definitely have used and understand it as the lesson and warning sign that it is. Iāve turned that disappointment into a blessing now as it has strengthened my understanding of myself, alcoholism and has led me to faith, love and the support I need 
So much has been said by other people that I think is just great. Thereās nothing I can tell you that you donāt already know or that hasnāt been said. We really canāt go back, only forward. We have these periods of time and then theyāre gone. I think that when we try to go back, no matter what itās about, it just isnāt right.
Youāve talked about how you were already planning it in your mind before you took action, and thatās exactly how it is. Thought fuels are emotions, and those emotions give birth to our actions. The greatest thing I see here is that you are doing what youāre supposed to be doing, and learning from the experience. When you do that, nothing is lost. You transmuted the days on the counter into a learning experienceāa type of alchemy.
I know you will move forward and be even better for this experience. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Chiron! Thatās one positive way to look at it, for sure 
thank you for your response, I appreciate it and your words help! I am definitely aiming to get better, each day. Iāve taken up a new hobby to help in my journey of recovery - photography. If anyoneās interested in checking it out, my page on Instagram is called
learning_growing_becoming ā¦trying to caption my photos with helpful words and inspiration, stuff Iāve gained from all these life lessons being learned! Really enjoying taking the photos too! Who knew there is SO much gorgeous flora around! 
