I had an argument with my sister yesterday. It was a tough one. It ended with me telling her that she’s the reason I have thoughts of hurting myself 
. I also told her that she’s a very toxic person in my life. These words hurt her but it stung to hear myself say them out loud too. Unfortunately I said it because she had just been very cruel, and thats a common occurrence. She has a hard time accepting me for my sensitivities. She mocked me tonight because I had to walk away from washing dishes after she threw a glass plate in sink and then silverwear on top. I panicked, pulled away and said I can’t do this right now. I apologized to my mom and excused myself from the kitchen. I was secretly triggered by the bang that throwing the plate into the sink had made but I was also scared that if it had broken in the process and cut up my arm or hand, I’d be so triggered. I was trying to protect myself physically and emotionally. It was a very hard thing for me to go through because she didn’t see my side of it. All she saw was how sensitive I was being. I can’t seem to think of how her anger had anything to do with me. I felt truly like it had been the wrong place at the right time kind of situation. She didn’t throw the dishes in the sink aggressively to hurt me, I wasnt even the person she was mad at. It just hurt when she started yelling at my other family members that “ofc she can’t handle it, she can’t handle anything” bc I’m really fragile rn. I’m just one mishap away from shutting down inside and holding everything in until it overflows. But I made a healthy choice, I took space and cried… I am still very emotional and hurt but at least I can say I finally spoke up and took my power/control back. My therapist and I talked about setting boundaries. I used to have a hard time with that but I think I did a good job of it this time. I walked out the door and did some Christmas shopping without her today even tho that’s her favorite thing to do with me. She was trying to make me feel bad for that decision by yelling out as I walked out the door “do me a favor and don’t come home” guys how can I be ok when my twin sister doesn’t allow me to set boundaries and even make me feel horrible about setting them? I’m so hurt right now. I want to not be so bothered but she’s my twin sister. Unfortunately that’s hurt for my parents and family to understand bc twins have a dynamic that most siblings and other family members don’t have. Especially identical twins. Im very sad today. Does anyone know what a warm line is? If so, could you send me numbers for someone to talk to without thinking I’m in crisis bc I’m not I just don’t have many ppl to talk to. Thx.
I’m sorry you’re hurting from this fight with your twin; I don’t have a phone number for you, but I’m listening.
It seems like sometimes people hurt those closest to them bc there’s almost “safety” in the hurtfulness; doesn’t make it ok - but also means that sticking to your plan and finding ways to protect yourself.
You’re making great choices for yourself, keep up the great work for you!!!
How’re you doing now?
@Runner4 thank you, I appreciate it. I tried contacting my team at my mental health office and nothing yet. I’m feeling slightly better about the situation but we haven’t seen one another all day long so…
Now, she’s acting as if nothing happened despite all that she said to me. I’m feeling confused, unsure of what’s actually going on and I feel like she’s manipulating me or something bc everytime she calls it’s a different reaction which is confusing and I wonder if this is real like I question what’s real almost.
Ummmm… wrong thread Jazzy? 
Oh man…thanks Dan…I will fix
Hey Julia glad you are feeling a bit better. Sorry - I don’t have any numbers for you. I do hope a team member contacts you shortly.
I think it’s great that you did stick up for your mental and emotional needs. Sorry that your sister is not understanding where you are coming from and causing such triggers.
Sending you love and comfort 
I’m so glad that you were feeling safe enough to share @Jules000
It’s tough to creat boundaries, empathy, and patience in situations like this for me.
Have you discussed your sensitivities with your sister to make her become more aware or has it not gone well in the past?
When I confronted my brother about the pain he caused me, he denied ever being part of it and pushed it back on me for also being a “wimp”.
No one else can tell you how you should feel or try to make you feel otherwise. Your feelings are very real to you.
So sorry we can not talk, but know that you are being listened to, all around the world. Assuming then that you USA, I, for example am from down under in New Zealand. Alcohol is my devil, but then I do not have a sister, she died aged 28. Addressing the problem, or recognizing it, as you have done by putting it down on paper is a great start to solving it. I really felt for you so just had to write something. All the best and here’s wishing you a happy festive season.
@Allowed2BProud Unfortunately that’s the way she is with me too when I confront her. She acts like nothing’s happened or acts like I’ve done a terrible thing to her by telling her how I feel. She’s been violent, mean and has had no control of her emotions or reactions to them since as long as I can remember. Unfortunately that has meant as her twin, I suffer quietly and let it happen so she doesn’t do everything in her power to make me look like the bad guy. She knows I can’t stand not feeling like her and I are friends. So she’ll act in a way that makes me feel guilty, scared, lonely and desperate for her love and attention. She’ll ignoreme, my messages and calls, and she knows I’ll let her take space but she also knows that while I’m giving her space, I’m going absolutely crazy wondering if she’ll ever love me again. She’s convinced me that she no longer wants anything to do with me and doesn’t love me or want me around by telling me things like I mentioned on my first post. “Do me a favor and don’t come home” followed by 0 communication the rest of the day. Guys idk what to do the emotional pain and mind games she puts me through are so difficult to cope with. I’m feeling extremely depressed today.
Thanks for your support. Extremely sorry for the loss of your sister when she was such a young age too. Thx for writing. Merry Christmas 
For me I had to realize that I confronted him about my concerns and that his inability to own up to them and apologize was his own issue and was now greater than my need or desire to have his apology.
It took him getting an incurable brain cancer to finally say sorry.
I wish this was not the case for him.
I appreciate your advice but It still hurts none the less no matter how many times I take control and power, or just the idea of letting go of my desire for an apology there’s still pain & hurt. I think it’s bc I haven’t stopped allowing it to hurt me. My therapist and I were talking and the way you know you have strong boundaries and limits in a relationship to a person you are close to is when you no longer feel bothered by their antics. And that means not even trying to not care, it just comes naturally. I am not there yet. I think it’s hard to even wrap my brain around the concept bc she’s my identical twin, we lived just the two of us as orphans, were adopted after and went through traumas that were ugly and scary, and now she is engaged and I am living at home so we are beginning to separate. When we have these disputes it hurts that much harder bc of how she behaves as mentioned in first post. I dont want to lose her and that’s exactly what’s happening. And I can’t stop it. So idk what to do or whether to keep fighting…
I’m glad you were starting to feel better after sticking up for yourself; that can be so hard when it’s perceived as a confrontation.
Perhaps recasting how this is playing out would help? Instead of seeing it as fighting, you guys are figuring out how to lead separate lives and you are forging your own path. There may be some friction as you embark on your journey, but that’s natural in any changing relationship!
Thanks Jules. I didn’t need a response, but I sense a geuine caring soul, in that you did.
To change the subject, are you far enough North to expect a white Christmas? We are all blue sky and sunshine, down here, have just begun 6 weeks of school holidays, and fired up the bbqs.
Merry Christmas to you too.(White or otherwise)