Hurting people you care about

Emotional Support
1

Hey, Alex here.

I have had alcohol problems since I was quite young, and as much as I have made lots of progress, there’s still certain parts of me which struggle with alcohol.

The main one is keeping my emotions stable.

I lashed out and said tonnes of drunken hateful things to my partner, and her family and their friends. I can see I’ve hurt them all, deeply.
I feel terrible for what I have done, does anyone have any tips, or suggestions on how I can make this right again?

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I can see how much you regret this. I think anyone would, in your shoes.

My advice is two things:

  • Hang out here on Talking Sober and read some of the wisdom from threads and people that are focused on sustained recovery. You will notice patterns. It will challenge you to take responsibility. It will seem foreign, because addiction is a selfishness and chaos, and recovery is about participation and order. It will be the exact opposite of what your habits tell you to do. You will not want to do it. Still, do it.
  • Find a recovery program and join it: Resources for our recovery has many, and if you search addiction recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART Recovery, etc etc online you will find lots of free meetings. There are also thousands of online meetings. You are never far from a meeting, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and at these meetings you will find people who understand and programs that work (if you do the work).

You have hurt people close to you and there is nothing you can say to make it better. Getting sober - in a sustained way, through meaningful change and participation in recovery communities - is the action which will change your life, and therefore also the relationships you have with others.

This is about making yourself right for yourself. It’s not about other people (even though it may feel that way).

Take it one step at a time, keep an open mind, and stay focused. Reach out to people here on Talking Sober and read up and try new things, and find a recovery community or group to join. Resist the urge to run to your addiction and instead, reach out to people in your recovery circle. Call them. Text them. Anytime.

You’ve ripped the fabric of your relationships. Addiction is destruction. Recovery - sustained recovery and growth - is about learning to weave. You need to learn to weave (through recovery), and stop being destructive (in addiction).

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I recommend going to AA, getting a sponsor and working the steps. Making amends comes in at steps 8 and 9 but working them in order is very important. Wishing you the best on your journey.

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First and foremost focus on your sobriety so this does happen anymore…

As far as making amends you will need to read the tea leaves about how and even if an apology will be accepted. There is no easy answer to that one…

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Maybe make a effort to sort your problem out maybe a meeting might help .will show others that your trying to get help wish you well

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the main thing is to keep trying to fix this problem off, don’t give up and enjoy your sobriety to start a new chapter with your life and family… Wish all the best

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The best way to fix those relationships is sustained sobriety. You can’t say anything to take away what has happened but you can show them that it won’t happen again.

But it takes time.

Like @Lisa07 says, working the steps in AA will get you to the step of making amends but it is important to know that those steps are after you do a lot of work on yourself. We want to apologize right off the bat but it isn’t time for that yet. You NEED to focus on you at first.

YOU CAN DO IT.

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A plan to get and stay sober. I’m glad you checked in. This community is a great place to start your sober journey.

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