Ive been sober for just over 10 months and am feeling so much better. My husband has recently tried to cut down after I spoke to him about how drunk he was getting. We were out today and he had 2 pints of beer. He said he wouldn’t drink at home. I suspected he had another beer at home but he denied it. Then I found the empty tin. Hes apologised and said he admits he has a problem. Im so hurt he lied to me. He doesn’t want to give up as he thinks he can cut down. I want him to give up as i don’t believe moderation works. Ive told him he has to decide what to do for himself I can’t tell him what to do. Im so hurt and angry, but also feel like a hypocrite because im an alcoholic and I should have more compassion for him. I love him and when he is sober he is a great dad and husband. I just need him to stop.
Love him. He has to find his way for his own reasons. I’m sorry you are hurt.
Very wise words, which i needed to hear. Thank you.
It is okay to feel how you are feeling, and even better to also have empathy for what he is going through, which you seem to do. I imagine he would appreciate hearing from you that you’re there for him as a support and he need only ask you for help as he navigates his own journey. It’s his to travel but you can be there alongside him and he may need to hear that from you.
Thank you. Ive just told him that this morning. We are moving forwards now. He knows im hurt but also that the biggest poison in all of this is alcohol. I’ve told him i am here for him. I am so grateful to you and to this community for such wise advice.
I am so glad to hear it. The more that is out in the open and spoken about honestly the less he will feel the need to hide. It could be a good time to talk about boundaries soon - you could want a boundary regarding protecting your sobriety in this situation, if that makes sense.
Answered your own question.
He didn’t lie to you as much as his addiction did. His addiction is his own monster that he has to defeat. My wife told me the only time she ever considered leaving me was because of lying about my drinking. I didn’t have control back then, my brain was hijacked, held hostage by alcoholism. I’m sure if i had continued to drink she’d eventually would have left me but that isn’t why i quit… I quit for me. My favorite part of sobriety is no more lying 
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I hope your husband quits for himself and you benefit from his decision. Best wishes to you.
Are you affected by a loved one who is an addict?
Think you can find some more community here.