Hello. I’d like to share the thing that keeps me awake at night and agitated during the day. I’ve been clean and sober for 2 months and 5 days now. I’ve decided to end all my past relationships with women and active addicts. However now sexual attraction is so strong almost every girl seems as perfection. I know it is my disease that is talking and making me horny af. Psychologists recommend to wait at least 1 year before starting a relationship. This seems soooo long(( please share if anyone was able to overcome this issue.
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Out of respect for females. I wanted to get my shit together before I brought anyone into my life. They said wait a year…I waited 2 years. For a "RELATIONSHIP "
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Fair play mate. Awesome you’ve made it. Any advice on how you did it?
Ending relationships with women who are addicts or all women in general?
Addicts. However therapists recommendation is to keep my distance from all women.
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Therapist probably knows better. I know i am very high libido, wife is very low. My therapist advised I need to get my shit together before making a decision to end my marriage - we have lots of issues besides sex drives. I don’t recall a time frame for relationships but he did mention to take everything slooooooow. Existing relationships are ok in his eyes as long as they are not toxic or can sway my judgement.
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I actually envy you.
This has been me every single day for the past 40+ years.
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Is it a physical reaction or emotional?
If emotional it could be just a “forbidden fruit” reaction.
But if you are physically more sensitive to stimuli then I wonder if that might be just a clean/detoxing thing. In my early months I felt like I was much more sensitive to stimuli. Maybe because I was clearing the alcohol fog from my body. I don’t know. But at 10 months…it’s gone away again.
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I guess SOBRIETY to me is more important than anything else. So after 20 years of trying to get and stay Sober. I finally worked all the steps and took all the suggestions that were given. Going on 8 years in January. Good luck brotha
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It is both for me. Stimuli is heightened plus forbidden fruit syndrome) thankfully MPM rule helps a lot for now.
Wow, im total opposite. My drive has just completely turned off. I dont even find the attractivness in people either. Im just like “MEH”
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I’m going to get real with this now. Since my addiction to PMO has a lot in common to alcoholism.
So in my case, I would handle this the same way as with other addictions, with Positive Healthy Coping Strategies.
It’s not uncommon for an addict to switch to another coping strategy when giving up his primary. So instead of entertaining lust and sexual attraction, perhaps a better direction would be to build healthy friendships, practice good hygiene and self care, exercise, and developing hobbies.
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So when I first got sober, the so called “void” that I used to fill with drugs and alcohol. I was now filling with sex. So I tried the whole sex thing with one person and then multiple people, and I ended up feeling more alone than ever at the end of the day. Sure I felt good for “that moment” but shortly after, I was alone again. At the end of the day, I ended up catching feelings for one of my f$&@ buddies, and they did not feel the same for me. So I ended up getting hurt in other words. At that point I decided that I was going to work on myself for awhile, and keep to myself lol. If the so called urge got that bad, it was handled alone lol. Sorry not trying to be weird, just letting you know it’s possible to get past filling the void with outside things. And then eventually, wasn’t quite a year, but I ended up reconnecting with an old friend on Facebook and we began dating. After years of dating, we’re married today. Now, this relationship just so happened to work out. It doesn’t say that all relationships do.
Because in the past, when I was trying to get sober, I’d get in a relationship with the next best thing and I’d get hurt at the end of the day. It never worked out because I was still dating people that were not good for me because hell, that’s what I always did. But by taking a step back, figuring out what I actually liked, even general things, I ended up in a healthy relationship. And by the way, a different time, I jumped in to a not so healthy relationship, and I ended up relapsing over it. I didn’t take the time to learn healthy coping skills to deal with anything…
So I would recommend to wait, work on yourself, and figure out what you really want in someone. Figure out what you can actually give to someone ya know. Figure out things you actually like and don’t like. I didn’t know when I first got sober because I did everything fucked up. Sober was a whole new thing for me. I had to learn to cope with everyday life, sober. It was a whole new experience…
And yes, there were times I was lonely and wanted to share my happiness with, but I ended up just hitting meetings and making friends and hanging with them. I also had a sponsor and started working the 12 steps to learn how to get past that “void” on the inside.
So I hope this helps ya man. Sorry so long, but there wasn’t a one word answer for me lol.
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