So I sort of came to a realization today. Haven’t quite processed it fully yet… im still sort of thinking about what this all means. But on FB there was a free webinar (if that’s what it’s called) on relationships and communication from this expert coach (of course after the hour was over they introduced a cost for future sessions which I didnt do but I learned alot anyway). It went thru a few thinfs… me and hubbies “fighting” styles, what they mean and what it is we are really needing, the 7 love skills about relationships, what stage of our relationship we have been stuck in etc. I just realized that I am not as great at relationships as I thought haha (who would’ve thought). I have complained about my relationship in a sense with hubby on this forum and even tho I knew I also had a roll to play, I didnt really realize how deep it went lol So basically I am very independent woman and very emotional when expressing myself yet also very emotionally unattached in the sense of not including him in all decisions, fearful of expressing what’s on my mind due to rejection etc. I’m blown away honestly. So basically the idea is to learn to connect 1st, then communicate. When we connect and allow ourselves to feel safe with our partner, we automatically want to listen and to be kind. The issue with me and hubby is that our connection began lacking and we argue and we blame and we end up using our “fighting” skills to try and get our points across. So the idea is to build that connection up daily. That way, when an argument happens, we both are starting from a place of connection (that has been built already overtime), which hopefully result in better communication in that moment. Basically if our batteries are full of connection, we respond better to one another, instead of us both being on empty. The coach recommended a daily activity called The Appreciation Journal. Your supposed to get a notepad and leave it in the bathroom and everytime u go in, u write something about ur partner that u appreciate. Ur partner (who will need to use the bathroom) will see the book, be curious, and then read the kind things u wrote. That should hopefully encourage them to so the same. Anyway, I decided that I will text my hubby every morning something new that I appreciate him for. I just sent him an appteciation text and he replied with “I’m lost” lmao. So he called me and I told him again what I wrote and how much I appreciate him. I basically told him that I think of him often and I have these thoughts in my head about how much I love him and how much I really do appreciate him, yet they have only remained in my head and I want to start expressing how I feel and being more open with him. His tone and demenour seemed to change over the phone and he told me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated me. I think instead of me telling him that I need to be shown appreciation and that I want to be complimented etc, I need to lead by example. I need to do the same for him. So ya… eye opening experience here 
Thanks for reading my loooonnng post haha
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“The issue with me and hubby is that our connection began lacking and we argue and we blame and we end up using our “fighting” skills to try and get our points across.”
Great point! Make me think of my own relationship and using “loving” skills to get my point across.
Thank you for this.
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It really opened my eyes on how I treat my hubby sometimes and just how I am not as emotionally available ad I really thot I am. Im glad u also got something out of this. I posted it bcuz I know relationship stuff can be a struggle when we quit our addictions.
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