Just like clockwork, whenever I think I may have done irreversible damage to my health, I decide to go sober for the 1000th time and come post my guilt and anxiety here. I’m so embarrassed and disappointed with myself. That is, until the symptoms go away and I’m right back to drinking. I’m feeling pretty terrible about myself atm 
I can’t seem to make sobriety stick
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How bad was it this time? You can get off the hamster wheel at any time. But you are going to have to work for it.
Sobriety doesn’t just stick without work. What have you done previously to stay sober? What can you do differently this time?
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If nothing changes nothing changes. If you want it then you can have it. Do whatever it takes not to drink.
I knew and know that if I kept drinking eventually I would pass the point of no return from a health standpoint. I would die. My blood tests eventually went back down to the normal range after I stopped this time. One day if I start back again they may not return to normal. I would then regret that I could have saved my life had I just stayed sober.
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Welcome back @Try2change.
Would love to know what you’ve learned over the course of these last 2 years since you’ve been a member of TS.
There is no such thing as microwave recovery and it will never just go away. Are you understanding of step 1? Going to meetings? Have a sponsor? I struggled with it for years but I was willing to surrender. In step 1 you surrender to the problem but step 2-12 you surrender to the solution. We have never seen a person relapse that works the program. Gotta do something different because your way isn’t working. I say all this with love because we do recover!!!
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Make time 1001 the one that counts. Also, @Ryoungin68 has some good insight. May be worth investigating.
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Whether you crawl, walk, or run back here, all that matters is you come back.
Better yet, try not leaving. Make a personal goal to check in daily for a year, and see what happens. Maybe not Angel’s singing and clouds parting, but I bet you will have a demonstrably better go at sobriety. Just saying.
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I like that.
Simple, yet effective. 
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I definitely know that moderation isn’t a possibility for me now. I’ve had really long periods of sobriety but my little slip ups turn into big downward spirals. I know what I have to do to get my shit together. If I really want to be sober the I have to actively work at it.
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That’s a great idea! I’m going to try that!
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