I am recovering from alcohol coming up for 4 mths dry, and my 34 yr old son is addicted to weed, he is constantly needing money for his habit and comes to me as I am the only one who can help him. He has his head in the sand and in denial that the weed is harming him and yet he has no life now except being a gamer and smoking weed, he used to be so outgoing with lots of friends now he is alone in his house and has a phobia to go outside. He tried suicide around a 1 yr ago and I am terrified he will try again so I give in to his plees for more money, This is really making my mental health bad I feel like picking up a drink at times because I really don’t know how to help him.
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Hi Linda, welcome back 
That is so hard. It’s heartbreaking to see someone you love sinking deeper into addiction. It sounds like you feel trapped, too: you feel like you have to get him his drug, but at the same time you know his addiction is killing him. It’s like choosing death by a thousand cuts: every day in addiction is one step closer to death.
I’ll be direct: what you are doing is codependent behaviour, and it is a big part of the problem. Your power is to choose to stop that codependent behaviour, and replace it with different, more helpful behaviours. That is in your power, and you have to decide what you will do next: will you take action?
Your son’s choices and his life are not within your power. Trying to live his life for him and make his choices for him is a big problem for you (and for him). It isn’t possible - his choices are his choices - and it is distracting you from your own power: freeing yourself (and your son) from codependency.
Have you looked into a Co-dependents Anonymous meeting? They have many online meetings (the link below is a list of their online meetings), and if you go to the menu at this link and tap “Meetings”, you will find they have a list of in-person meetings too. Try visiting a meeting. There are people at these meetings who understand, completely, what you’re going through, and they will be able to help:
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Have to have boundries saying no is apart of it , his choice but you can suggest that there are places he can get help as Matt has listed wish you well and him
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I was a pot addict for a long time and see and feel so so similar to your son
When i was in your sons place i needed communication and theropy and a aa meeting
Na also but na is hard to get motavated for because of the the stupid phrase " its only pot not crack"
Highley suggest aa
Tell him you love him lots. Quitting weed with mental illness is so.so painful. His suicide attemt tells me there is something going on with him and pot could be self medicating.
Be very patint yet ferm
I started steeling when i was denied money for my pot addiction. I did things to.my dad that were pontless to get money out of him
like can inhave 10$ and a ride into.town, id get a no to.the money but a yes to the ride and in the car that i.minipulated him tonget into with me id ask.for.money till a argument started then when.i.accepted.it i.didnt want to.go.into town right at thenlast second
You definitely have your hands ful
Pot is painful.to quit
Be pationt
Aa
Eventually youll have to cut him off on money
Maybe after a few.aa meetings
Good.luck friend
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I want to Thank you for getting back to me, he defo does manipulate and lies, but I can see through the lies, he has a phobia now about going out, he is in so much debt, I am trying to help him manage money better but he is not doing anything to cut down on weed, he would rather not eat or not pay bills he doesnt have the mindset of trying to help himself and keeps calling all this an illness yet I know he is suffering but his life would be so much better without weed, I know it would take time though but what gets to me is he doesnt see that the weed is the problem, he says weed keeps him calm, if I get annoyed he just sits in self pity and his mental health starts up with depression and anxiety, Hiw did you feel when you went to NA did it help at all?
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Na was a lot harder to understand AT FIRST
AA was softer for my ears
Afted i accepted i had a issue NA was cool with me
It might just be tough to hear what people in NA say if your extremely new to sobriety. He might start saying, " its only weed" while others talk about addiction to hard drugs
Mental illness is really tough
Try to understand that it is very real
Weed is a good med for anxiety
But there are also different meds
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