My name is Rona, and I’ve been struggling with alcohol on and off since I was a teenager. I’m 25 now, and it’s increasingly just gotten worse. I’ve faced alot of legal trouble because of my actions while intoxicated. I recently just got caught by my fiance hiding my drinking. I see it broke his heart because like he says I’m just “killing myself” and he’s right. I mix alcohol with any prescription meds I can get my hands on. When I drink I just get to this magical place and everything is ohkay for awhile (then I eventually drink too much and don’t even know who I am). I don’t know why I can’t stop. I’m seeking professional help, but that’s only as effective as I let it be. I really really want to quit drinking but at the same time I don’t. I don’t know why. I’m very lost and confused. Sometimes I drink to ease my symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, but honestly my biggest trigger for drinking is boredom. It sounds so simple and stupid, and I don’t know why I can’t just fill my boredom with a hobby- my mind just directly goes to drinking. Today is my first day sober, but it’s only 730 am where I’m at. I know once this afternoon hits I’m going to get cravings and I feel like I’m going to submit to them. But I don’t want to. I need help. I need people who get it and have been where I am please. I don’t want this to be my life. Alcohol is slowly ripping my life apart. It’s causing legal, and relationship issues with everybody in my life. It’s just ruining everything, and I don’t know how to replace the feeling it gives me. I’m sorry if this just seems like a jumbled rant- I am just trying and need help.
First off, your are very brave you even wanting to take the step to change your lifestyle. I am on day 2 of being sober. I downloaded a sober app that counts how much money i save and how much time i am getting back in my life. I use to drink our of boredom, especially if i had plans and those plans didnt go through. I use to drink because i was lonely. It took a long time to admit the reason i was drinking is because i wasnt taking care of myself or lookin out for my own happiness. Is there something in your life you are unhappy with ?
Welcome! I too have bipolar and would drink to solve boredom and lonliness. Finding this forum has been amazing for me. You are not alone. The first two weeks of stopping are the hardest but it is soooo worth it. Come here when you crave and post about it rather than picking up! Set a small, more manageable goal, make up your mind not to drink today. When that addict voice in your head starts trying to make excuses or rationalizing picking up that first drink tell it to fuck off. I have hope for you. Youve made a great step for identifying the desire to quit.
Make a plan. It sounds like you abticipate to be triggered after work today. Think of some things you can do to curb your boredom, a hobby, coming and posting and reading here, binge a favorite show, hot shower, nice dinner, etc ANYTHING but giving into that addict voice.
Thank you so much for reaching out. 2 days is amazing and you are on the right path, if nobody has told you I am proud of you. I know how hard that is. I’m glad you asked the question it made me think for a second. My life is honestly wonderful and very blessed which makes me feel that much guiltily for needing to drink. I think I’m unhappy with myself and where I am in life honestly. I just invisioned myself being so much further with school, work, and financially . But alot of my life has been put on pause to deal with my mental health. I have a hard time accepting who I am I guess. I say I love myself but Idk if I really mean that.
Thank you for the recommendation
Thank you so much for reaching out. I will try my hardest today. I appreciate your suggestions and will try them out for sure. I feel like my biggest problem is I have no willpower. When that addict voice comes into my head I entertain it and feel like I’m not able to tell it to fuck off.
I was the same. The willpower comes with time. You dont have to subscribe to AA but those zoom meetings were a nice distraction being surrounded by people who were struggling with the same thing! You dont have to share or turn on your camera, just listen.
Im personally inviting you to my favorite meeting for beginners :
https://www.aabeginnerspath.com
I hope to see you there at 8pm cst
Mental health is a tricky thing to deal with, especially in a society that ia conditioned to give impulsive generalized advice. I have struggled with mental health my whole life. Didnt know anything was going on with me until my teens with the doctor were trying to figure out what was going on. They said i had high anxiety at first l, then it was coupled with depression. One doctor insisted i had adhd and then othera thought i had bi polar. Back in march i decided to take charge of my Mental health and i didnt stop until i found a therapist who took me seriously. I have borderline personality disorder and the past 4 months have been like opening pandora’s box. There’s alot morw going on than we sometimes know. What kind of things made you happy ?(before you started drinking)
That’s normal. It’s not possible to do this alone. We all need help from people who know the recovery journey and have walked the path to sobriety.
Addiction, alcohol, drugs, bring zero benefits. They all do. Even in so-called “moderation” or “control” they bring zero helpful benefits. We might think they bring benefits, but that’s just the addict mind lying to us. It’s tempting to listen to the lie - but when we “play the tape” / “play the track” through to the end, we know where it ends. It’s always bad; it’s never good. Even the “good” times aren’t really good, they’re just numb. We numb ourselves with our addictions. Why not work on being human and moving forward, instead of running into numbness? What’s the appeal of numbness?
Welcome Rona 
What are your goals? What do you want? If you think about those and get clear about who you want to be and what you want to be doing, it will help you.
Welcome Rona, you are amongst friends and we do get the feelings, cravings and the wreckage that comes with this disease.
When we’re done, we’re done. Meetings with like minded people (and rehab) reinforced and continue to show me that it wasn’t hopeless. Unless I changed my approach on a lot of things in my self and life I would have kept doing the same ol.
Asking for help is where it starts, being willing to do anything it takes to live free and accepting that once we have the disease it’s not going anywhere is important.
Simple steps done daily and repeated is how I have been able to live free from its grasp. This app is one of those steps.
We don’t need or have to ever drink again. The hard part is eliminating the want, and it takes hard work. Hugs & stick around please.
Welcome Rona 
glad ur here. Alcoholism and addiction is very sneaky. I also was confused in the beginning bcuz as much as drugs have destroyed my life and everything in it for so long, it was something I guess I could rely on to relieve my stress, boredom, pain, etc… or so I thought. I did grieve when i quit drugs bcuz drugs was a huge part of my life (just like it sounds like alcohol has been for u). Its natural to be confused when we are wanting to remove something that has been apart of our lives. BUT what I had to realize was all of those thoughts about how I need it etc was lie! That addictive voice in our heads saying that we need it and that we can’t cope without it, is a lie. I have discovered that my mind will lie to me all the time. It will try to convince me to use to relieve my stress, even tho it IS the cause of my stress. We have to challenge that thinking… those lies that our mind tells us. This group is amazing. There is alot of support here. People who have wonderful suggestions. My biggest piece of advice right now is to talk about ur cravings before u pick up. Let us help u thru the cravings wishing u all the best on ur recovery journey!
Wow, bpd is rough. I’m glad your able to seek help and actually got it and have a therapist that listens to you. Mental health issues suck. I hate it so much. Like I just want to be normal whatever that is. Some days I see people doing just very basic tasks and I always ask myself why can’t I just do that. Why does my brain make life so hard. You are asking good questions. Thank you. I think school was something I really was able to throw myself into . It was kinda my coping mechanism my whole life. I like dance, I used to travel alot. I was always taking weekend trips.
Thank you so much. I think I might actually go.
I think you are ready for rehab, you want to quit but you don’t know how, they will help you with that. If you don’t want to commit to inpatient there are outpatient options too.
You can’t change the past, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. Sobriety is a one day at a time challenge. Just take it one day at a time. Take responsibility for the past and leave it there. Do your best not to fall into the self-pity/shame trap. Look forward.
Do you have any advice on how to take it one day at a time? That’s something I really struggle with. It’s like my mind won’t let me focus on just today.
It takes practice!
Thank you so much for reaching out. You have alot of solid advice and gave me alot of things I need to think about
Welcome! This is a great first step
This is true for all of us at some time or another. For me, I came here…lived here…found a recovery program.
Everything that worked for me had 1 thing in common…other people…more specifically…other alcoholics and addicts.
If you are having trouble, we are here to help. There are so many recovery programs…find one that fits you. AA, SMART, Recovery Dharma…just to name a few.
I love dancing! So much fun! I went to a concert back in may and my whole body was sore because i danced for like 3 or 4 hours straight! I feel ya on the not feeling normal. I always wondered why everyone could handle things more calmy or not get upset or angry like i do but thats part of having cluster b personality disorder. Therapy has helped tremendously. What were you going to school for ?