Nothing to be sorry for, nobody hates you. Hell if a relapse made people in the recovery community hate you, I’d be the most hated mfer around.
You’ll get your reality back, alcohol can make you think crazy stuff especially if mixed with other intoxicants or used very heavily for a long period of time. You may have heard the terms “wet brain” or “seeing pink elephants”.
Honestly, professional care can only help. If you’re thinking it, maybe look into it. Are you in the states? Many states have state funded rehabs you can go to regardless of your ability to pay. Your health department might be able to point you in the right direction. I mention it because even my state (usually dead last in all metrics used to measure a states health and success) has a couple great rehab places that will take you in with no insurance/ no money. It won’t show up on the first several pages of a google search, I had to find out about it word of mouth (and it was right down the road).
Relax, let yourself detox and heal for a while. Keep coming back here, we’d rather you come back and talk to us than disappear.
I will keep coming here. Also I will attend meetings. This place really helps. Feeling better now. Its 3 am here and I just think about what happened. I am in İstanbul Türkiye.
Yes you are right. I dont take it as a negative comment. I know its bad for me of course but here the addiction shows itself. Something happens and your mind convinces you. Can you people believe that I dont remember writing here last night. In the morning I saw it. Horrible. I will keep saying it. Alcohol is not for me. And I am an alcoholic. But i am recovering.
Maybe a better question to ask:
What are you willing to do, to make those tricks stop?
Maybe an even better question:
What are you not willing to do, to make those tricks stop?
Are you (un)willing to:
call sober contacts every day?
be completely honest with yourself and with another human being in a program of recovery? (It can’t just be any human because unless someone is in a recovery program or at least aware of recovery best practices they won’t know how to help)
eliminate social contacts and places that romanticize drinking for you and make you think one drink wouldn’t be so bad?
etc
What are you willing to do to make this work? How bad do you want this?
Yeah accepting it is hard. That’s one of the main hang ups for myself. You’ve accepted it? Ok. good, that’s step 1. How seriously have you decided though? Don’t try your best… Do BETTER than that. You are capable.
Obviously it’s poison for you. Same for me, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, right there where you are right now, so many times. I guess my earlier comment wasn’t relevant, I’ve seen that you are in Istanbul? Sorry I thought maybe you were in the states. But regardless, alcohol cares for neither your latitude nor longitude. I’ve found it easier to deal with it when I think of it as less some monster I must fight, and more some shackle I must loosen and leave behind. You don’t HAVE to have alcohol to deal with the things. There are healthy ways that are MORE effective if you utilize them. Groups, peers, meditation… help much more and are actual lasting, sustainable measures you can use.
You’re never hated, please keep coming back and keep working on it. You’re worth it, if nothing else, I know a trick. It’s goofy as hell. It works. Go make the saddest crying face you can in the mirror. Then smile the biggest fake goofy grin smile you can and hold it for 5 minutes, staring at yourself in the mirror. It tricks your brain into laughing. You will feel better. Another, wrap your arms around yourself like a hug and squeeze tight, it tricks your brain into thinking you’re being hugged. Same thing, it will make you feel calmer and more peaceful, like you’re getting a real hug. And you can just consider it a real hug from us, because any one of us would do same for you. So give yourself a real big hug, grin as hard as you can into a mirror, drink some water and chill out for a day. You’ll be ok.
Get back in touch with us tomorrow. Keep checking in. We’re here for you.
I’m glad to hear it. The first few days are the worst. You will only start feeling better and better. You may have days where the emotions see-saw up and down, that’s ok, it’s normal and will pass. So don’t get discouraged. Sunlight and moving around may be the last thing you want but it WILL help sooo much if you get out, go for a walk, go home get a long cool (cold helps more than hot when coming off booze) shower and eat a good meal. Get in a clean bed with a good book, that’s perfect.
Don’t stress about things. 90% of our problems, we blow way out of proportion. You’re wanted and valued here. So keep checking in with us. You do not have to be perfect to earn your spot. You’re alive, you matter. Everyone, even people who are not addicts or alcoholics, make mistakes and have regrets. That’s just life. You are not worth “less” just because you have an addiction. In fact, if you turn this around and make the most of it, you will be capable of helping others who are struggling. That is a great thing. So stiffen your upper lip, set your jaw, and tell yourself you’re ok, you’re getting better, and you’re going to change this.
I’m glad!! You are still here. Reaching out and sharing. Stick close. There are also other resources out there. I’m pretty sure 99% of us have been where you are today. Sending strength your way!
First of all, I can gaurantee you that no one here hates you. We’re all here to support one another…no judgement. Just remember that sobriety is a JOURNEY. Like any other literal journey, you will experience rough roads from time to time. You just have to climb back on that horse and continue on. It’s going to be OK, and this journey will get easier with time. Hang in there.
I’ve changed the figure of tinkerbell. I am not a fairy or an angel. I am a real person with scars and mistakes. My baby girl is a better option for a pp. No self pity. Keep going.
I want to share my ex boyfriend and my baby girl with you. 14 years of relationship is like marriage I guess. As I said I ve lost my other half. But he left me. He was a heavy heavy heavy alcoholic. Matbe we have spent those years drunk not knowing we are not soulmates. I also left my friends before quitting alcohol. Then the process beginned. They are alcoholics too. I think my real loss is my baby girl Odie. I will never see them again. This hurts. I hope I will meet better people. Being lonely in a huge city is terrifying. I will miss them thats ok but I am sure we are not on the same journey anymore…
Babygirl - your beautiful inside & out . I had 17 years until this fall - moved. Blah, blah everyone drinking 55 up area & I took the one, then more often… then the warning came back - is it almost late afternoon I’m stressed : pain? I knew trouble 4 me - tried alone -failed myself Well went back to AA again as couldn’t get out of my mind wine time ! 36 days was stressed , out with family don’t see and away & said yes- drank glasses of wine - next day I cried & hated myself for not being able to “trust” myself -
Same as you said A failure ! Esp did 17 yrs just pass 30 days now ? Yikes….It’s NOT. Damn devil you did 30 , it’s a journey!
Pls move forward & next week I promise this guilt will be gone esp if you go to a meeting? Meetings Only a dollar or two if therapy not at hand or expensive-
meetings In persons don’t have to talk & I enjoy them- think you might to & get empowered- seem outgoing like me - Just take what works & leave what doesn’t for an hour ! 17 sober years I got amnesia of ok I’m grown up now - lies to myself! - as others said it’s an allergy- like strawberries who knew what would be the one berry too much . But life is amazing sober ! My kids never knew me to drink and said you always laughed mom ! Yikes - poison in a bottle - you go girl & therapy or go to open AA and just watch ! Forget guilt you care to win why posting here - use time & make a plan - meetings fyi are Very empowering & I got sober without sponsor but the “energy battery” of in person meeting - reading lots about me & changing my mindset & this addiction
everyone different but I Hope try just Aa once ! you Have Guts not Guilt / keep going ! You are worth love - Sobriety not Amazon - no 3 day fix - forgive yourself your here!!! That’s huge
@Tinkerbell nobody hates you here. We understand how hard it is. You have realized the dark side of addiction.
There is a way out and we can’t escape alone
