Relapsed again. How can it be so hard I dont understand. I cant believe I relapsed again. I hate myself. I will see my doctor my shrink. He is also an addiction specialist. I am also taking pills. Thats because last year I had a massive depression. I cant believe this happened. Is it so difficult to not to drink. Here I really hate myself. The only thing I can do is start again. Right now. I also found a meeting luckily its at the mental hospital where my doctor is. I think I really think I am a horrible person. I am ashamed of myself. I hate myself. Day one again. I cant believe this.
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Youāve disappointed yourself, and it shows. But no need to go down the self hatred path, itās as much a lie as the booze is. You deserve a sober life. Things are going to be ok. You will rise again. I believe in you.
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I am so ashamed.
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Tinkerbell,
Its easy to fall the harder part is pulling yourself back up. You have done that, bow just for today do the right thing for your recovery and stay honest, connected and sober
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Tinkerbell, where you at sweetheart? Are you still with us 
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Remember, no one hates you here. Itās okay to relapse, itās a par of early recovery. If you feel like you need to find a help, please find it - I believe it will help you. Weāre here for you.
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@Tinkerbell how are you doing? Shame is a bad feeling for recovery. Nobody changes out of shame. We love you here, no matter what
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Election was horrible. They won. And I relapsed. We are losing our country. I did not drink much. I stopped myself. I was ashamed of telling this to you but I miss you. And here I am its day 2 
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Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 46-47 explains this very well.
ā¦ For most of us, self-justification was the maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking, and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We had made the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink because times were good or times were hard. We had to drink because at home we were smothered with love or got none at all. We had to drink because at work we were great successes or dismal failures. We had to drink because our nation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went, ad infinitum.
We thought āconditionsā drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldnāt to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us that we had to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.
The poundingly repetitive list of excuses - we had to drink, we had to drink, we had to drink, we had to drink, finally drove home for me the reality that I was compelled to drink, in all situations. And that last sentence! Oh my god, I never before sobriety considered that I was what needed to change, not the world.
You have shown us what happens when we refuse to change ourselves and adapt to conditions as they are. It sucks for you, it truly does. By doing this, however, you have let me know that I will pay the penalty for not seeking serenity first.
I pray for blessings on you so that you can see for yourself the beauty there is in living in our spiritual response to the situations of the temporal world.
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I could not understand what you mean maybe this is because I am not a native English speaker. Can you make it clear?
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I think what @SinceIAwoke is trying to say is that thereās always going to be some outside influences affecting us. Thatās just life. Whether itās an election, natural disaster, some tragic news story, fights with familyā¦ Itās easy to look around or at the tv and say āFuck it, Iām gonna drink.ā The challenge is handling what life throws at us without drinking. Thatās the hard part.
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FĆ¼sun, Iām glad you came back 
As others have said here, there are going to be a million and one reasons to drink. Iām very sorry to hear the election didnāt go as youād hoped. I am. But youāre going to have to want to change how you respond to the emotions you have to handle on a day to day basis. Face them head on. And if you find yourself unable to deal with the raw emotion that comes, then reach out to people! Like your life depends on it. Scratch that, your life does depend on it. Your dependency on alcohol as an emotional crutch is shaving years off your life. Itās exposing you to all kinds of health problems.
FĆ¼nsun, at least commit to this: Let us try to help you before you pick up the bottle again. Tell us what youāre feeling. Thereās always someone on here that can respond to you quickly enough.
You NEED to want change to make this work. We are here for you, as always
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When you drink, it teaches me something about sobriety. I learn about how to stay sober from people who also stay sober, and from people who do not.
You drank because you were discouraged and deeply upset by the political climate. My sober friend did not drink when his 25 year old daughter overdosed on heroin and died 10 days ago. He took his unimaginable pain and turned his attention to helping his wife and his surviving children get through the first days.
The ability to accept conditions as real was something I lacked. But by seeing others go through heartbreak and losing jobs and illness and death and stay sober, I learned I could do it. And watching people relapse in the same circumstances, I learned too about what happens when I do not accept reality.
I hope that is more plain for you. Everyone in recovery carries a message about sobriety. Some messages are how to stay sober and some messages are how to get drunk. Both are valuable.
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I am deeply sorry for your friend. Its clear that I am not that strong. And I am trying. Thank you. Also I am not proud of relapsing at all.
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Its about finding another way to deal with struggles that dont involve drinking, its what we all have to do to stay sober, drinking is not the answer
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My friend credits his ability to be present to the program of AA, where we both got sober.
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Iām glad youāre here, with us all. Weāre all humans and weāre all human and none of us is perfect. We stumble, we fall, and we get up again. Thereās so much out of our control but staying sober is not and not staying sober isnāt either. Being sober or not is a choice we can make. Erdogan will fall at some point whether you drink or not.
Again, Iām glad youāre here. Weāre in this together. All of us. You drank but you stopped yourself and now youāre sober again. Life goes on. Weāre alive and we can fight another day. Together. Thanks for sharing and thanks for being here friend. Youāre not alone.
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Thank you. I hope he will.
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Ok I did not want to write anything. Then I could not stand. I dont know what is the reason of this anger. I have shared my situation here not because I want to be supported about my relapse. I just told it. I am here to tell my story and also to listen other peoples stories and help them if I can. I am here to be kind. I wish I did not share my relapse. I am not here to be judged. I dont judge anyone. This is not kind this is not love. I dont go to meetings. I dont want to. There are religious things in meetings. Also I dont want to meet other alcoholics face to face. So sorry. But I wont use this sorrow as a reason for drinking. I will stay sober. Because I dont make excuses. I am an alcoholic. Love to all.
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May I ask you why? Or do you mean drunk ones?
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