Hi Bran, welcome to Talking Sober 
You are not alone - the “alcohol illusion” (of confidence) has trapped many people before you. Good for you for recognizing the problem and taking action 
For me, learning from wise people before me has been helpful. I have learned a lot from the members of my addiction recovery group. There’s a list of groups here: Resources for our recovery. There’s also many good podcasts and books.
Don’t give up. It is possible to get free from these chains.