This is stupid. My brains being stupid. You ever been to a social gathering that has food? Maybe you take one of Diane’s cheese cake cups and think “hot damn i could eat a dozen of those!” You plan to come back but when you do their all gone. The last time i stopped i purposely went out with a bang. It was intentional because i know how my brain works and it’ll eat at me if i didn’t. I really only went back because i needed to stay awake to study and thats why i started in the first place and i needed one crazy push. Ended up being awake for 4 days. Accomplished nothing because by that point i was already burnt. So i kept trying to dig my way out of being burnt. Impossible. I actually need an in life break and no substance can equate that. So i decided to stop but i did not go out with a bang. I picked a time and said id be done everything by this time and i did. Now im sitting here, i dont have intense cravings. I have “what if” weighing on me. Like i cheated myself and id honestly rather be craving something because that’s something I can rationalize and fight. Im having trouble shaking my neurotic nature. The back of my brain keeps telling me i did it wrong. Im not going to redo it. I started my sobriety. I planned it out. I just didn’t plan to feel like the waitress took my food while i was in the bathroom and i can no longer enjoy my favorite meal ever. Just a rant i guess.
Congrats on stopping and making positive changes in your life, that’s just the addict part of our brain trying to convince us to use again it will try to convince you with a different excuse next week but it will fade with time. 
Its so wild because in my head im like " come on you literally only need a small amount and and you can just use big chunks and it’ll all be gravy". So i start rationalizing it thinking “yeah that sort of makes sense right?” It really doesn’t 
When I quit drinking, I had these crazy thoughts trying to rationalize drinking again, things like “you aren’t getting sick from withdrawals, so you surely cant be addicted, and if you aren’t addicted you don’t need to quit”.
The problem is that I’ve always listened to that voice and that is why I’m here.
Tell it no, not this time. Tell it that it has no power of you. Tell it you will decide what’s best for you. Tell it to fuck off.
Once it realizes it has no power, it will fade.away and become so quiet you won’t even know its there.