Broke down this evening and had 4 pints. Stopped now after tea but feel so guilty with myself. What is wrong with me? I promised to stop but can’t. Maybe this is just all a lost cause.
If you want sobriety, it’s yours. You have to be willing to fight for it. You have to be willing to do anything to achieve it.
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Maybe try a meeting not for everyone but it might help wish you well
@Yoda-Stevie bringing the warrior mindset! 
@West - No one can walk this path for us, either we want it or we don’t. We may struggle along the way and feel uncomfortable because of our dependence on alcohol, but the booze doesn’t just jump into our mouths. It is a conscious decision to take that first sip and the desire for sobriety within has to be stronger than the desire to drink.
“Promises are just disappointments waiting to happen.” Don’t promise yourself sobriety, because you are mentally setting yourself up for remorse and regret if you relapse. This may sound overly simplified, but just make a decision not to drink and do everything in your power to hold that line.
Avoid settings and triggers and people associated with your drinking. Fill those spaces with positive actions, resources and people to support your sobriety, not enable failure.
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As a follow up to my previous reply, @West U gotta change ur attitude about sobriety as well. “I can’t” doesn’t live in my vocabulary or in my kids’ vocabulary. “I’m struggling” is ok, but when we tell ourselves we cannot do something, then guess what…we won’t. What you believe in your mind becomes your reality. Try setting yourself up for success by saying “I can”…I think you will be surprised at what you are capable of achieving. “It’s not who you are that is holding you back…it’s who you think you are not.”
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I would suggest you listen/watch this episode of the Jocko Podcast. Self-motivation and Self-discipline. https://youtu.be/vlfIbDF0tIQ
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Get to a meeting. Take some advice. Keep going. Find a sponsor. Work the steps. One day at a time.
Many hundreds of thousands of people have gone before us in this.
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I’ve relapsed 3 times in the last year. Each time I felt like I had lost so much. All those days that I was counting up. All that time I thought I was winning. But then I slipped. It’s hard to keep up and pretend like I’m fine. That I don’t get cravings. I do.
The hardest thing was day 1 for me. Knowing that I let myself down, that I let my boyfriend down. Breaking my promises and then having to face that. It gets easier with time for me, with the days going by. I can learn more about what I’m going through. I’m not so naive anymore, thinking I can do it on my own. I really can’t. I need my meetings, my friends, my boyfriend, I need this app. I can’t do it alone.
You can do it! Talk to someone on here. Every minute if you have to. But you can do it! Just gotta brush yourself off!!!
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Sometimes it takes a lot of first days or first weeks. Reset and try again. Maybe next time before you have that drink come here first and talk to people until the feeling stops or the bar shuts… Good luck.
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