Hello, I’m Shelby, I have tried over and over and over again to get clean and get rid of the NEED to have alcohol everyday. Even though I always thought I’d be 90 in a rocking chair drinking wine or a beer… I am dieing. I’m in and out of hospital. Get treated like garbage because I’m an addict. Does anyone else experience this? As if I’m not good enough to help. Accusations made constantly. I have a child I’ve sent to stay with my mom many times because I’ve been in hospital or so sick everyday. Had a heart attack, have calcification in pancreas, pancreatitis, fatty liver (needs to be replaced, ALOT OF PAIN! ) which they are now trying to take the pain medication away aswell. My stomach doesn’t digest properly, at all! I have ulcurative colitis reoccurring ulcurs and reoccurring concussions from past abuse. My spine is deteriorating, Degenerative Disc Disease. BPD, crippling anxiety and depression. Austioarthritis and can never get help from professionals. Even with all the scans and tests to prove these things. I’ve heard I’m not priority alot. Why?!? I’m 31 and have been sick since a kid. I didn’t drink then. Everything is always labelled due to alcohol. Even with my college education, I know enough that not sleeping or eating or having my tummy issues dealt with 20 years and 15 years etc. Ago is definitely contributing to everything going wrong. I have a fiance and am not sure if I’ll even make it to the wedding 
. Or be well enough to even walk down the aisle. Part of me just wishes it would be over and I won’t wake up but then the other part wants to be better and travel or have another baby 
or watch my son get married and have kids. I forgot about the clogged arteries all over my body and PCOS and nogules on my vocal cords that could be cancerous. I’m falling apart. I don’t know what to do or how to stop the negative, giving up thoughts! 
any advice? Already been to treatment centers and detox’s, if anything more trauma happened at those places. What do I do 
Welcome @Shelbzzz! So glad you found us.
Sorry to hear about all your medical issues.
You mentioned you tried detox and treatment centers. How about an intensive outpatient program? It gave me the foundation I needed to kick start my sobriety and then I went onto AA. What I liked about going outpatient was incorporating daily life into my recovery. At this point, it sounds like this is a life and death situation for you. Choose life because you are worth it! Try everything and anything to get and stay sober. Wishing you the best and hope to see you around the forum. 
Have you managed to not have a drink yet today so far?
There’s an app called everything AA. You can find on line meetings on the app that will direct you to zoom. It’s my life line. Listening to others going through it …hearing their stories their struggles knowing there is hope and your not
Alone 
Can you find in person meetings on the app?
Ok thanks. I’ll probably just download it for the online meetings and literature.
Congrats on your 60 days 
There’s an app called meeting guide that works great to locate in person meetings. It’s blue with a white folding chair.
Okay cool thanks I found that one
Thank you!! I pretty proud of these 60 days , maybe I’ll see ya on zoom. Usually I’m on around 8:30 am “the no matter what club” is a good meeting. But I hop on many different ones. And it’s ALWAYS exactly what I need to here 
I have that app very useful!
Heyy shelbz
Putting down the drugs snd alcohol will help you feel physically so much better after detoxing snd the withdrawal. I know its hard though. Ive dabbled with a lot of different drugs and the anger i had detoxing from all of it was incredible. I started aa when i was 19. In person is definitely worth it but if you cant seem to get out to one, maybe you can try online
Also youll feel better mentally. My mental health was excellent after quitting everything for a while. Ive had many slips but im always back.
The best advice i can give is get sobriety before a disaster happeneds. Disasters might still happen but it would be totally terrible if it was because of drugs and alcohol. Not worth it to me
You can get sober
Just put your head on your pillow sober every night
Im telling you that its worth it