This past weekend was really rough for me I needed up drinking this past Friday and Saturday and I honestly feel like crap about it. I ended up getting in a argument with my little brother and parents for no reason bc once again the alcohol look over my emotions. I have restarted my sober clock twice since I have this app in a two week span and I’m beginning to think that I can’t do this, that I have no hope bc I feel like a disappointment and disgrace to myself and through my family’s eyes. I need help and I have been going to AA so that makes me feel better and just this past March I went to a 30 day rehab program. Did it help? I don’t think so bc I still cannot kick this horrible addiction. Today I’m very depressed but I have to put on a positive face bc I’m at work but in reality I’m dying inside. I just need words or encouragement to pick me up.
I know it took me many tries, before it actually stuck. With each failure my determination grew, until I had decided to close the door on alcohol forever. Did this work? It did for 30 days, and then my Mom passed away, and I used this as an excuse to drink. For 11 months I drank and made half-hearted attempts to stay sober. Then one day, everything changed for me. I decided enough was enough. I decided I wanted to be free, mentally, physically, spiritually. I saw alcohol for what it truly represented in my life: Chains.
Day 162, and I haven’t looked back. Forward, always forward. The desire to change comes first, and then the actual change happens. Looking back, I see it now. The desire became stronger and stronger, until that time that my desire to quit, was stronger than my desire to drink. I had reached that “tipping point”.
And you can too. Just keep getting after it. Reel it in like a runner ahead of you in a long-distance race. With every step you gain a little bit, until you are passing it, and your addiction is now behind you. Then all you have to do is maintain the pace that keeps you ahead of it.
I have reset almost DAILY for the last few weeks. I’m feeling really really really low. But I know I can do it and I know you can too.
For me I’m realising how much I need to work on all the other things…not just the drinking. Basically everytime the other stuff gets to me I reach for the bottle. The bottle isn’t the problem…it’s just a really BAD solution. I need to find better solutions.
Thank you for the words of encouragement! It definitely lifted my spirits. I have more faith in myself and I need to stop beating myself up and just work on my journey to be sober.
I believe this is called a “moment of clarity”. I pray that it grows into a tree of introspection, and healing.
I began to realize that myself after this past weekend that the bottle is not the solution and I’m drinking bc of something deeper I just have to dig deep right now and be strong. I understand that you feel really low so do I and it sucks but it will past soon.
I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone. I think many of us have these same feelings.
Maybe try get a sponsor at your meetings speaking face to face withe someone who understands how you feel might help wish you well
True story. My first go around at the program I didn’t follow a single suggestion. I ended up smoking crack in the parking lot of an AA meeting wondering why it didn’t work.
For everyone still drinking to mask problems I say this:
If drinking is the answer what the fuck was the question?
This meant a lot to me and helped me, I’m going to put this prayer in my big book and share it with my sponsor.
I’ve reset 14 times, but luckily each time I lasted longer than the previous and am hoping this time sticks. I try to focus on the progress I’m making as you can feel so defeated easily. You can do this!