I was the same when i drank and was violent to my partner and said the most horrible things to him- i always used an excuse and always went back to the drink
For whatever reason the last time it happened something chnaged and i knew i had to quit or else i would lose everything that i loved
The guilt will be there for a little bit yet but use it to help you heal and remember that when your drunk its not the real you. Be kind to yourself and one day at a time 
3 Likes
@Chapple How you feel today? I’m new here too, I made the same decision for the same reasons, I become a monster, the traumas, the depression, the circumstances that led me to be that violent person which I am not in sober and real life, have made yes I said enough! No more drama, no more shame, no more blackout! Keep us updated! 
hug from italy:people_hugging:
6 Likes
Couple of hours off day 5 now. Got offered a wine last night and for the first time it was an easy no.
For me the occasional wine etc was never a problem but the one incident that happened was enough for me to decide even that one wine isn’t worth it.
How are you feeling?
7 Likes
for me the occasional wine was a problem, it was never a glass or two, maybe I started the evening for an aperitif with friends and ended the evening with different people also using cocaine, if I managed to sleep two hours that was already a lot otherwise I would go straight to work. You feel it when you hit the bottom when it’s time to say enough, I’m proud of you for saying NO and especially for your 5th day. I send you a hug. Denise
4 Likes